Maybe later you can incorporate a Social subliminal from here after you get some measure of personal and financial success from AM and UA. That might help
Definitely a good idea. I’ll keep that in my mind for the future.
Driving home today listening to this track. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhE-fQU6P9U
It really opened me up emotionally. I connected with it and usually when I listen to stuff like this I try to avoid feeling it like that. Mostly because I’m afraid of reinforcing my depression and stuff. This song just has such a strong vibe to it. But when I let go and let myself feel it, it made me realize how much I hold back. And it made me start questioning the difference between expressing stuff you’re dealing with vs reinforcing old negative behavior. But I came to the realization as much as you want to just think away emotional stuff, it doesn’t work like that. You cause more problems by interfering with how emotions want to naturally flow. I’ve been so preoccupied all my life with looking put together and ok that I lost my ability to let stuff flow naturally. And when I cut off that flow it fucked up everything. My own desires, my own intuition, what I want, how I want to be. So I lived my life based on what other people thought.
Along with that I’ve felt like my music has been really hollow lately. It lacked that connection to me. And any time my music went down a certain path I’d try to fight it because I didn’t like where it was going. This definitely tied into the emotional issues. Since music is an emotional experience it was dumb of me to think that what I naturally came up with was the wrong direction. But that’s typical of me. I doubt everything about myself, but it always turns out that my initial gut feeling was right. I still haven’t quite refined my creation process to the point where I don’t destroy that initial feeling. In fact I feel like it’s the most vulnerable fragile thing and it’s really easy to stomp it all out by fear or insecurity. Just like how I always tried to be someone else and afraid to embrace who I am, it’s the same thing with my music.
Gonna switch back to listening during the day only and see what happens. I’ve been dead tired waking up in the morning and throughout the day. I’m getting that sort of overwhelmed/overstimulated feeling again which I know can result in plateaus. I’m trying to work this out in a smart way where I take the most efficient path vs just hammering my mind with the subs. Getting to know my own body and work within those boundaries vs being afraid of failure so I overdo it. Still a lot to learn with how to get the most out of these subs for me it feels like. If things start going south I can always go back to listening at night.
One thing I definitely notice is that when I stop listening to the subs and take a break midday it seems to be when my mind starts getting to work. A lot stronger emotional shifts vs when I’m actively listening. So I think there’s definitely something to be said about giving my mind time to process this stuff.
Talk about reconciliation…
I’m still trying to find another job because I don’t get paid enough. I’m sick of the anxiety of not having enough money or always worrying about it. But I don’t feel the two years I’ve spent at this company gave me enough experience in the direction I wanted. Instead I got pigeonholed into supporting some piece of shit software I hate. I’m stagnating here and need to get out. I’m kind of pissed because this was supposed to be my stepping stone but it feels like another fucking detour in my life.
My biggest issue is that I don’t want to go back to college for something I don’t care about. I told myself a few years back, if I was going to spend money on something it was going to be because I genuinely had an interest in it and cared. Not a fear of needing to make more money. I have no desire to take on more debt. And I’m bitter about how often people propose that that’s the solution to financial problems in this day and age.
So I’m not stable in any way. But at the same time I just don’t want to default to the safe options and hate my life. I listened to too many people telling me what was best growing up and it screwed up everything because it was all based in fear.
Subliminal Guy’s journey is similar HERE, his realisation of people misleading him was profound.
Definitely some serious reconciling going on. I’ve got a foot in both worlds right now, my brain is trying to comprehend these new attitudes and beliefs about life. It is very different and I think that’s part of why it’s been a difficult journey for me. Some guys are already kind of confident, got their life together, and the subs are like a boost for stuff they are currently aware of. But in my case I’ve been so limited all my life, I have to restructure almost everything I think I know.
I realized that the old identity has to be let go of. I have to stop identifying with weakness and the mentality that I’m somehow inferior. Everything I was doing was from that frame, so even though I was gaining benefits from the sub it was still rooted in that identity. This also leads to the “one day” mentality or feeling like there’s more healing to do. I’m not saying healing doesn’t help, but it can sometimes hold in place that identity of being “broken”.
So as much as I had the desire to “be myself” it was wrong. Because I identified too much with the struggle, the depression, the anxiety. My new perspective is that I’m always me, I don’t have to try. So by extension of that I’m free to choose how I want to experience my life vs limiting myself to some idea of who I think I am.
The key is to maintain this new identity and reject old ideas and habits that were tied to the old. But also not exerting enormous effort to do so. It has to come from a place of choice, not effort.
I don’t know if it’s possible for reconciliation to manifest outwardly or not. But when I was hype last night for getting down my ideas for a track, I kept running into issues. My original inspiration started crumbling. The melody was still good, but I started getting down a bassline. No matter what I did it felt wrong. Soon the whole thing felt wrong and I wanted to just give up. I’ve had this happen before too. Sometimes my plugins don’t load, can’t find a decent drum sample, it’s like I was in the flow and then it feels like something intentionally sabotages that. The more intention I have behind a track, the more it blows up in my face. Self sabotage maybe?
How would you expect yourself to create something new when you are feeling like giving up ( action is not coherent with your feelings)?
Your first thought was self-sabotage. Why do you think you are self-sabotaging yourself, did you have similar experiences or are you maybe sabotaging yourself because your friends were/are more succesfull and your subconcious wants to put you back in your “initial” mindset, because it doesn’t like change?
I think it’s self sabotage because some part of me is so afraid of making something bad it would rather quit and throw everything out before I can get to that point. I’ve been a perfectionist most of my life, largely fueled by fear. It’s caused me to procrastinate to no end.
Unfortunately this isn’t a simple solution. This is a beast I’ve been battling for most of my life. And even though I can push past it, the self sabotaging ways leak through.
Might have figured out a key component for getting these subs to work better for me. It’s basically just allowing myself to feel 100% no filters. I know that might sound weird, but somewhere along the way in my life emotions started getting labeled bad and good. On top of that I built up an expectancy in myself to be able to “let go” and “detach” from these emotions, to be above them so to speak. I have denied myself the freedom to feel what I need to feel and process things. Inside of me there’s a lot of pent up anger and frustration over the fact that I dealt with a large majority of my life with things like depression and anxiety. I was misunderstood, I hated the fact that it felt I was a prisoner of my own mind. When these things surfaced I’d tell myself “no stop being a victim, it wasn’t that bad, get over yourself”. But it needs to be let go of and the only way to do that is to allow it to unfold. Because for close to 10 years now I’ve had this festering inside me. Who knows what else is in there. But these emotions that are coming up are the releasing and reconciling process. If I interfere I don’t get where I want to be.
Going along with the whole thing with perfectionism. It even leaked into my emotional regulation. I always felt I needed to be perfect in that regard too. Always positive, always confident. Ironically it was that insistence that actually caused my inner turmoil because those things I deemed “negative” were still perfectly valid emotions that needed acknowledgement.
I does not sound weird, in fact it makes perfect sense to me. Ive been in a surprisingly similar process yesterday.
This video has many important insights and a simple yet powerful exercise that I believe will help you.
Surely you will notice the similarities between the video and your insights.
Awesome video. Thanks for that. A few years ago I was very into mindfulness and teachings like this. Interestingly enough its when I started subliminals that I abandon these practices because I assumed they could handle everything. I see now that I also have to be conscious of my mind and make a dedicated effort to be the observer. Thanks
Working on my resume a bit today. People always talk about using descriptive or eye catching words on resumes, to “sell yourself”. I don’t buy it. Most people are horribly unoriginal. I just imagine some person combing through resumes being greeted by words like “spearheaded” a 1000 times over. I’m basically just building a no BS resume. What I did and what skills I have. Then I’m just having visualization sessions of getting the job I want. I’m definitely not the most skilled or experienced guy out there but I understand that doesn’t really matter if you can just manifest what you need into your life.
I’m done with worrying about if I’m good enough for positions. There are people who build careers on smoke and mirrors, people who get jobs in positions where they don’t even know what the hell they are doing. I took all this too seriously for years and now I’m just done caring. Basically I have no interest in playing the game. Much like how guys bend over backwards for women, I’m not doing that with employers.
At this point I just want a liveable wage and enough free time to focus on what I really care about which is my music. I get that some people are passionate about their jobs, but that’s not me. And I’ll never lose sight of having music as my ultimate goal. I’ve been derailed from that too many times in the past. Honestly though, I’m just fed up by how you’re supposed to live life according to other people. Ever since starting AM I’ve definitely been able to stop caring about that and do my own thing. But just not quite there yet. I know I’m getting there though because a few months ago I was too scared to even look for a new job or update my resume. So it’s coming together.
Have you noticed an increase in productivity and creativity yet? Also what is your listening ratio?
@SaintSovereign mentioned using an online résumé scanner to check how likely an employer would select it based on keywords they were looking for. Once Saint adjusted it, offers came flying in. I’m sure @AMASH knows about it.
AM is a beautiful sub, strips BS like crazy.
Here and there. I do find it much easier to get stuff done and the anxiety I used to feel a lot of the time creating music has diminished a bit. I still have my sticking points, but I’ve definitely noticed improvement.
Currently my listening is about 8 hours a day, nights off. Though it can vary because I listen at work and sometimes I get interrupted.
Without a doubt. I’m really looking forward to reaching a level where my life trajectory becomes a straight and narrow path. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m getting pulled from all different directions and caring way too much about what people think. That’s the biggest one for me. For all my life I’ve been so worried what others think about me to a point of it being paralyzing. After a while it felt like I couldn’t even make my own decisions without worry.
So I’ve been completely messing up getting to bed at a reasonable hour lately. Last night I finally got to sleep around 9pm. For a while it was 11. Getting good sleep really does help with the subs. Today I felt good, noticed my posture was greatly improved, and overall felt a lot more confident. I’m not gonna say I completely don’t care about what others think, but I think today was the first day in a long time where I didn’t feel the squeeze of social anxiety. And its amazing not having that weigh on me all the time because I never realized how exhausting it was.
And after having that relief, I realized I’ve never felt in control of my life. It always felt like I was watching a train wreck unfold before my eyes as I did all the wrong things and felt powerless to stop it. But today I got a taste of what life could be for me and as foreign as it felt I also had a feeling that I’m closer and it’s not outside the realm of possibility.
Watched a video the other day about music production and burn out. Realized I’ve been grinding it out, but also missing out on life. There’s definitely a fear inside me that says “what if this never happens and I never reach my goal?” And that fear leads me to impulsive obsessive behaviors. I have to balance this out. Dedicate time to music, but also stop when I feel like I’m overworking myself.
Last night while I was going to sleep I just felt wave after wave of sadness and a feeling of being utterly lost in life. I didn’t try to push this back like I usually do. There’s definitely unresolved stuff underneath the surface of my psuedo calm exterior