Nah fuck this, I’ll keep going. I told myself to commit to this custom and keep going till I can build the life I want. I think I should use SanguineU more though because I feel like life is constantly beating me down.
I have supportive people in my life that I’m thankful for. But I still feel alone in how much I struggle.
One thing that’s been made abundantly clear to me. Constantly criticizing myself for not achieving what I want, or having down days, or not being as put together as everyone else doesn’t help. I’m getting better at showing myself compassion and not just having a knee jerk reaction of being a lazy unmotivated piece of shit.
Holding myself to a standard of operating like everyone else around me when I’m unaware of what else they have going on isn’t fair. Meaning my mental bandwidth might be significantly lower and it’s not fair to judge myself for it.
But this isn’t recent , I’m talking a lifetime of this stuff. The negative internal dialogue I’ve had with myself that just tears down even my smallest achievements as not good enough. Imagine building something and every step of the way somebody just comes by with a sledgehammer and wrecks it and that’s my life in a nutshell. All because growing up everyone just assumed I never tried hard enough vs being burdened with a lot more than my young mind could handle.