Digger's Khan Journal


#81

I’m sorry @ABC333. I don’t get it. Even if I were to understand the past, how would I be able to change it? The past is passed.
Now if you mean something like if I understood things better, then would I have acted that way, then honestly I don’t know.


#82

Its good to understand your past and learn from it so you dont make the same mistakes in the future. Life has lessons and if you dont learn from it you will repeat those mistakes in the future.


#83

Well I try to @Grimm1390. Although sometimes, I believe, we, humans, are creatures of habit. Even if we were to try to understand and try to learn from the past, we may repeat the same mistakes simply because it’s been ingrained into our core being. Now I’m not making excuses for my mistakes and try to learn from them. Still, learning, understanding and avoiding repetition are 3 different things, that I do hope with ST2, I learn and do become a much better person from it all.


#84

ST2 DAY2 PART2

As agreed with my boss, I went to the office roughly 65KM from home, to attend our weekly meeting. I was so fucking board the whole time! What was supposed to be a 1 hour meeting took almost 2 hours, focusing on one person’s work! By the time my boss asked us if we wanted to talk about our projects, nobody wanted to say anything simply of the fear that saying anything at all would extend the meeting further. It’s a
Good thing that our office catered food on Mondays so I got to eat before driving back home.
But man! The whole time I was thinking about cutting off things and people that have little to no value for me. And meetings like these feel like it’s absolutely no value for me. I sit in a chair, “listening” to crap that:

  1. I do not care about
  2. Does not concern me
  3. Was already discussed last week
    All makes me want to get up and leave! However, I need this fucking job!
    Makes me want to really get my certification over with and pass the fuck out of it. So that I can either move to a better job and/or company. I do not need this crap!

#85

ST2 DAY3

So wife and I had an argument last night. As usual it all boils down to money. How we spend it on useless junk. She insists she wants our kids to be happy and enjoy being kids, however, I really don’t understand why we need to spend a lot on toys they will soon outgrow. We now have a lot of stuff to “donate” that I don’t know where to begin, as it’s all a bunch of clutter to me. I don’t have time to sort all of them out. And just looking at how much I spent for all of that makes me sad even more.
Lately, I’ve been getting this nagging thought and feeling that I should either stay away from and/or ignore people and stuff that do not add value to my growth and improvement. The question here is that how about my family? A lot of times, I feel that in a way, they either don’t help me grow or are the cause of my financial problems. The thing is, I don’t believe in divorce and I still worry about how my kids will grow up.
Hopefully, after I finish with Khan, I become the person I want to be, and at the same time, the person my family needs me to be.


#86

@d1gz - you could open a Toy Store with all those toys lol. Jokes aside, I wonder if you could resell the old ones at some discounted price. Am sure some people do it.


#87

And the quote about “women. Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them” is an old quote. Have seen it in a couple of books and movies


#88

You asked if you are a good parent.
Well, what should I say? I dont think something like a good parent as we imagine it exists.
You can do all you want, you will still traumatize your kids in some way. And in some way thats good. These will become the obstacles they have to overcome in order to grow.
The only thing you can do is to be an example.
Being relentless when it is time to be and saying sorry when it is time to excuse for something.

Thats how I see it.


#89

No suitable garage for a garage sale. Nearest store that buys 2nd hand toys is about 2 hours away. And I’m not sure if that would even pay for the gas and my time away from work.


#90

Thank you @ExploringAstronaut. That means a lot. So I guess there’s hope for me after all.


#91

@d1gz - sorry to hear that. But am sure you will figure something out. Stay the course, my friend.


#92

My father said those exact words to me a long time ago.
And I used to pander to my woman’s wants because she has that thing between her legs that held me ransom. But recently I realised how I have sacrificed my own self-worth by not being true to what I feel and want. I allowed myself to be the lesser man, to have weakened my steadfastness, and go along with her decisions in certain matters. And as I realised this, I have found that I’m not needy of sex anymore.


#93

Does she follow Gary Vaynerchuk on social media? He keeps advising parents to keep their children happy.
I also had quite a lot of toys when I was young, most came from my birthday parties. My mom would notice those toys I didn’t play as much and kept them. Then after some weeks she would take them out of storage and I would get excited over them again. That’s how she ‘recycled’ my toys. Maybe you and your wife could do that. If anything, you will save money which could be better used for buying useful books for the kids. All this stuff that people buy on a whim… no wonder most people cannot get ahead in life. I’m glad you’re one of them feeling the pain of wasting money.

I’ve been feeling exactly the same way as you do. I’ve seen some rich people on social media say ‘you got to love them from a distance.’ I guess what this means is we have to spend less time with them to avoid too much negative input from them, and spend more time building our business/wealth/career.

Lets not blame others for the cause of our financial problems. I realise that we as men gave ourselves permission to be weak and act poorly. That’s the root of all our problems.


#94

Same here. It feels that the more I listen to Khan, the more that I’m not thinking about sex.


#95

After some thought, I realize that the cause of my problems is actually me. It was me that spent all that money. It was me who bought all that junk. My wife and kids just pushed me, and I allowed them to do so. This is probably why I feel a lot more resentment. Because it’s easier to blame others than yourself.


#96

ST2 DAY4

Feeling slightly less irritable today compared to yesterday. Could it be that I’m starting to accept the programming?
However, got a minor headache and sore throat. Either it’s because of the weird weather or because my subconscious is still trying to fight the programming? But instead of feeling irritated, it’s manifesting as a physical condition?
Went grocery shopping earlier after dropping off my kids at school. More people were greeting me and/or smiling at me. Though I didn’t feel like socializing or talking due to my sore throat.


#97

ST2 DAY5

Still having a headache but no sore throat. Not sure if it’s really the weather or if it’s my subconscious resisting but manifesting physically.
So my tablet crashed earlier. I called the telecoms company, was put on hold for some time. Had to do a lot of troubleshooting procedures just to verify that the tablet needs to be sent in. Took over an hour on the phone. I know I should be mad, angry, or at least frustrated. But surprisingly, until now, I still feel calm and collected. The fact that knowing that I wouldn’t be able to use my tablet for 10 days (give or take) should have riled me up. Surprised to find out I’m still calm. Especially more surprised that the support I talked to even said I would not get billed for the time I cannot use the tablet. Not much but it’s still a little savings right?


#98

ST2 DAY6

Nothing much to write about today. Feeling lazy and just want to snuggle in bed with a blanket. Maybe because the weather’s starting to get colder.
Noticed that I’ve been procrastinating on and off. Get sudden bursts of inspiration to work on something and then later on just drop it and feel like not in the mood for doing anything at all.
A staffer at my kids’ school approached me earlier asking if I wanted to apply my kids to the school’s free lunch program. Told him our income’s above the limit stated in the program, but he said that the program gives consideration depending on the number of people in the household, expenses, etc. Though, I’m tempted, because I need to save. However, we prepare the kids’ lunches and snacks. And I still feel like it’s cheating and that I’m taking something away from the kids and families who are more needy. Is this the sub telling me that I don’t need help and that I can support my family? Or is it just my pride?


#99

Those are interesting questions @d1gz.

What could you learn from any of the many answer you come up with for those questions, that will give you a better mindset that is healthier and better for wealth and financial success?


#100

@AMASH - Given that ST2 is called Total Reprogramming, I would like to assume that it’s the sub telling me to start standing on my own 2 feet. Looking back, I have fell into the habit of relying on other people. Whether intentional or not, I have depended on others for help. And I guess, this has to stop.