That is an awesome story.
Thanks. It might have happened anyway, but I don’t think I’d have thought about it, looked up how to do it, and influenced the wife to do it without being on this. At least not at this point.
It also went remarkably smoothly. A lot of times they reject you at first and you have to appeal several times. We just had her doctor fill something out sent it in and got it.
**Cycle 2 Week 5**
I felt pretty good all weekend. There was no kind of reconciliation that I noticed.
I got my hair cut on Saturday morning. I noticed right away that the lady who I got was cute, but during the first part of my haircut she was quiet and businesslike. Then I realized that I wasn’t thinking like the “new me” is supposed to. I thought that I was being shy and quiet like I always used to and missing the opportunity to at the very least have a fun and flirtatious interaction. The moment I thought that, something odd happened. SHE changed. She became pretty outwardly flirty, was making strong inviting eye contact in the mirror and became very chatty. She revealed a lot about herself that could be considered embarrassing, and kind of giggled about it. She also got very touchy, and “accidentally” brushed my face with her chest more than once. She took much more time than these things usually do. She seemed to know what she was doing, so I don’t think that was an accident either.
If I’d been able to come up with some kind of plan, I am quite sure that I could have turned the interaction into something more (obviously not right then and there). I just didn’t know quite how to do that. That would have bothered me a few years ago, now I just enjoyed it and know there will be other opportunities.
The really weird thing is that she responded immediately when my thinking changed before anything in my demeanor or actions could have. At least if there was a shift in how I was carrying myself, it was so subtle that I don’t know what it was.
Later, while shopping, I noticed quite a few glances from women and girls. While we were in the checkout line this young girl stared at me without blinking for a good five or ten minutes. I don’t know that she was an adult yet, and it was the same clueless type of stare that I used to give girls when I was a very socially awkward teenager. It would have made me very uncomfortable if I was as self conscious as I was even a few years ago. Some of the sexuality aspects of my custom seem to be really kicking in.
I have not been running Libertine though I am definitely going to be giving version two a test drive in the very near future.
- OK, I got the ultimas from 12 that I already had and Executive ready to play. I have Executive, Godlike Masculinity, Dreams, Libertine V2, True Social, and The Commander. I’m debating which one to try first. I WANT to go with Libertine, but the responsible thing to do is play Executive as soon as I wake up. Choices Choices.
Go with v2 go with v2 …lol
Let us know how it is
LOL. I don’t have much of an opportunity to put it to a good test these days. Stupid COVID, or stupid reaction to it anyway. I don’t get within social range of many women on a regular basis except for the wife who has always been crazy attracted to me no matter what. If any of my co workers get a thing for me, I do NOT want to know.
I remembered at least part of a dream today. It’s been a while since that happened.
I was having some kind of meeting with Barack Obama of all people in this weird futuristic city with all kinds of catwalks over the streets. The architecture was just strange and kind of surreal. I don’t remember what we talked about or why I was meeting with him.
At some point there was a huge explosion somewhere in the city. I’m talking daisy cutter size or bigger. It shook everything even though it was miles away and threw a smoke and dust plume thousands of feet in the air.
I knew it was a bomb. I for some reason became responsible for protecting him, and kept asking “where’s your damn protection team?”
They finally showed up and ushered him into a kind of secret room which I was locked out of. I wondered why he still had that since he was no longer president. I also got the impression that he knew what was going on and wasn’t being straight about it.
I’m not trying to get political here. I’m sure that he represented something other than himself to my subconscious.
I tried Executive when I woke up. It didn’t seem to do much and caused mild reconciliation. I caught the reason though. Part of me still sees me as lazy, and likes being lazy. We can deal with that.
- Man, my subconscious really doesn’t like something in The Executive. I’ve felt more down today than I have in a long time, I’ve had a headache all day (though I’m not sure how much of that is reconciliation and how much is seasonal change and all the damn smoke in the air.), and I actually felt a little queasy while I was getting ready to go into work. I don’t know if this means I should keep running it, or maybe give it a break for now. I think that part of the problem might be that I have such a sedentary job that I don’t have much to do that I see as productive. It’s kind of like pushing myself into a wall.
This. Libertine V2 sits in my library as of now. Curious about it, but I know there isn’t much of a point to running it for now.
I’m thinking that I might want to go with some Godlike Masculinity action for now. That or Dreams. I don’t usually dream and so many others here seem to do so every night.
Got promising results with this one. Posted in my journal about that.
- I’m having a mentally rough night. It doesn’t feel too bad, I’m just constantly thinking that I’m not living the life I should be. That I somehow took a wrong turn a while back and not to sound melodramatic, but I am not fulfilling my destiny. The emotion I’m feeling about this is pretty mild compared to angst sessions I’ve had before, but the thoughts are somehow deeper. I keep seeing what my timeline might look like if I had made a different decision, or had looked at something differently at various points in my life. It’s almost like they’re real. Through it all runs a deep dissatisfaction with where I am now.
Yep, remembering weird dreams and existential angst. Something is definitely stirred up in my subconscious.
Oh well, the only way through it is through it.
- I felt somewhat down again today. I actually got a little glimpse of the negative thinking and depression that used to be my mental reality for a long time, and had to make a conscious choice not to plunge back into it. The good news is that I had a conscious choice and recognized what was going on.
It’s odd that a single loop of Executive would do this to me. I didn’t have this kind of issue on Libertine or Rebirth. I think I’ll try a loop of Godlike Masculinity in the morning to make sure it’s not just the fact that I’m adding an ultima to what I’m already doing.
If my subconscious has this much of a problem with Executive, it probably means that it’s something I should be using, but I don’t want to lose the progress I’ve made with my custom right now.
**Cycle 2 Week 7**
I had kind of a rough week last week, and didn’t really feel like posting. One of our pets passed away, and it had an emotional impact on the entire family. I feel a lot better now, but it was pretty bad for a few days before and after. I purchased Sanguine and that helped a lot.
I had reported that Executive had kicked up a bunch of anxiety the one time I’ve run it, but it was anxiety about that, so I’ll give it another try in the near future.
I noticed this week and last that the subs just seem like background noise when I’m running them, at least the Q strength do. I think that that’s a good sign that the script has a greater level of acceptance in my subconscious and whatever is being said no longer seems strange or alien. It could be a sign that the real work has begun.
I’m sensing more and more of a connection with that lady who talks to me as she comes into work. She seems to spend as much time as she can talking to me before going in. Several times this week, she’s almost been late because she was talking to me. She maintains strong eye contact the whole time, and even though I’ve talked myself out of thinking so before, there’s something in it.
I might try to make something out of this, but I can’t really think of a way to do that in this situation. Plus it might be real trouble. She’s married and knows I am. She doesn’t know that my marriage is open either. Hmmm, what to do.
This is my last active listening week for this cycle. I’ll be taking next week off, and I think I’m going to add more Terminus in next cycle. Maybe I’ll try running one loop of T the first day of the week as well as the last.
I tried a loop of Godlike Masculinity when I woke up this afternoon. It’s hard to say what effects it’s had other than dropping my voice a few octaves, but I will say that I’ve felt great all day.
I am very pleased with the new Q modules. I especially wanted to thank Saint and Fire for Journey’s Guide. As far as I know I’m the only one who has requested something to deal with sense of location and direction. I lost the job I really wanted a few years ago due to my poor sense of direction so this will really help when I get another shot at it.
I’ve gone back to planning my next custom which I’m going to start at the first of the year. I’ve got three possible goals for 2021.
Keep making the gains that I’ve been making on Dominus. Upgrade the core to Emperor and perhaps add in Sex and Seduction.
Really focus on getting my crap together, and strengthening all of my weak points in preparation for making a real move career wise in 2022. I call that one The Shitgatherer. It’ll be Emperor based as well, and I’m debating a second core, but I haven’t decided which one yet.
Go full bore on getting that job I want. This isn’t a normal hiring process, it involves at the very least a written test, and a very tough formal interview. I’ve worked that one out.
Sub model Alpha
Virtuoso di Mathematica
That’s the last listen for cycle two done. I feel pretty good. I noticed that even my Terminus loops just seemed like background noise to me tonight. Now I have a full week off to let things sink in.
I am going to be adding in more T loops starting next cycle. I think that I’m going to start with doing the first and last days of the week as one loop of each sub in T, then possibly work up to every other sub day.
I’d like an opinion from some people who have run Khan. I had been thinking of making Emperor the base for my custom for next year. However, that seems to give a kind of dark and quiet profile which I have always had anyway. From what I’ve read of Khan, it might serve to bring out my outgoing side a bit more, as well as help with money, perhaps getting a new job, and actually making use of the open relationship I’m in.
I have run stage one for about two months right before starting on my customs. Would that be a good idea?
**Cycle 2 Week 8** **Washout Week #2**
I tried running Libertine version two on Saturday just for the heck of it. I don’t know if it was reconciliation or I was just tired or what, but I felt energized at first and just kind of crashed a couple of hours later. I didn’t feel like going out to put it to the test or anything. Most of Saturday and this morning I just felt exhausted and grouchy. So me old negative thinking patterns started to resurface.
I don’t know for sure that this had to do with Libertine, so I’ll certainly give that one another try later. It may have been recon from my Terminus loops too.
I’m not running my customs until next Sunday because it’s my scheduled break week. This cycle seems to have gone really fast. It wasn’t until I went back and read my journal that I realized how much had happened.
I’m still struggling a bit with designing a custom to run all of next year. There are so many modules to run and I can only stick twenty of them in a sub.
I can go heavy since I am planning to run this one for a full year.
I decided to ask myself what I wanted life to look like on December 31st 2021. That’s helpful actually.
I have a number of changes that I’d like to see by then. In order of priority.
Financial stability. I want to be in a position where we bring in more money than we have monthly bills and expenses by a comfortable margin. I am sick of struggling to keep our heads above water. My wife is waiting on disability at this point, which would be a great help in getting to that goal. We should hear something fairly soon. This means that we have to get rid of some of the debt that’s causing us monthly payments. I have a plan for that, but it’s on hold until we get that second income going.
I want to have a life, social and otherwise. I’ve spent the last two to three years only having any kind of meaningful interaction with the three people I live with and not being able to afford any kind of recreational activity or anything. All I’ve done is work, sleep, take care of the wife and kid, and do housework.
It’s time to have some kind of fun.
I have lost most of the social connections I had so in order to get something going, I’m going to be adding Inner Circle Core to this custom.
I want to have one or more friend with benefits type of relationships going on.
That’s it for the goals that are a priority for next year. The rest might happen, but I’m ok if they come to fruition in 2022.
Get my career back on track. Either in the field that I’ve wanted to be in for so many years, or something else. As long as it’s a career and not a dead end.
We need a single story house. My wife is starting to have trouble getting up and down stairs. It’ll be ok for a while, but we do need to get on that.
Right now, I’m debating between using AM and PS as my other cores, or Emp and PS, or just using Khan stage 4. What does anybody think?
Wouldn’t this be great! I am wondering if the Inner Circle sub would be particularly effective for this.
@COWolfe anyways…is COVID there a problem still? Over here it is definitely still irritating to the extent that it trashed all social goals.
Open relationship, I forgot to put my usual disclaimer in there.
I haven’t taken too much advantage of it, but it’s time.