Blue’s Subliminal Journey


#42

I had nothing to do for the last 5 days. Stayed home and barly left. But i used Ascended Mogul 80% of that time. I have my edge back.

Whatever sub i want to use, it seems it has to be a secondary to Ascended Mogul. Right now its Rebirth. For me Ascended Mogul is my baseline.


#43

I feel tinder or most dating apps are a waste of time.

Unless you come across as really hot in your photos you do not have any chance of meeting women.


#44

For the time being im still running Ascended Mogul and Rebirth exclusivly.

Also form here on out i will be posting raw and unfiltred thoughts and updates. I feel like letting loose from my conservative side.

My EX calls me on NYE and wishes me a happy new year. As happy as that made me it still f**ks with me hard. After 3 months of pretending to be free of her or moved on i still feel more or less the same.

My problem is that i could never hurt anyone i care about. I have been hurt by life so much i could never feel like hurting anyone. More like im far too selfless for my own good. I had plenty of chances to sleep with other women on my short time on S&S and some Primal. I’v neglected to post about it knowing i would be called out for my b**ch and emotional behaviour. Which is what i othetwise actually need to hear.

With that girl i was truly in love. Everything was perfect but her moving back to her city for college and knowing we have no future she cut me off. The sex alone was legendary ( thanks to Sex Mastery X ) but everything else was far too good to even begin to describe. I thought she would run back if not for me then for the countless orgasms i had given her. Didnt happen.

It wasn’t so much about her but about my ego. All i heard growing up was that im worthless and pathetic. Over the last 5 years i have litterarly built my self from nothing. I desperatly wanted those old beliefs shattered by seeking proof of its invalidity i real life. Since no matter how successful i become, those beliefs haunt me still.

Its sad i know but what worse is seeing how guys who are far less than me end up with so much more. The damage my father did to me when i was 15 to 20 is not so easy to undo. Today he prasies the ever living **** out of me. Everywhere i go people respect me, his friends who are mostly successful buissness men are despirate to have me near them. Yet i feel nothing of his pride in me. I had allready completly didregarded his opinion of me. I no longer hate him but the damage is still there.

So i work out, work, plan, read and try to live the best life for my self yet im furious of why i still feel the same as i did back then.

My worldview is being shattred. I always see my self in high regard, im mostly indifferent to other peoples opinions of me. I have amazing confidence, dominance & power yet not true self esteem.

Im constatnly fighting to prove to myself that im worth something yet no matter what i achieve it feels the same. It’s like a part of me gave up on loving myself.

So i wanted her to love me the way i couldn’t and im sure as hell she did. She just cant verbally express it since she knew we were doomed from the start.

Honestly speaking, as pathetic as it sounds, i want someone to love me the way i can’t. When i was with her i was mostly cool, never needy because i know better. But it’s what i secretly craved.

Whats worse is that if i truly become an asshole with women i could get all the validation and attention but i wouldn’t need it.

Why would i love anyone who only loves me because i treat her like dirt. Yet i cant be myself since i always end up alone with ” You desurve someone bettet ”.

Thats another ideal shattred. That somewhere there is this perfect someone out there for me. Honestly i neef a hard reset. I truly don’t care about women anymore since no one could ever give me what i want.

A: Continue this fruitless struggle and maybe something gets better.

B: Fuck it all i will start living for myself and truly love life. Anyone who acts otherwise is getting kicked the fuck out.

Anger is all i feel now days. It used to be depression but now its anger. But there must be more.

So i humbly ask @fire and @SaintSovereign

I felt from the moment i ran Emperor that it would be the quickest way out of this hell. No matter how much it breaks me in the proccess. My question is. Will it truly do so?


#45

There’s nothing wrong with craving love from another – it’s one of the quintessential human experiences, the act of falling in love and being loved. Wanting love and wanting validation are two different things. Validation is more of “approval” of who you are. So, don’t beat yourself up for wanting to experience love – just don’t make your life ABOUT getting love, because then, it’s a slippery slope toward someone else’s validation defining who you are.

As for your two choices – option B. Everyday, all day. You have no obligation to live your life any other way. Society often teaches us that living for ourselves is “wrong,” and we’re evil people for having desires. But, that’s not true. You can still be a GOOD person and still live for yourself. I consider myself a very GOOD person. I’m generally friendly, and always willing to offer a helping hand. That is, unless you cross my sensibilities. The moment I perceive you as a threat, I’m “kicking them the fuck out,” as you say. You’ll no longer exist to me – not as a person, not as anything. It’ll be as if you never existed. That sounds harsh, but the moment I started living for myself, TRULY living for myself, my life turned around.

Emperor will not be quick. It will be sudden, it will be strong, but it will not be “quick.” The journey is well worth it, however.


#46

You are right. There are undisputable laws in this universe. You reap what you sow, become what you think, etc… not only that. The hungry don’t get fed…

What i meant with Emperor if it is the right choice out of all the subs we have so far… in my situation.

At age 23, 2018 was the most painful year of my life. Death finally became a part of my reality after losing a treasured family meber. Believes that kept me going through everything shattred infront of my eyes. Reality never failed to punish my every micro and macro mistake.

Yet… It was the most life changing year of my life. I’ve found, as corny as this sounds, my soulmate… and lost her. I’ve had the absolut best sex i could ever wish for, I went from broke and near homeless to having a stable aparment and now im biting more than a can chew. I’ve met mentors who would do anything to support me. I’ve made friends for life. I’ve went from being financially depending on my little brother to supporting him and having his back.

And i owe it all to my ego which kept me going and Subliminal Club and its members who stood by me, mentored me, were there for me.

A skype friend, also an INTJ, told me that my real problem i a nutshell is that i have been in a fight or flight mode for far too long… and even after all i achieved im still unable to adjust.

I like being angry, sad, feel bad… as stupid as it sounds. Because those are feelings im mostly used to and id rather feel those than nothing at all. That will change.

Yet… i feel like everything is happening in order. Like the universe has a plan for me. Im getting what i need at the right time. Not what i want but what i NEED. Take my ex for example… she appeared in my life to prove to that women as amazing as her exist. And the find me, with all my complications, irresistable. She then left to teach me that i can only find fuffilment within.

She, in a very strang hard to relate way, is life itself. Rewards true effort and punishes weakness. I may envy the average man who, by my standards lack depth and ambition. Live life as a zombie never questioning or thinking yet find love and peace somewhat.

But then again i never wished to be normal or like them. I now truly believe in walking the path. Living life despite the pain and enjoying the victories. As unfair as it is its all part of something bigger in store for me. It was never a sprint.

Its a marathon that will yeild far greater rewards than any short sprint. Everything that ever happened to me happened exactly because it needed to happen ,at the right place and time, and completly aligned to a life far too amazing to even comprehend.


#47

Funny how no matter how much progress i make i actually want to feel sad and hopeless sometimes. This irrational desire is slowly diminishing the more i go through and the wiser i become. Also like With Ascended Mogul V2 :wink:

At this point i no longer judge or try to rationalize. If i feel like being sad i just let it knowing fully well thats just how i feel at the moment. Never again associateing my emotions wih who i am.

Someone reccomened to me the Sedona method. The name was something i have heard about but i never knew what it was. It was actually something i have been doing for the last year and its very similar to the Sedona method. When i feel something i truly feel it but i never asscociate myself with it. The feeling is a guest that will stay and will eventually leave.

Funny how with Subclub someone could actually reach a point to miss feeing bad. Since the programs are so effective.

Regarding more relatable growth. I have been feeing more and more clear with my intent with the world. Less is bothering me now. Feeling more secure and centred.

There is no longer a perfect version of me that i need to become. Im allready enough. And i will be more every day. I will never compensate for anything or anyone.


#48

Yes, this is the reason why I recommended Primal over Ascension. Primal makes you feel happy, enjoying life, and in the moment. So change comes from a happy place.


#49

@AMASH I am going to purchase Primal soon just for that reason


#50

I am given yet again even more oppertunities on my side work. My superviser, who gives work to those who are competent but mostly those she likes, is giving me more and more. Rumers are im starting to get HATE because of all the work im given.

To clarify i work as a studying circle leader. A leader gets paid by the hour and depending on how popular the circle is and how much money people spend to attend said circles. A leader can have multiple circles at once but thats for our superviser to decide.

Most other leaders kiss her ass all day, invite her to parties and dinners, even go so far as to babysit her children. There are about a 100, yet only 15 are active and i have THE most circles at the same time. Why im i so successful? Partly because i know what im doing and im flexible enough, partly because i never complain and expect nothing but mostly because i know how to get what i want out of her

I would very much like to thank ” The Art of Dealing With People ” book but its not the case. Its actually a simple advice from an RSD video called ” How to get mentors ” or something. It tought me how people in high ranking positions think and what works with them. And ” 44 Laws of Power ”

Shit works when equipped with an intuitive mind.

I also have Ascended Mogul to thank for this amazing climb. I actually have haters now. Whats funny is that i dont even know those guys names. I just show up, do my job, say as few words as humanly possible and get out.

I have nohing to gain by talking to 80% of the people. I dont hate anyone, i dont think im in any shape or form better than anyone, i know the human potential for greatness. I just follow my heart. If i feel like talking i do, i dont think or activly analize it.

So far i have had amazing friends and relationships thanks to this. I always know when i feel good about someone we will be good friends. No trial and error needed anymore. Same with women. Yet i can still see the extent of said relationship.


#51

01-17-19 @ 7:45 AM;
The correct name of the book is “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene.


#52

Great book. I have read or listened to audio versions of several of his books and found them compelling.


#53

@DssMaster I almost forget :ok_hand:t4:

@dorfmeister Exactly! I’ve read the entire book but i do read its head lines every now and then. Even a short description and some imagination will do the trick.


#54

Two days ago i finished my carpenter program and im now practicing. It will be for one month and after that i will started working something special i did not have the drive to work on.

Anyways there are few moments in life where you feel like the stars are aligning and the universe is trying to teach you something. For me it started a week ago when i began abusing Ascended Mogul 20 hours a day. First it clicked when i clicked on a clickbaity RSD video. The moral of that 60 min video was ” telling yourself to be positive/successful is the wrong way of doing things. Why aren’t you naturally positive/successful? Its because a part of you is enjoying the fact you are not where you want to be. ”

The more i started thinking about this the more i felt the clouds finally parting. Then i talked to a good friend about this. He told me that i have basically replaced my father who was so harsh and mreciless on me with another person.

I can finally see what the hell was holding me back all this time. And i found the answor. What my father did for me for years, it became what i am today. The more i stopeed blaming him the more i was replacing him with someone forcing me to live up to an impossible ideal. For years i knew something was holding me back yet i could not let go. Who would i be whithout it.

Even know it feels like i was just told i live in mars and my original planet is earth but im too scared to go there. I barly know that place.

All i know is that place is where i belong. If i belonged here i wouldn’t need to find a way out. But i do. This realization is only the first step. I can finally see it.


#55

This is a beautiful realization. I know you struggled with this for a very long time, so seeing the clouds part for you is very rewarding.

I think you’ll really love Regeneration when it comes out. I’m planning to hop on it as soon as its released.


#56

Thanks alot man :slight_smile:
2019 will be a year to remeber


#57

Had a very intresting dream yesterday that i believe is worth posting about. In the dream i had sec with three different girls and it wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

At each point i was initiating and being proactive then seazing the moment. It was a very sexy dream and all of them were in the same venue in the dream. Insaw that they liked me and they were all hot and i was so idgaf, an entirely different level, and it worked liked magic.

If im to learn anything is how much power there is in being truly idgaf and having a killer instinct.


#58

This will oficially wrap my Ascended Mogul V2 journey…

Since i got that realization i mentioned previously things have been way easier. Almost too easy. For starters i started talking to 5 different girls on the regularly… i didn’t manifest i just allowed it to happen. Whenever i feel negative i know that its pointless and stop immediatly. Not because ” i must be positive ” but because i know where its comming from and how pointless it is.

I got my 07:00 to 16:00 Work practice, i teach students from 17:00 to 19:00 and im starting to with a team on a special project. My friends are extremly nice all of the sudden. I get hit up all the time and i barly have time for myself now.

Hell even my ex has started contacting me again, she saved a pic i posted which shows a barly detecable red spot on my neck, she drew a circle around the area and sent the pic to me as in saying ” is that a hickie? Are you getting laid now? Is this why you stopped obsessing over me?

  • Fellas, who ever is still obsessing over his ex… move the fuck on… once you truly do, and only then, will the come crawling back. And by then you wouldnt even care -

Whats next?

Emperor V2 and this there will be no quitting. And i will happily break before bending if it comes to that


#59

Yeah ok Emperor 2 is hitting way to hard. This time however i can handle it, and i will not lose productivity.

But i have a question for anyone who used Emperor

  • When its forcing you to face your weakness and insecurities, what do you do? What i the right move? Think of something else, keep thinking until you find a way out…

I really want an answor to this guys


#60

Only you can answer this question. Insecurities and weaknesses can be overcome, and HOW you that is up to you. Write down the weakness or issue and then develop a plan how you’re going to overcome it. For example, if you feel unattractive, come up with a gym workout plan, a grooming plan (ex: gonna grow out my beard and have it professionally shaped), etc. You can do this for ANYTHING.


#61

Insecurities and fears are those mighty dragons that terrorize us. The sub is the potent elixir (no pun intended :joy:) that makes you strong enough to swing the sword and slay the dragons. You drank the elixir now you still have to go out and kill the beast. Will you do it? That part is entirely up to you. The good thing is that you just need to kill the dragon once.