I’ve done it ! A real 48 hours off! I’ve done a day off, 36 hours off, but no legit complete no sub time off for this long. no Ultima snuck in on Sunday. First real 48 hours off since I started in March. I feel amazing.
I’m a moron for not doing this sooner. I will likely take a full week off soon too. Everything is integrating like crazy, all the emotional weight, resistance, physical symptoms I’ve been dealing with are diminishing rapidly.
I went out to a friends birthday yesterday, and all the woman, including my friends girlfriend were all over me. Zero effort on my part, zero trying, I just felt great in myself, and was super chill, and they were just coming in. I felt a sun with it’s own gravity socially. I just feel so much love and chemistry for woman, totally uninhibited in my sexuality, but still totally grounded in myself. I was amazed, just no insecurities coming up whatsoever, and then they did like 8 hours in, in an intense but small way. I was talking and meeting new woman throughout the day+night ( long event).
I met this really cool chick who worked at an outdoor bar, and I brought her into our group after she got off. I did notice some old insecurities coming back up when she also seemed mildly interested in another guy in the group. I didn’t want to just wait while they were talking, and I didn’t want to to be try hard.
So I just kept an eye on it and started engaging others around the table. I engaged again when it felt right to do so, and she ended up giving me a bracelet as a present, weird lol, and went to hug me and kept smelling my neck and saying I smelled amazing.
I don’t really drink too much these days, but I drank a few drinks, out of festivity.
Insecurity are always pointing at something and I saw where I was a little to casual with her, when I could have been more direct. And where I actually still feel at a loss at certain ‘phases’ of the dating/mating ritual. A lot better than before. I can go from meet to sex with more consistency than I can with exchanging numbers and meeting again. My text game is ask out with logistics and only go if they make it easy lol.
Anyway we exchanged numbers and seems like she wants to hang out again. The man-woman dynamic wasn’t established verbally-but the touch made it pretty obvious. I’m not used to being quite that subtle, so well see how it goes.
This party was with friends from years ago, with some really difficult for me social dynamics in the past and I was very happy with how I showed up and conducted myself and felt internally. The subs changes really tested there metal against some deeply rooted stuff.
What really stood out, was I unflinchingly felt like the best possible option there for any woman, I was extremely high value and confident, only engaged in the ways I wanted, but still showed lots of love and good times.
It’s funny, I could feel sex mastery, primal seduction, khan stage 1 shining through with the social and sexual fluency, Emperor with the internal strength, but the Emperor social flavor, is if things are not going my way, my internal dialogue --is ‘I’m outta here’ . The whole time until the very end, I had not a care in the world, then when things weren’t going my way-ideally-I could feel the Emperor drive-like ‘lets get the fuck out of here’ I had to buckle it down haha, and it was during that period where I felt most present to insecurities, then when I re-engaged with what I wanted, it was like I was 100% back online again.