I just finished day off number 1 this week, and again the bloom reconciliation is insane.
I get this super insidious doubt and ‘inner critical voice of hatred, that’s just like, nothings changed, this is not working, your the same, everything is the same, your thinking things are different is just you feeling good, like when your drunk and think your cool etc…’ Being around family dynamics on this day also has not helped. lol
When this occurs I can find evidence in the moment for that of course, but I know it is objectively not true, I literally had the exact same occurrence and self conversation on day 1 off last week so it’s clear it’s a pattern for me. It’s just funny how off day 1 and old programming shines through, then 1 day later its completely gone. Let’s see what tune I’m singing tomorrow
Even before this though
I’ve been in and out of reconciliation lately. Not that level of doubt kind at all, but just under performing, some headaches, getting a bit burnt out.
I’m having increasing trouble running the normal loops of Emperor, some days it’s just perfect and can run 3+ loops.
But others it seems anything after 1 loop causes insane reconciliation. Other subs that day do not cause reconciliation so it seems Emperor specific. I do Emperor first of any subs in the day so I don’t think any stacked stuff is contributing.
I believe this is lack of action in the right direction-kind of reconciliation-from Emperor.
I have not yet tested Terminus Emperor custom yet, I will do so after my break this weekend.
Also in general increasingly dissatisfied with my status quo, This feels like a good thing.
I’ve been happy with the progress I’ve made in all areas of my life, and incredibly happy with my personal transformation since running Emperor. It’s crazy how different I am.
But If I’m honest with myself, currently I feel stuck. I want to be honest with myself that I’m stuck. The admittance of that can lead to opening up something new but until I acknowledge it, it will perpetuate itself.
In the past I used being ‘stuck’ as an excuse to not try something or out of unwillingness, or even laziness, but that is not the case now.
I am taking time, effort, and energy to regain clarity and experiment with things inside the intention of creating something new, relevant, passionate, and amazing in my life in the area of vocation/career/finance.
As I’m typing this I see I have a deep rooted belief that I have ‘the magnet and destiny for work and purpose missing’ and wondering what my life would be like without that belief-New Beginnings in real time
Anyway I’m going to start posting on my thread 5 days a week minimum to lock in the general metrics for the day and for my own benefit. It may not be as interesting as the sporadic posts about results I have but will hopefully offer some value to myself and others.
Lastly I am listening through the recommended Astrology program from @Simon and @Malkuth
and will post findings here and on the chart thread. Basics is Looking at Mars-planet of passion, and Venus-planet of what I love and am loved for to determine/give guidance towards path and career. Venus in Taurus 4th House and Mars in Capricorn 5th house.
I am also actively re-engaging my spirituality by going through a 10 week meditation program from a book called The Presence Process and reading another spiritual book recommended by @khan
I appreciate the resources of guidance and insight that others on the forum consistently provide.