Bujin - A New Narrative (Into the Q Continuum)


#182

@Malkuth

My original plan was to create four tightly focused customs. For whatever reason I took some shortcuts earlier on (e.g a combined health and wealth sub), which I ultimately regretted, but they did give me some insight into the effects of these customs. Now I finally have the four customs I envisioned at the start. It’s a heavy stack, but like you I’m focused on the long term.

Istari - Spiritual and energetic development, manifestation

Alchemist ST4 Core, Mind’s Eye Core, Ultimate Artist Core, Astral Projection X Core, Remote Viewing X Core, Blue Skies, DEUS, Divine Will, Dream Traveler, Emperor’s Voice, Information Releaser, Inner Voice, Intuition Enhancer, Jupiter, Omnidimensional, Spiritual Freedom, The Architect, The Flow, The Merger of Worlds, Yggdrasil

I believe AP core and RV core to be light weight, so I’m treating them as regular modules, not full cores. Ultimate Artist and Emperor’s Voice may seem out of place here, but anyone with experience in the occult will likely understand why I put them here. I would have preferred a Visual Artist module over UA, since I believe UA has a lot of extraneous stuff I don’t need, but it was the only option available. It bugs me a bit though.

Interestingly, this has probably been the subtlest of all four customs, probably since I’m already well developed in this area so the effects are less noticeable overall. However, Blue Skies and Dream Traveler are immediately effective, and it provides a nice mood boost. I don’t expect much reconciliation from this one, but it might be a slow burner.

Leonidas - Health, strength, powerful presence

Ascension Core, Spartan Core, Survival Instinct Core, Asclepius, BERSERKER, DEUS, Epigenetics & DNA Modulator, Equilibrium, Extreme Exercise Motivation, Inexhaustible, Invincible Presence, Iron Frame, Male Enhancement, Master’s Coordination, Omnidimensional, Power Awareness, Productivity Unleashed, Serum X, Steadfast, Submodel Alpha

This is focused on physical development and health, but I also wanted to get back to my martial arts training so I added a few modules focused on that. I suspect Survival Instinct may be partly the reason for that.

The main effects from this so far are increased motiviation to exercise, a focus on safety and protection in and around my home, noticeably stronger discipline and mental frame. Much of what this sub provides is already there in me, but it readily brings those qualities to the surface and allows them to express themselves more forcefully. I don’t expect a lot of reconciliation from this one, as I’m already partially aligned with much of it, although I’m also using this to help me move towards much more extensive workouts so I’ll probably have some around that. I’m really interested to see where this one takes me in 12 months.

Titan - Wealth, innovation, genius, financial and political power

Stark Core, Quantum Limitless ST4 Core, House of Medici Core, Carpe Diem Ascended, DEUS, Financial Success Reality Shifter, I.Q. and Cognitive Booster, Informaticon, Jupiter, Lion IV, Mastermind, Omnidimensional, Potentiator, Secrets of Akasha – Wealth, Sultan, Trailblazer, Tyrant, Unrelenting Wealth Motivation and Energy, Wealth Limit Destroyer, Yggdrasil

Running this I feel extremely focused, probably from QL4. It has also greatly expanded my vision of what I want and deserve. However, I’m using this sub to help drive a complete reinvention of my career, and I expect a fair degree of reconciliation. I also believe this sub is going to take the longest of my four to express itself fully. I expect this one will be a freight train over the long term though.

Renew - Emotional healing and growth

ARES, Attachment Destroyer, Blue Skies, Dream Traveler, EGO ADSUM, FEBRUUS, Gratitude Embodiment, Growth Through Pain, I AM, Information Releaser, Inner Voice, Joie de Vivre, New Beginnings, Omnidimensional, Regeneration Core, Sanguine, Spiritual Freedom, Stress Displacement, The Flow, The Merger of Worlds

My long-term roadmap always included a healing custom, so this was the final one needed to complete the set. This one is entirely dedicated to emotional healing and growth.
This was originally intended to be run solo during a “healing phase”. The modules can be broken down into the following groups:

Emotional healing:
ARES, Attachment Destroyer, FEBRUUS, Growth Through Pain, I AM, New Beginnings, Regeneration

Bring unconscious issues to the surface:
Dream Traveler, Information Releaser, Merger of Worlds

Mood improvement:
Blue Skies, EGO ADSUM, Gratitude Embodiment, Inner Voice, Joie de Vivre, Sanguine, Spiritual Freedom, Stress Displacement, The Flow

This was built in T² to go deep, but I really wasn’t sure how this one would turn out, or if any of the healing modules would conflict with each other and cause excessive reconciliation. Turns out it’s basically a happy pill. And it works fast, the effect is immediate. I’ve noticed absolutely no reconciliation on this at all, and so far I’ve tried up to 3 loops a day. It’s been so effective at improving my mood that it actually helps reduce reconciliation, so going forward I’ll be running one loop per day before running the rest of my stack, to reduce reconciliation and to provide ongoing mood and emotional healing benefits. Immediately and profoundly effective.

I’m finally satisfied with my customs, and aside from Ultimate Artist the cores are basically fixed now.

Ok, back to my cave now.


Need Depression stack suggestions
#183

:muscle::muscle::muscle:
:pray::pray::pray:

That is beautiful

Wish you joyful, productive traveling!!!

Deep well-being and satisfying fruition!


#184

I like your idea of running 4 specific customs each dedicated to a somewhat specific goal.
Healing/Growth, Wealth/Innovation, Dominance/Strength/Health, and then the last is spiritual. I am thinking of using your idea with some tweaks so i can get more use out of the customs i use and actually stick to them long term and reap crazy benefits.


#185

I had a rather startling dream last night, and wanted to document it here. It was incredibly vivid, so I’m thinking Dream Traveler may have been an influence.

I was transported to an alternate Earth, where the industrial revolution took a very different turn. Technology was like a combination of steam punk and electronics. People were dressed like in Victorian England, but I don’t know what year it was. There was electricity in the buildings and electric lights, and LCD panels with various information.

The air was thick with smog and pollution, you couldn’t see more than a few feet, and people wore face masks while outside. The outside of buildings were grimy with black residue. There were no trees, virtually everything natural was dead, destroyed by industry. I went into a building. Inside the air was clear, as they had air filters. I asked a dapper mustachioed gentleman what happened to the pollution removed from the air and he said “Why, it goes right back outside, of course, where it belongs” and he laughed.

Most people had some form of deformity, massive pustules or missing limbs or large scale mutations, due to the pollution. The rich generally had far fewer mutations living in their air-filtered homes and buildings, whereas the poor were constantly exposed and suffered horrendous mutations. Nobody cared in the least about the pollution and the devastated planet, they acted as if it was normal and laughed at the idea that it was something bad, it was just “progress”.

I went to a restroom, and saw a man with a withered arm and leg struggling to do up his trousers, so I waited patiently until he finished and left the room before I entered. The toilet and sink were placed 10 feet up the wall, and there were poles alongside them for climbing up. It seems people climbed up the wall to use the toilet and sink, holding onto the poles the entire time. It occurred to me that the people here had extraordinary physical strength, perhaps as compensation for their poisoned and corrupted bodies. I really needed to pee, but there was no way I could climb up and pee in the toilet while holding onto the pole, I didn’t have the strength these people had, but the man with the withered arm and leg was standing just outside the door and I didn’t want him to know I couldn’t do it as that would expose me as not being from here. I looked for a closed stall and found one, but it was extremely narrow, like a gym locker, seemingly designed for those with certain extreme mutations.

Unfortunately one of my cats woke me at this point. The whole thing had the feel of a twisted Jules Verne novel, and it felt almost like a window to our own future unless we can stop poisoning and destroying our own planet out of greed and stupidity.


#186

Wow, that is detailed. Funny how some things (like toilets) become so prominent in our dreams.

Assuming there’s some kind of message to it, I wonder what it was, placing the toilet out of reach. Would be funny if it was just your subconscious telling you you really needed to go but it didn’t want to wake you up.

Reminds me of a TV series where they’ve destroyed the Earth with pollution, the rich live in climate-controlled domes and they find a way to travel back to the time of dinosaurs and start a new colony then/there.


#187

I think I understand the toilet part.

Toilets being unavailable when you need to go usually symbolize frustration, or insurmountable obstacles. Considering the overarching theme of the dream about pollution and devastation of the planet, I think it relates to that. The state of the planet, not just from climate change but from the total cumulative effects of many decades of intense industry and lax regulations world-wide, is my most important concern. But without concerted global political action (which has failed utterly), nothing I can do as an individual will make the slightest bit of difference.

So I think the link is pretty clear here. I didn’t actual feel any need to go when my cat woke me up.

Now I just need Mastermind and Dream Traveler to show me a way forward.


#188

Which is what the collective of individuals think that drives them to do nothing.

COVID can also indicate the devastation of the planet (and thus factor into your dream), as some say that it is our influence that made nature too weak to catch it before it jumped to human beings.

Either way, it is definitely a legitimate concern. For my part, at very least I’m doing a lot towards sustainable living and supporting green initiatives. Influencing the world through willpower takes slightly longer.

Interesting that association between toilets and frustration. I don’t recall ever having gone at all during dreams. No time for personal hygiene. :slight_smile:

Well, good luck! And thanks for the detailed description.


#189

One of the reasons I went with separate targeted customs is that it allows me to focus on a specific area if I feel I need to. That’s what I’ll be doing for all of October. I’ll be exclusively running Leonidas plus Commander and Legacy Ultimas. I’ll also be doing a lot of strength-based workouts. If I experience any heavy reconciliation I can swap in a loop of Renew, but only if I feel I really need it.

Mon-Fri:
4x Leonidas, 1x Commander, 1x Legacy
Sat-Sun: Rest

Leonidas:
Health, strength, powerful presence

Ascension Core, Spartan Core, Survival Instinct Core, Asclepius, BERSERKER, DEUS, Epigenetics & DNA Modulator, Equilibrium, Extreme Exercise Motivation, Inexhaustible, Invincible Presence, Iron Frame, Male Enhancement, Master’s Coordination, Omnidimensional, Power Awareness, Productivity Unleashed, Serum X, Steadfast, Submodel Alpha


#190

I had to push running this stack back a week after a personal loss, so I was actually running Renew the first week of October. It really did help to accept and release all those inevitable emotions that come up during times like these.

But for the last week I’ve been running the Leonidas stack outlined above, and it’s been fantastic. I’ve felt a mental fortitude that I’ve rarely felt before, and a singular focus and determination to get things done. I’ve spend the last week doing all sorts of horrible, back-breaking work on my property that I’ve been putting off for months, and in some cases years. Lots of digging in very rocky soil, removing tree stumps and chest-sized rocks, all by hand. I didn’t feel motivated to do it as such, but rather the usual thoughts about avoiding the really unpleasant work were simply absent. I’m putting this down to a combination of Productivity Unleashed, Iron Frame and Inexhaustible. Possibly some Extreme Exercise Motivation as well, since this has been a seriously heavy workout, to the point I’ve put my regular workouts on hold for now, I don’t think my aging body could take both.

Interestingly I was drawn to work on the most physically demanding tasks rather than what I thought were the higher priority ones.

I’ve also had what felt like detox reactions the last couple of days, e.g. a cough with phlegm would start up out of nowhere, last an hour or two, then disappear. Maybe Asclepius at work? My sleep has been a bit messed up too, maybe 7 or 8 hours total over the last couple of days, although I’m not sure why. I’ve also cut out sugar, it wasn’t even a debate in my mind, the thought simply came to me a few days ago “I don’t want sugar”, and I’ve felt no desire to have it since.

I haven’t left my property since I started the Leonidas stack, so I can’t comment on the other potential benefits, but that should change next week. But so far I’m just really impressed at this feeling of mental and physical strength I’m experiencing.

Although over the long term I’ll be stacking my customs, I’m liking this idea of focusing on just one for a period of time first, to build a foundation for it, before stacking it with the others. It also helps to isolate the unique effects of each custom. So when I complete this month on Leonidas, I’ll probably do a month focusing on just Titan.

I looked at the new modules, there were some I really liked, but I won’t be rebuilding my customs again for a while. I’ll consider it in 6 months.


#191

I’ve been thinking through a lot of things today while I was outside working, and I wanted to write them down to help get them straight in my head. It meanders a bit, and goes into some “spiritual” areas, but ultimately describes why I created Leonidas.

I might delete this post in a few days though, I don’t like revealing so much of myself. But sometimes you just need to write this stuff down somewhere.

I grew up in the suburbs, but ever since I moved out of my parent’s home I’ve lived in big cities - Sydney, London and New York. I indulged in what they had to offer - bars, museums, festivals etc. I hated doing any kind of manual work, and never enjoyed sport much. I entered a career that kept me in an office, where I parked my arse in front of a computer for 10 hours a day. Although I exercised somewhat, I was soft. But life was good, and I enjoyed both my professional and social lives.

Fast forward to around ten years ago. My career had progressed immensely, but there was something missing in my life, a sense of lack that drove me into depression, but I didn’t know of what. By happenstance (or not?) I met a traditionally trained shaman, now living in rural England of all places. I had doubts, but after some discussion I decided to do an Ayahuasca ceremony with them. The experience was profound. It certainly wasn’t the usual “tourism” Ayahuasca ceremony where you see lots of pretty lights and puke a bit, then go home feeling happy. This was deep and dark.

I felt my body driven into the earth and eaten by worms, digested and excreted to form itself anew. I spent hours with my head hanging over a bucket, delving deep into myself, unearthing and exploring the darkest aspects, and expelling indescribable substances each time I did. I could see energy parasites swimming in the effluence in the bucket. When there was nothing left, I saw a vine spring up from the earth, and grow through my spine and up to the heavens, and a bolt of lightening strike down from the heavens, through the front of my body, and into the earth. I was a conduit between heaven and earth, and was connected to and part of both, and their energies flowed through me. A blazing sun flared up inside me, and burned hot. This was my masculine essence, awakened and unleashed. I felt like a god, bright and glorious and immense.

That’s just a fraction of what happened that night, but it’s the most relevant. The ceremony had, unexpectedly, initiated my journey into true manhood, and over my course of several months I changed, leaving behind parts of myself I had outgrown. But this transformation never stopped, just slowed down, and I’ve been changing ever since.

Fast forward again, to 4 years ago, I was living in a large luxury apartment on the water next to NY’s Hudson Bay, with stunning views of the bay. I used to go to some of Manhattan’s finest bars on a regular basis, and my commute to work was only a few minutes. I made very good money. I genuinely loved the lifestyle, and I was content.

But then, suddenly, I changed again. Over the space of a couple of months I began to understand that I needed to explore other parts of myself. I’d achieved what I wanted here, this part of my life was done.

I bought 20 acres of woodland in upstate New York, with a small house and lots of wildlife, and eventually moved there full time. I grew vegetables. I baked my own bread. I cut down trees. I chopped wood for the fireplace. I carved out trails around the property. I dug up and reformed the land around the house. I learned to do repairs and renovations on my house. I learned to fix and maintain small engines. I learned how to make things with my hands, from resources on my own property. I learned to work with wood. I learned how to shoot a rifle and a bow. I learned to hunt. I learned to safely forage for wild plants and fungi. I learned to be aware of possible dangers around me. I learned the ways and cycles of the land and the wildlife around me. This was the piece I needed, a primal masculinity, a (mostly) self-sufficient man who could take care of himself and deal with anything that happened.

Some things though, like digging up tree stumps by hand - that shit is fucking brutal.

When I looked at my friends and colleagues with their pot bellies and skinny legs, and their safe and contented lives, all I saw was their slow descent into infirmity. You’re either growing or you’re wilting - there’s no in-between. At 48 my health is still good, and I believe that I can still become the strongest, fittest, healthiest and most powerful version of myself.

I’ve said in the past that I use subs for self exploration. I created Leonidas to help me explore aspects of my masculinity. Martial, survival, physical and mental strength, independence and a sense of personal power. And so far I’m very happy with it. I’ve felt my vision of the man I want to become further solidify and come to the surface.

That’s why I’ve been out busting my arse this last week, doing shit I could easily just pay someone to do for me with machinery. Because I can. And because it’s hard. And because it feels good once it’s done. I’ve also started tackling those tree stumps. My rewards are the new blisters and callouses on my hands, and the aches in my body every night, that show I’ve pushed myself that little bit further each day than I have before.

And besides, if you always take the easy road, what do you do when there are no easy roads left to take?

(That last bit might be Survival Instinct talking)


#192

amazing post,

your ability to end one purpose/ phase and begin another in tune with your calling is exemplary, and what seems greatly missing in modern masculinity.

thank you for sharing.


#193

Honestly, I didn’t really think about it too much, I just went with my gut and made it work. Same with when I moved countries, when the opportunities came up I made the decision on the spot rather than mull them over. It’s very easy to find reasons not to do something new, but that’s mostly based on fear. And I’ve never regretted any of my big decisions.


#194

I used to struggle somewhat to keep my physical and mental energy up throughout the day, and used to resort to supplements (e.g. cordyceps) to give me a boost, but I haven’t used them in days now. I’m guessing it’s Inexhaustible at work here, but I’ve been powering through the whole day, even with all the physical work I’ve been doing, and I still feel good at the end of the day. I still enjoy a coffee in the morning, but that’s because I love the taste of good coffee.

Got to say, I’m really impressed with Leonidas. And it seems to be getting more potent each day. I’m still listening 4 days a week, which seems the optimal amount for me.

My sleep is still a bit messed up though, I’m not sure if it’s related. I’ve been averaging about 5 hours a night for the last week. Might be time for some Valerian.


#195

You may have said this above, but I can’t find/remember it–are your customs Terminus build or Q?


#196

that is very, very inspiring.

much appreciated.

so much in there.

as a matter of interest, in the workings I’ve learned for connecting/aligning with angelic entities, it is recommended to, in the moment of connection, imagine lightning striking down through you similar to the spontaneous manifestation you describe in the 5th paragraph of your post.

Thanks again for sharing this pithy, powerful reflection. I’ll be returning to read it periodically for as long as it’s here.


#197

Istari - T
Leonidas - Q
Titan - Q
Renew - T²

I really like T² but I found stacking multiple T² customs made it really easy to stonewall, especially with my previous combined Health & Wealth custom. It was a pain to manage, so when I built Titan and Leonidas I went with plain Q. I’ll increase them to T only when I feel I’ve progressed enough with them. I don’t seem to stonewall with Istari, but since I was planning to stack it with Titan and Leonidas, I didn’t want to overload things, so dropped that down to T.

Renew was intended to run solo during healing phases, and I wanted it to work at a deep level, so it works really well at T². But it’s also ok to do a single loop of this before running a short stack, the sheer amount of feel-good programming in it reduces reconciliation.


#198

Thanks for the kind words.

I don’t like revealing so much of myself, but I felt compelled to write it. Maybe there’s a reason for that, especially given that it makes me uncomfortable. So maybe it’s best that I leave it up.


#199

Felt pretty down this morning, there was no obvious trigger for this so might have just been reconciliation, or possibly something rising to surface consciousness.

So I ran one loop of Renew before my Leonidas stack, and as usual it perked up my mood immediately. I love this custom.

At some point I’ll have to dedicate three full months to just running Renew. If anything can deep-clean my psyche, this can.


#200

I haven’t posted any updates in a couple of weeks because I’ve been really busy. I just feel a strong desire to be active, whether it’s working on my property, or working out. I have a list of tasks to do several dozen long, and keep adding more every couple of days, and I’m working my way through them. And this desire seems to be increasing daily. I feel really antsy sitting at my computer, even when I’m working. I’m sitting here now drinking my morning coffee, and I keep looking outside planning my day’s activities.

I feel a real need to push my body, to strengthen and tone it, and recently I keep thinking I need to start yoga again. My flexibility is definitely not what it used to be. I don’t care much about appearances, I just want a strong and healthy body.

An interesting observation, my voice has softened over the last 3 weeks. I’m less likely to speak loudly or forcefully. I would have expected the opposite on Leonidas. But I can still make an impact when speaking, and if anything that seems to have increased. It’s like I simply don’t feel the need to project myself as much. Perhaps I was compensating for something with my voice and I no longer feel the need to. I’m just speculating, I really don’t know.

Lots of dreams, many about conflict - dystopian futures, devastated cities and war.

I’m planning another week on Leonidas before moving to Titan for a month, but there’s the possibility of trouble after next week’s election so I’ll see what happens with that first. I’m happy to extend my time on Leonidas if need be.

After Titan I’ll do a month on Istari. I’ve really enjoyed my time dedicated to Leonidas, it’s helped me understand the sub a lot more, and I’m hoping a dedicated month on the others will do the same. After that I can go back to stacking them for the long term, hopefully with a decent foundation to build on. Or maybe I’ll just keep alternating them. We’ll see how it goes.


#201

One other curious thing I’ve noticed - I’m a lot more focused on the function, appearance and neatness of my home. I already used to be to some degree, but with few visitors these days I let this slide somewhat, but now I’m doing a lot of updating, refurnishing and rearranging, and I’ve prioritized cleaning and having everything in its place.

This isn’t something I really expected with Leonidas, but I think if it’s important to me I’m more likely to get it done, irrespective of what it is. I do what needs doing, and offer no excuses. This goes way beyond what I’ve had with other subs.

I also believe the outer tends to reflect the inner - messy and poorly structured home = messy and poorly structured state of mind. The lack of discipline applies to both. So I think this is a reflection of the improvements in discipline and structure occurring inside me.