Soooo, I just finished watching the new Joker movie and it basically triggered an ongoing reconciliation of my own. I’ve always felt the need to see the best in people, despite how they may act. But I’ve come to realize that easily opens me up to manipulation if I’m not careful. My boundaries aren’t good enough and that’s my fault. Instead of hardening up and taking a me vs them mentality, I feel like it’s important to disconnect from these people without anger or resentment. At the end of the day I don’t want to be one of those bitter cynical people that just automatically assumes people are out there to fuck you over or manipulate you.
Where I went wrong in the past was excusing behavior and taking the abuse. Then I went to full blown anger and ready to fight at a moments notice and be hostile. Then I realized these are human beings, each with their own situations and stories, yes they might exhibit shitty behavior but so long as I can take control of the situation and resolve the conflict for myself there’s no need for excessive anger. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, it’s when you’re nice and allow people to step all over you. Niceness was never the problem, it was the lack of boundaries and self respect. And ideally I should reach a place where the actions of others don’t impact me because I have a security in knowing who I am. My goal now is to be non-reactive to the shit people can throw my way at times vs hanging onto every word or action and tying excess meaning to it. As a conscious being I’m free to interpret these events in any way I want, not just the one that elicits a strong emotional response from me.