I want to point out a few results I’m seeing from my custom Light Q
The cores are Survival Instinct, Power Can Corrupt, and Regeneration. I’ve been running it once or twice daily 4 times a week, sometimes 5. I’ll point out the modules and cores and what effect I see
I’m definitely experiencing strong emotions and working through them, I feel lighter and lighter and more ok with ‘negative’ feelings I am having.
I really haven’t noticed this one too much, except in moments it really shines through and I get a sense of relaxed but alert vigilance, with a core of calm, and the world feels like a really safe place. I’m more on top of health issues.
This one is incredible, I feel like all the chains of ‘have toos or shoulds’ in my life are broken and everything I do is a choice. I feel more and more distant and less concern for what were challenging people’s and situations in the past
I have had more amazing time’s around a fire pit in the last two weeks than in years before.
I love a good fire pit night, I feel connected to my best self and the world, the time is nothing but pure laughter and good times.
I am questioning in a positive way all these places I have stopped before, and acting with more courage around where I have been unwilling to act before
Power Can Corrupt
My relationships have turned marvelous, all the surly little conflict and being at odds with others has dissipated
Anyway that’s just a few things I noticed. I’ll keep reporting as stuff becomes apparent.
Have some dates set up this week
so I’m running Libertine V2 tonight.
I tried with headphones and I couldn’t do it, was causing my jaw to tighten up insanely, so running it on computer speakers. It felt stronger through speakers, like I could feel the sexually energy heating up. Tried with headphones again and it was fine. This will be the only Ultima I run this week.
I’ll run Emperor Terminus tomorrow morning and then nothing until Wednesday.
Wednesday I’ll give Dragon Reborn a loop test to see if I want to run that or Alchemist alongside Emperor over the next few months. Then I’ll take Thursday through the following Monday off subs.
My plan is to move into Emperor+ one other specific area. I’ll start with Emperor+Spirituality or Emperor+Healing.
Two roads diverged in a SubClub forum
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Just got back from a very odd date.
We were wearing masks but she kept taking hers off,
it was super fun, really clicked, towards the end of the night
she seemed a bit skittish,even when we were close,
she has some connection to many friends of mine, which I’m always a little wearier
about pulling the trigger in those cases. I had run Emperor Terminus-in the morning which was a mistake, and then ran my custom with primal seduction, which I’ve never run before meeting a girl before, except it was really, really good.
The only issue is terminus peaked an hour into the date, we were having a blast and then I felt like I was in another world, super distance, insane anxiety, crazy recon, I was drinking lightly too. I thought about telling her I had to go, but didn’t want to do that to her. Another 15 minutes in, it cleared.
All the bars closed so we ended up on a park bench drinking, I was getting a large sense of attraction between us but not the right moment to kiss, at one point there might have been, but I was rusty, so didn’t push it. She ubered home, and before she got in, asked to go out with me when I was back(I’m heading out of town for a bit) and then she texted me when she got home -that she had a lovely time and really enjoyed the laughs.
I was very surprised things didn’t escalate further and can’t tell if if I was reading something wrong, or she just needs more time.
Any way this is the first time since running these subs I’ve been a bit at a loss in the matter, and something feels off in how I conducted myself, like I should have made something happen, I could be being self judgmental, or concerned, cause I want things to work out. Certainly not desperate about it but I have a strong desire for it.
Anyway it feels to familiar to the past, and that’s what seems to be coming up during healing.
On the other hand, it was a magical time. So I don’t know, we’ll see how it plays out.
I had a dream last night, I usually don’t remember dreams.
I while back I was going to report some cool stuff that happened over a weekend, and then it seemed inconsequential with some other stuff going on. I can’t remember if I posted this but will say here again
What I wanted to report was two things
I had lucid dreams three nights in a row/ three nights in a row-full blown -was totally aware I was dreaming while dreaming, had some sway inside the dream, but every time I tried to really alter the course I woke up. Each dream I was a hero, in a beautiful nightmare world, fighting off horrific evil and corrupt, militant people, and sleeping with a lot of woman. Seems I am a simple man.
That weekend multiple of the most attraction woman I’ve ever seen in my life would follow me after i made eye contact. I wasn’t running libertine, just Emperor Terminus X, Azriel Q, and Light Q.
That weekend I halfed my does of daily medication, and I think it really allowed manifestation and programming to come through. What I take effects my acetylcholine receptors so the dreams make sense. Perhaps it’s also been effecting my energy/aura more than I thought. I’ve been seeing results in peoples reactions however this was next level. I’ve made arrangements and have a plan to taper off this med for the long term.
Back to my dream from last night. wasn’t lucid but I did remember it. It was a nightmare, I got in an elevator with two people, and a third tried to get it, I actually called him in, I didn’t want to be with the other two people alone, he gets in, and starts fiddling with the door, I assertively tell him to stop, and then the elevator goes up and in one second it shoots up the 257th floor, when there were only 10 or so floors listed, I feel incredible scared all of a sudden, as I’m out of my depth, or above my height. I get this terrifying feeling I’ll be trapped in the elevator for eternity, Then I woke up.
My biggest fear is being trapped, in all kinds, in a space (I’m somewhat claustrophobic) or physically powerless in a situation, but this extends to mentally too.
I usually don’t report dreams but this one was so distinct I thought I would.
I’m doing The Presence Process right now, meditation program, and it is consciously designed to bring up reflections from the past, my goal is not to project- or not act on those reflections by engaging the people who bring them up with my reactions. One thing that has come up is I no longer have conflict with people, and if I do it resolves fairly quickly.Emperor custom and PCC, as well as healing have really helped with this. So in my mind I feel like I have reactions handled, however what is coming up now is really interesting.
I realized I have my heart and sexuality completely separated, a woman can be incredible attractive, but if she occurs to me just like somebody to sleep with, it’s effortless, but if I start feeling a heart connection with someone I am attracted to, in the past I wonked out, doubted myself, started feeling like things wouldn’t work out, and now it’s much smoother, but the turbulence from the past is still lingering. I am attracting such a higher caliber of sexy woman, who I also have a heart connection with, so I am facing this issue now in a way I realize I’ve never done. In a way I feel like I am doing all this for the first time (new beginnings maybe ). Cause I can’t just go through the motions, bang it out, and call it a day.
By heart-connection- I mean I authentically am delighted by their character, and how they move in the world. The simple test for me, is if I imagine post-nut clarity, would I want them to leave, or would I still be interested, pursuing them. Some ‘bombshells’ I might want to stick around, honestly cause of the validation of being with some one ‘hot’. But this is different. And I care about that less since running Emperor. It’s still nice though lol.
Anyway I massively failed on my no nut november as I have ended seeing some woman this month. I also failed on this being a month of consolidation.
I also see the importance of focus when it comes to goals, and subliminal’s. It’s hard to let things go, I go back and forth between wondering why put my life on hold for anything I can do it all, and believing and seeing the value of shutting out all things for one goal. I have moments when the two flow well together, especially when running Alchemist.
One thing i can see from all this…is that you are stronger than your challenges or setbacks. They are not stopping you.
I just got this,
I was thinking of this one
" In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. It is a hard thing to speak of, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood was, so that thinking of it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death: but, in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there.
I cannot rightly say how I entered it. I was so full of sleep, at that point where I abandoned the true way. But when I reached the foot of a hill, where the valley, that had pierced my heart with fear, came to an end, I looked up and saw its shoulders brightened with the rays of that sun that leads men rightly on every road. Then the fear, that had settled in the lake of my heart, through the night that I had spent so miserably, became a little calmer. And as a man, who, with panting breath, has escaped from the deep sea to the shore, turns back towards the perilous waters and stares, so my mind, still fugitive, turned back to see that pass again, that no living person ever left."