Digger's Khan Journal


#182

@d1gz - that explains why i am feeling tired today morning. Am running QL ST1 too.


#183

ST3 DAY 20

2/3 down. So I decided a 1:1 ratio for khan:QL is just too much for me right now. So for now, I’ll run 2 loops khan st3 and just 1 loop ql st1. Still feel tired but not as much as yesterday. If I still feel tired tomorrow, I’ll probably change the ratio to 3:1.
Wife got mad at my dad-in-law earlier. Didn’t want to meddle in that. Better have her mad at him than me.
Went grocery shopping with the family. Kids weren’t behaving. Somehow, lost that “chill” feeling I’ve had the past few days. Must have been QL interrupting that cause of all the repairs my brain has to go through? Good thing I didn’t blow a gasket. Still got mad though.


#184

ST3 DAY22

Given that my exam’s next week, I decided to switch to QL ST4 for now. But my listening ratio is 2:1, with 2 loops of khan st3 for every loop of ql st4.
Been feeling rather assertive lately. Am at times able to tell my wife no.
Been feeling productive lately also. Also been able to concentrate easier.
Not sure if it’s QL or khan, but yesterday, I had a gut feeling about stopping my car a few meters before the stop light intersection, as I was approaching it prior to taking a left turn. We were on the red, so we were supposed to stop. There was a big van in the center lane right beside me. As I was approaching the intersection, a pickup truck from our right made a left turn and came barreling towards the spot at the intersection right where I would have stopped had it not been for my intuition/gut feeling. I don’t know if I can explain this any better (as I explain easier with hand gestures).
Also finally got word from my medical insurance. Turns out the dental procedure I need to take cannot be covered. Big bummer. But it’s weird because, somehow, I don’t feel worried too much about the costs. So I’m really hoping something comes up to help pay for it.


#185

Best of luck for your exam!


#186

Thanks @mecharc


#187

Just wanted to make note of this link:

Always go where you look. It helps avoid distractions and increases focus and productivity.


#188

ST3 DAY25

Temper’s been flaring up lately. Not sure if it’s because of disappointment with kids after having parent-teacher conferences with my kids’ teachers or disappointment at myself because I couldn’t teach them better.
NoFap’s been going well. Though, lately when having sex, I sometimes ejaculate prematurely. Is it because of my horniness level also going on overdrive?
So I had the option on taking my test earlier than when I planned. It was a voucher after all. So, I decided, I can never really be prepared for this so what the hell? Took the theoretical part today and passed barely. Have 14 days to take the practical. I’m aiming on taking it next week. Will probably take some practice problems over the weekend. Hopefully, it will be a lot better as I used to do the practical portion a few years ago as part of my job. I guess as long as I remember the shortcuts and other tricks I used to do, I think it would be ok.


#189

Congratulations on passing the test. Great news. Wish you good outcome on the practical.


#190

I know what you mean.
NOFap was never an option for me but for sure i tried it and the only effect was that i ejaculate too fast when having real sex. This is real great for the wife or girlfriend and doesnt helped a bit.
I was searching the net and found some medical articles about masturbation and premature ejaculation. Regular masturbation can help to avoid that. Not talking about obsessive masturbation to porn which is for sure toxic.
So dont overthink the whole stuff. If Nofap doesnt fit your life style just drop it.


#191

Thanks @Malkuth


#192

@Hannibal - NoFap supposedly increases your sexual energy. But with khan making me even hornier, instead of sexual energy, I just feel pent up frustration. Given that I can’t have sex any time I wish (married with kids), NoFap just makes it even more difficult to release. And then when my wife and I finally have the chance for love-making, I shoot too soon. So yeah, maybe NoFap’s not really for me.


#193

Same boat here…married with kids. NoFap doesnt increase any energy nor it doesnt increase testosteron level except the little spike on the 7th day. After that the level is normal again.
I doubt that NoFap is helpful in a relationship. If you dont have a partner it can help to get out of the toxic cycle from masturbating to porn instead of taking action to find a real partner. Masturbation in a partnership is only a problem if you overdo it and you get negative effects from it. I have a high sex drive and like you it only leads me to frustration. Realy hard sometimes and i often remember the time before we had kids. How easy it was…


#194

ST3 DAY29

Was rather surprised that today was the 29th day. I had to actually count using a calendar.
So I’m not sure if it’s Khan or QL, but I feel like I’m pushing myself a lot more. Take for example the theoretical part of my certification exam. I was planning on taking it this week, but ended up taking it last week. And then the practical part, I was planning on taking it around Saturday, but decided what the hell. Took it last night. And sent my report hours before the deadline.
I tried pacing myself, but honestly, it feels like I need to keep pushing. Which is what I’m really afraid of. Like when I submitted the report earlier. Looking back, I know I did better than the first time I took the test. (I took it 2 years ago but was not even able to get past the 1st part of the practical). But I still feel some fear and apprehension as to why I did this. Oh well, I’ll know in a couple of weeks.
Aside from that, I feel that I need to keep learning. I just submitted the report and now I’m already going to start reviewing for another exam. I feel like my brain’s on hyperdrive. And that I need to keep pushing.
Also talked to a recruiter earlier. Wasn’t really into it as I didn’t really want to move to the area. But all of a sudden, I got an email saying the hiring manager wants to chat. And I didn’t even put my best foot forward (nor did I send my resume, they just checked my LinkedIn profile. So maybe this is Khan doing some manifesting? In fact, without even looking, I suddenly got messaged by 3 different recruiters all in the same week. Although, I’ve been burned like this before. But I don’t know. Maybe this time it might get better?


#195

ST3 DAY30

Lazy and tired. Was on leave today. Was planning on just lounging around the whole day. But had to do a lot of stuff at home instead.
Although I’ve been feeling motivated to learn a lot of stuff lately, I’ve also been feeling rather tired too. Just this morning, I woke up late but was still sleepy. My eyes keep blinking through out the day. Must be because both khan and ql need a lot of energy?
Tomorrow we’re expecting company, so most probably I’ll stick with ST3 and then move to ST4 the next day. I doubt I’ll be able to get enough hours to listen so might as well stay with ST3.


#196

ST4 DAY1

Given that I couldn’t get enough listening time yesterday, I opted to simply start ST4 today. Also, I felt that I should shift down to ST1 of QL as I was no longer taking an exam in the next few days, and I felt that ST4 for both Khan and QL may overload me. As of now, I already feel so tired. So right now, my stack is:
Khan ST4 x 3
QL ST1 x 1
Although feeling tired, somehow, I think my wife and kids are respecting me more. Wife asks for approval before buying or going shopping. Kids seem to be behaving much better when I’m around.
Not sure though about down shifting to QL ST1, but I guess it’s a little early to say. Planning on keeping this stack for 30 days.


#197

Good to hear your family are taking you seriously now after all this time. Asserting your dominance over your wife send to be getting results, for that I congratulate you.


#198

@d1gz - excellent. Things are picking up. Especially on the ‘Respect’ front. Good on you, bro.


#199

ST4 DAY2

I honestly don’t know what happened. Got mad at my wife and things blew up like shit. Ended up shouting and things almost got physical. With in-laws downstairs, I’m pretty sure things wouldn’t go well tomorrow.
I’m not sure if I let my anger just blow up, but it feels like I’m back to where I started in ST1. So much anger and resentment. Wife went shopping the other day. Bought me a jacket that not only did it not fit me, I also hated the style. I’m not sure if it’s the unnecessary expenses again or if it’s the jacket itself or something else. But I kept it in last night. But I was actually simmering mad throughout the day today.
Just blew my top when my wife accused me of closing the bathroom door while my kid was pooping. He didn’t know how to wipe himself yet, so why the hell would I close it? One thing led to another. Then all hell broke loose.


#200

Shit.

I’d love to say I can’t relate, but I’ve been there too, unfortunately.

There’s a quote from the teacher Ram Dass. He says, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family”. Awesome guy. But yeah, sometimes it takes a lot.

How would you like to have handled this differently? Often there’s a wise part of you that can offer some sort of perspective.

I hate losing my temper and being an asshole. Unfortunately (as I was just thinking tonight), apparently there are other things that I hate even more. :unamused: So it effing happens from time to time.

I believe that over time we can carry things to a new, better place. But my own experiment remains, as of now, still very much in progress. But there have been some positive signs of progress. You probably have a bunch as well.

So, yeah, what would you do differently? Or advise your past self if you had the luxury?


#201

Honestly? Right now probably just keep my effing mouth shut. Even if wife asks what’s wrong, or what my problem is, she never could handle my reasons. And she just shuts things off. Selective hearing is what I call it. Only hearing shit you want to hear.