You can watch it in the astral
Ended up playing video games (Minecraft) all day long. When this happens, you know it serious… Playing video games was the first addiction I developed and solved when I was 14 and since then I completely turned my life around. NB or the reconciliation in general, brought it up and I could barely do anything else besides lying in bed and playing Minecraft.
At least in the evening, I felt like the veil was finally lifting a bit.
There is a part of me that is so sensitive it just wants to cry all day for having needed to endure all the pain here in the 3D. It was here all along - now brought up by New Beginnings - it was covered for so long by my big inflated ego pushing me to do more… be more… to finally feel whole. Everyone is already whole but ever evolving. All that is needed is self-love: Forgiving, accepting and loving ALL aspects of you, whole heartedly and fully. The relationship you have with yourself is the relationship you have with ALL that is and ever will be.
Went out with my buddies to watch a movie. I must say I do not even know why I am still friends with one of them. I really cannot connect with him anymore. He is such a “nice guy” weirdo nerd, drinking cacao all day, but when he is not your opinion he gets super passive-aggressive because he sees certain things, opinions, etc as LAW.
But in the end, I love him for teaching me a lesson. I had such a strong dislike and reaction towards him is because I was suppressing that part of myself who is like him, the little nerd inside myself. All my years since 5th grade, I tried to become this “cool kid”, becoming more social, more manly, more badass. And I succeeded, especially since running subs like Khan. But inside myself is still this little nerd that needs affection. When you love all of yourself fully and feel this love of yourself at all times, you radiate it towards others, regardless of who they are. Now that I learned my lesson I can break up the friendship and love him for his unique expression whenever we shall meet. But if similar people/events will continue to come up regularly in my life, I know that there is still more healing to do.
Going through a lot of clearing and developing a new way to look at life’s challenges. This is what I wrote down today:
Every problem with life stems from an issue of nonacceptance, of NOT LOVING THE SELF. What we experience in infancy and childhood largely determines whether we grow up loving ourselves or not. Learning to love ALL OF THE SELF is dependent on the quality of our caretaker’s love for us. Too often we are loved only when we display those aspects of our nature which mother finds acceptable; we therefore learn at a young age to suppress what is unacceptable, and to present a FALSE SELF or safe face to the world.
When you loathe others for whatever characteristics they are the embodiment of, it is a part of YOU that requires healing. It is an insecurity of yours, a nonloving part of you. When you love all of yourself fully and feel this love of yourself at all times, you radiate it towards others, regardless of who they are. The relationship you have with all that is and ever will be is the relationship you have with yourself because your outside world is a mirror of your inside world and your inside world is a mirror of your outside. What this means is Love, accept and forgive ALL, wholeheartedly and fully. Gravity keeps the planets in place, gravity holds everything together; so is Love.
What if fear is an expression of not loving yourself?
What you really fear is inside yourself. It is a part of yourself that you do not love. That is non-loving. It doesn’t love because it fears. It fears not being loved. So you must shine love onto it.
What do I fear?
I fear rejection. I fear rejection because there is part of myself I do not love fully. The part of me being a weird nerd. This part is non-loving. It doesn’t love others because it fears. It fears not to be loved. So I must show it love, by shining my love onto it.
LSD And Subliminals Theory
That is great to hear!
What spoke the most to you? What are you going to implement for yourself?
The linl between love and fear. I’ve seen this, I’ve felt this. Before speaking to people! What if they don’t give me the love I want fpr myself? What if I try to get some love and fail. Why you feel that way? Because you don’t love that part of yourself, so you are sharing and hoping people will love it… If not…!
This is fear. Fear of not being loved.
I mean, it is really a work in progress, it is hard, some days you might just hate yourself, some other days you feel calmer and find easier to love yourself. It’s a work in progress always.
Wow we really are on the same frequency right now. Love it!
Thing is, I felt it this morning when speaking to people. I was shy and the only thing I felt was that “will that girl love me more if I talk to her?”. “will I get the love I need”. Fuck, it was hard. It was a little bit awkward, but you know, growth is not, comfortable.
I smiled at a girl, spoke to two other. Just for fun, I was a little bit awkward, but whatever! I really felt the need for love!
Healing and Purification is never “sexy”. One always wants to skip it but having the right foundation is crucial.
You CANNOT build a 120 floor penthouse out of mud, it would fall apart. You can build the first floor out of almost any material but if you want to get that far high you need the BEST material, the strongest foundation.
I salute you for going through that pain. We will build the fucking Burj Khalifa!
Have been taking yesterday (Saturday) and today (Sunday) off, and I certainly see improved results on rest days.
I am still in the “research phase” but I will soon come up with a plan to become my higher self and conquer remaining 2020.
Maybe the journey isn’t so much becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
Pain and recovery are the results of great ventures - CyberSec
This video opened my eyes, and I will close this thread temporarily, stay offline and continue with a private journal for an indefinite time.
To all the people here on the forum, thank you!
The support and love I got here over the last 16 months were tremendous and I am beyond grateful that I have been a part of this collective. I said it before and I will say it again, I am immensely proud of this community because it is not only one of true genuine people but also of badass action-takers. We are all striving to become the best version of ourselves and I see so many people reaching their goals, that I just make me genuinely happy.
All the love, all the joy! <3
45 days in and I am seeing the biggest results of my custom so far. The results are beyond anything I have ever witnessed on Khan alone.
I am happy to share more but I am not yet to ready to write a consistent journal again here on this forum because one of my biggest goals is still to get rid of my smartphone/computer addiction.
even if you won’t be consistent it be great for a monthly update from you to hear how things are going in detail. Your reviews and journal have been valuable guidepost to myself along my journey and I’m sure others. Until then lots of love and best.
Would love to know more about the difference between your regular Khan and your custom if you’d be willing to share.