Day 3: Libertine v2 (One loop)
Crazy day! Left the house at 11 am and came back at 2 am. One loop of WayneT is affecting me for two days noticeably and in conjunction with Libertine, the results are fucking astounding. While I did NOT notice more head turns from women on the street, girls were laughing so hard when I made a joke. I was literally telling the same joke once only in front of my best buddy and once next to this girl, and she was laughing so loud that it was even a little bit uncomfortable.
WayneT definitely had my social skills in check and I could banter with everyone. Especially I seem to be much better at telling stories where I am playing it out, doing voices, etc. Loved that! Oh and completely did not care what other strangers think of me as we (/I) were dancing in the middle of the main train station to music. I reconnected with two of my past fuck buddies today and they seemed to love me. First I thought they would be interested in my best friend because they talked much more to him but as soon as I left they did too! I feel they could even be a bit intimidated by my presence, I mean I know it too if there would be a complete bomb, 10 out of 10, sitting next to my best friend I would keep talking and facing my friend to not “fuck up and look cool”. WayneT will help me get rid of this for sure soon, but definitely reasonable reaction from the girls. AND I am also noticing that these two no longer meet my qualifications. Khan literally said to me: How could you even see them regularly for so long?
Day 4: WayneT (One loop)
The following introspection before listening to the loop, still a result of the first loop 3 days ago.
The day is still not finished but I want to add here that I discovered so much about my inner workings today. While I consider myself to be mostly healed, there is one big huge trauma that still fucks me up and which manifested in many various forms. I might add up sharing the whole story here but what I did today was to share it with somebody in private. Felt great to really just express your innermost feeling with somebody you trust, but it also made it clear that there is still much work to do. And this is a big priority! Finally to get rid of it.
What I noticed, how the trauma is manifesting itself in my life:
Self-esteem and self-image is directly linked to how many girls I see. My whole need to seduce is actually so that I feel accepted and validated
Fear of sexual intercourse without booze
Fear of not being good enough, especially being vulnerable with a lover. What if she doesn’t like my true self? What if she finds out who I truly am? What if she only likes the facade? Why does she like me at all?
Premature Ejaculation and maybe ED when going through slight anxiety attacks and drinking heavily
Fearing when girls actively seduce me and I am losing control
I believe this is the work of New Beginnings. The things will not hold me back for long now with my new custom. WayneT is actually perfect to tackle all of it!