I was reading back over this journal, and it’s clear how valuable it was to me back when I was noting things down on a daily basis, so going forward I’ll journal more frequently, even if it’s just to jot down random thoughts or feelings, or to say “nothing eventful happened today”.
I took a break day yesterday after listening over the weekend. A lot of stuff was going through my head all day, and a wide range of emotions, starting with some anxiety in the morning through to calm in the evening. Feel fine today, so whatever it was worked itself out.
I had a dream last night where I was constructing a stone circle on my property. That seems a fine idea, I’m going to do that. I used to love visiting stone circles in Britain. I’ll build it on the spot I dreamed about, and I’ll put a large fire pit in the center. Should be fantastic for rituals.
I’m sitting at my computer trying to get work done, but I’m struggling to focus. I’m just not enjoying my job much these days, but it’s useful for now. I’d much rather be doing things outside, even with the chilly and windy weather. I wonder if and how that will change once I switch to Titan. I’m excited to find out.
I think you posted you were running Q, T, and T2 formats. What have you noticed as differences and results with each?
I find all formats effective, they each just have a different character.
Q is the most consistent in effect, and definitely the easiest to run.
T² hits the deepest, and sometimes seems like it’s not doing anything, then suddenly I’ll notice a big change overnight. Mind’s Eye T² was a great example of this, the improvements weren’t gradual, they occurred in distinct jumps. I think T² is great for deep emotional changes, which is why I used it for my Renew custom.
T is more like Q than T². I also found running more than one T² is risky, I found it too easy to stonewall. So if you’re stacking it might be better to stick with Q and T.
Thanks for the info!
Personally, I like to experiment and it’s mostly about self-exploration, so I’m not too fussed if something works differently than expected. But I think the vast majority of people can get the results they want with standard Q. It’s pretty consistent and predictable. My Leonidas custom has been hugely effective for me in only a couple of weeks of dedicated listening, and that’s standard Q.
I know I said I’d update more frequently, but I didn’t post because I’ve been totally engrossed in the election count. I normally despise politics, but this was like watching the tortoise overtake the hare, and I couldn’t look away.
Anyway, I decided to finish up with Leonidas on Thursday last week, and I’ll be starting Titan tomorrow after 3 days break. I’ve really enjoyed Leonidas, and I think this has been one of the most productive months I’ve ever had, but it’s time to change tack. I’ll get back to Leonidas in a couple of months.
Ergh, didn’t take long. During my third loop this hit hard, I felt this wave of tension rise up out of nowhere and become almost overwhelming. I stopped that loop and currently listening to a loop of Renew, which is working its magic. The tension has reduced to a low, background level.
I think I’ll need to take it slow with Titan.
I forgot to mention I’ll also be listening to 1 loop of BLU as well as Titan.
More reconciliation today. Waves of tension rising up from my gut area, and I’m feeling vaguely upset about something. There’s some serious resistance going on to this sub, I can feel the conflict inside me. I’ll finish up today with a loop of Renew while meditating, and I have a rest day tomorrow.
Tomorrow I’ll also go over my goals and decide on set actions for the next week or two. I really should have done that before starting Titan.
Leonidas was pretty smooth and enjoyable, but it looks like Titan might be a rough ride.
While I’ve run Titan before this and never had this degree of reconciliation before, I’ve never run it exclusively. Running the other subs as well most likely diffused the effects enough that they weren’t so severe. This probably validates my decision to run each custom exclusively* for a month to build a foundation before stacking, as it’ll give me a chance to focus on the internal blockages specific to that sub. Otherwise I may have run it for months in a stack and not made much progress.
(*) I can run Renew but only when I’m dealing with a lot of reconciliation, as it seems to help with that.
Rest day today, and I’m feeling frustrated and jittery for no apparent reason. I was also thinking before that it would be nice to go back to Leonidas. All of that is obviously reconciliation. I’ll be running Titan for at least 5 weeks (mid December).
I’m pleasantly surprised that Titan is the only one of my four customs that causes significant reconciliation, but I’m disappointed that it’s so bad. I didn’t really expect it since I’m already a high earner, but I clearly have a lot of work to do in this area if I want to go up to the next level. I suspect part of it is because I’ve been in my current career for so long that deep down I find it difficult to accept changing it, but that’s exactly what I need to do.
I had a dream last night where I was told I had to find “mythical Dana”. It made an impression on me and I woke up with the words “mythical Dana” running over and over in my mind.
I’m not sure what this means, if anything. Some research shows there was an Irish goddess Danu (or Dana in modern Irish), who was a primordial goddess of nature. That’s a potentially interesting link, but I really don’t know.
Counted among the oldest of the ancient Celtic gods in Ireland, Ana (also known as Anu , Dana , Danu , and Annan ) possibly embodied the primordial scope, with her epithets describing her as a mother goddess. Thus the Celtic goddess, often portrayed as a beautiful and mature woman, was associated with nature and the spiritual essence of nature, while also representing the contrasting (yet cyclic) aspects of prosperity, wisdom, death, and regeneration
The word “prosperity” in the quote above is interesting.
I’ve been using the word “wealth”, but I haven’t really defined what that means to me. I’m actually not sure at this point. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Money isn’t the same thing as wealth, and money was never a driver for me, not even close. I’m not at all interested in at the stuff people usually associate with “wealth”. So what am I looking for? Why am I running Titan in the first place? What does “wealth” mean to me? Is it just money or something more? What is my end goal?
And why did I build this custom without knowing the answer to these questions?
It was mentioned that being really advanced in an area can cause harder and worse the reconciliation because the sub will be effecting the deepest, likely most stuck or hurt, aspects of our being that has not caused us to get the next level. like the gentleman who was in professional fitness, Bodybuilding I believe, had really dark, think- depressive even suicidal thoughts, reconciliation on Emperor Fitness. Also whatever caused one to get to that level of success may be totally different than what would be needed to get to the next level of success and this could also cause a similar ‘beginner’ reconciliation.
That your starting to look to define wealth and you purpose/goals of running Titan in the first place seems to be opening up whatever that next level will be.
I think this is exactly the case. I’ve succeeded up to now by being very good at my line of work, but to get to the next level I’ll need to leave all that behind. It’s a very risky proposition, and right now I’m not entirely sure what will be required of me. That’s definitely part of the reason for my resistance. But there’s more to it than just fear of the unknown, because it also requires changing the internal model I have of myself, and of the things that define me - including my career, which has defined a large part of who I am for most of my life. That’s going to be one of the biggest challenges.
I spent part of today working through some of those questions, but I’m not there yet. It might take a while. But the good news is I did three loops of Titan today and it felt a lot more comfortable, so perhaps this period of discovery is exactly what I needed to do to move forward.
I don’t think I’ll create an Ultima custom at this point, I haven’t given the standard Ultimas a fair shot yet. Currently running 1 loop of BLU in the morning, and 1 loop of Dreams in the evening, 4 days a week. I’ll continue with these while I listen to Titan.
Any result you can share from the dreams ultima?
I’ve only listened to it twice so far so it’s a bit early to say.
I did have an unusually vivid dream last night. It was quite long and rambling, but contained a number of elements symbolizing frustration in certain areas of my life. But that’s just one dream, hopefully I’ll have a better feel for the sub after running it a week or two.