Blacksheep - Khan Journal (ST1-ST4)


#21

Stage 1
Hours: 147.5

I’m battling disturbing experiences and dreams wrought by ST1. The narrative is always that I’m being hunted. Or the other night, I was diving in the ocean in a shitty scuba gear (Open water is a fear of mine). Last night I woke up many times during the night in a pool of sweat. I also slept much longer than usual this weekend.


#22

@Michel

Just read this quote and it rings so true right now. Just got back from the grocery and noticed how respected I was by men and women. Also how attuned women were to me. If you look carefully you’ll notice if they are looking at you through the corner of their eye. You can also tell most times if they were looking at you right before you noticed them, by their behavior. I think Khan helped me notice these social intricacies because they only became this obvious since I started. So despite the bumpy ride sometimes, there is definitely results.


#23

Stage 1
Hours: 167.5

Took a break the other day. My posture feels grounded and I’m more confident moving around. I’ve got a new attitude about life, like I’m starting over and moving on. But in the past 24 hours, there’s been reconciliation. Deep pains and regrets long forgotten are surfacing. I hope with each passing their power weakens.


#24

Stage 1
Hours: 187.5

Took a break last night and felt so good I will continue for another 24 hours. I continue to progress on my vices. Unhealthy desires (porn, video games, garbage food) are having less an effect and I’m getting excited about looking good for the summer. I’m feeling more peaceful internally, and better overall since I started. Even if the first 150 hours or so were very tough.


#25

Stage 1
Hours: 200 Hrs

The time off really helped. All the positive effects I’ve mentioned so far were more pronounced in the 48 hours after I stopped listening than before. The ol’ bloom effect reconfirmed.


#26

Stage 1
Hours: 207

“Removing that which is harmful does you much more good than adding something good.”

This is a principle from the diet book I’m reading, called “The Plant Paradox”. I think it applies to subliminal usage as well, and for that reason Total Breakdown is probably the most important stage for all its difficulties. This fact motivates me to run ST1 for as many as 400-500 hours before moving on.


Finding my True North
#27

Often, what is hunted is what if of high value. Nothing gets hunted if it’s low value, because then it’s not worth the pursuit and the effort. So I congratulate you on recognizing your own high value, now :wink:

I find that a deep truth is: Whatever you resist, persists.

So by calling things “vices,” and “unhealthy desires,” we charge them with energy that keeps them alive in our life. Our resistance recharges their power.

What if you viewed them as a phase of your life you have learned lessons from, a phase that is ready to come to its own comfortable end in its own right time?

Could this be a perspective you can take on that would help?


#28

I’ll try my best to take that perspective, I can see it’s no use giving it unwarranted negativity.


#29

I’ve considered running 500 hours myself! A lot of unnecessary BS in my mind to remove.


#30

Stage 1
Hours: 242

Thankfully ST1 has become much easier to run. I’m not trying to rush through the hours, and I’ve found that taking breaks is very helpful. I will move on to ST2 at 300 hours rather than push beyond. I feel pretty cleared, and even if I didn’t get every little thing, I’ll be running TB in the future.

As for the effects, on average I feel more confident and sociable. People treat me better, people remember my name even after meeting me once, look at me differently, etc. In public I will get a lot of stares from people. Women are often checking me out, men look at me a bit hesitant or defensively sometimes. All this I can say is a result of Khan ST1, and while there have been rough days, the overall effect has been very good. I feel very relaxed internally.


#31

Love you journal @BlackSheep. I like how you analyze even the smallest detail. I’m going through a similar path. Looking forward to your inevitable transfotmation.


#32

Stage 1 COMPLETE!

In summary ST1 was a positive experience I grew better from. My old hang ups and insecurities seem to bother me much less than even six months ago. I’ve spontaneously started interactions with women for no reason other than being attracted, something extremely intimidating to me just recently. Internally I feel very calm and collected. Unfazable and unreactive to anyone, and also nothing to prove. Externally I noticed people of all stripes looking at me in public. Women seemed more attracted to me, but nothing over the top.

I was just thinking and want to reiterate tST1 really did a number of my insecurities. It’s difficult to notice this and realize unless you consciously try to remember what bothered you before.

I’m taking a couple days break to assimilate what I’ve learned.


#33

I’ll also mention ST1 was not easy, especially in the beginning. It does get better though, which for me happened at around 90 hours, and then again at 130-150 hours, and then by 300 it was easy for me to run.


#34

@BlackSheep well done mate! You did it!


#35

Congratulations @BlackSheep! I knew you’ll do well :slight_smile:


#36

Stage 2
Hours: 35

ST2 has not affected me internally like ST1, but I’ve noticed some external results. I feel extremely calm and high value in social interactions. Friends and family remarked that I’m happier than usual. Like ST1 I am being stared at by random people.

At first I was hit by reconciliation though, and I started listening to other programs as well as an avoidance mechanism. I stopped myself after a couple days and will only run ST2 now. The hours I ran ST2 during that time won’t be included in my journal. The hours I record are ST2 only with no other subs.


#37

Starting ST2 has been similar to starting ST1. Crazy dreams, and I’ve been sleeping much longer than usual. Since starting it’s been 10-11 hours and this past weekend I slept for 18 hours. Both the dreams and greater need for sleep had subsided by the end of ST1, so I’m hopeful that will be the case for ST2 as well.

Girls have been acting coy around me recently. Had a nice eye-fuck sesh with a woman at the market today.


#38

Looking forward to ST2 myself. I’m a bit past 350 hours of ST1.


#39

Stage 2
Hours: 60

The nightmares have persisted longer than ST1. Every morning I wake up disturbed and frightened. I’m feeling quite confident, high value and fearless during the day. Mood seems slightly improved.


#40

Stage 2
Hours: 115

Just updating my hours I’ll have a more comprehensive post soon. Things are going well.