I’m tired and in bed, but wanted to write.
This was my first complete rest day. I may or may not take off tomorrow. I only say that since I heard some inner voice say one day is enough (not a norm for me). Not really critical either.
I had an awareness this morning which shows the healing subs are making some clear progress. I was doing a normal Monday route at work this morning, and the early AM darkness was getting brighter. I desired the darkness since, well, I’ve mentally found a safe place there and have done so for years.
Right then, I realized something had changed in me. To make this fantasy happen (even a week ago), my mind would focus on that and nothing else. In this thinking, I would block out anything and everything that kept the fantasy from happening.
But this morning… I just couldn’t go there, making my mind fall into line. I allowed it. I even enjoyed it. It was lighter and freer than I’d been a week ago, and I knew this was from my sub use.
And I had a good day