Digger's Khan Journal


#141

@d1gz - all the best. Am excited to hear your ST3 journey too. I have just begun my ST2. Thankfully, it is smooth.


#142

Thanks @raphael. And good luck with ST2 also. Hopefully, we soon become the people we hope to be, want to be and meant to be.


#143

ST3 DAY2

Really been awfully busy with both work and family. Nothing much to report. Except:

  1. I haven’t been working out because I don’t have the time nor energy to. However, it seems that I’m actually losing weight. Normally, as soon as I stop working out, I start gaining weight.
  2. I find myself checking my posture. Lately, the weather’s been cold in the mornings. So cold, in fact, that while waiting with my kids at the school’s assembly area, I tend to hunch and just try to hide in my jacket. However, I keep forcing myself to straighten my back and pull my shoulders.

#144

ST3 DAY5

Really hate my job. Borderline argued with my boss yesterday. I feel like I had to assert myself more. The thing is, I don’t feel like appreciated at work, and that all my suggestions are not taken seriously. And then when marketing or other bosses start suggesting the same thing months later, my boss suddenly starts asking me for my opinion.
Felt like crap today. Aside from work, I got another rejection letter to another company I applied to. Makes me feel like I really need to start working on those certifications I’ve been planning to take.
I do seem to have better rapport with other people though. And better service too.


#145

ST3 DAY6

Feeling rather tired and depressed today. Was looking over our expenses and saw that we’re spending a lot of money. Not sure where it’s going really. But seems like I can’t save with all these expenses.
Taking my family out later. Good thing we have annual passes to the amusement park. But food there is really expensive!
Have this urge to really study for my certifications. Will probably spend an hour or 2 tonight.
I’ll try to update this journal tonight if I can.


#146

ST3 DAY6 part 2

So as promised, this is the 2nd part for the day. Brought my family to the amusement park. Though I could say I was not particularly amused. There were only 3 things on my mind most of the time:

  1. I really really want to just throw a resignation letter at my boss and his boss too. I’m almost fed up. My 2nd level manager is sending emails on frigging weekends! I’m like, dude, don’t you have a life? The guy sends emails at midnight. And now, even weekends?
  2. My long-delayed exams. I have been thinking of studying, but never really doing anything with the course materials.
  3. All our expenses.

Somehow I feel like the description page for Khan is spot on for ST3. It’s literally forcing me to take action. It’s like a nagging wife that wouldn’t stop until you do as she commands.
The problem here is that:

  1. I don’t have anywhere to go. As mentioned in previous entries, the only response from employers who received my application was a rejection letter. Often times, I don’t even get one at all.
  2. Time and energy. All the time I’ve spent working is not only draining me, but also the negativity I feel from my coworkers who are also being poisoned at work. I’m like, I can’t even concentrate on a single paragraph of the course work.

I do hope that I start figuring out paths around these roadblocks (whether imagined or real).


#147

ST3 DAY7

Felt very tired throughout the day today. From the moment I woke up, I just wanted to close my eyes and roll back to bed.
Went to the office because of a weekly meeting. I don’t know whether or not to laugh, cry or get med. Due to an urgent issue people had to attend to, my boss decided to cancel the meeting at the last minute (I was already in the office by then).
Still got around to talking to my boss. Felt more like an alpha. Felt like he was actually listening to me and considering my ideas. This was an improvement compared to before. Not sure if it’s the proximity and due to my aura and such. But, he was actually receptive. When I’m working from home, it feels like he’s more aloof.
Been working out again. Though, I feel like I get tired easily. Probably because of the “break” I took from not working out.


#148

ST3 DAY10

1/3 down! So what can I say so far?

  1. Even if I don’t exercise that often, my weight basically just fluctuates plus minus 2lbs. Before, it would greatly shoot up!
  2. Posture’s been much better. Feel like constantly walking with my head held high, back straight and chest out. No more slouching.
  3. More confidence.
  4. Feeling more assertive and able to call on other’s BS.

Been running 2 loops of BL in the mornings. Feel like I’m starting to recall better. My concentration is getting better also.
So I finally bought an exam voucher for one of the many certifications I was planning on taking. No more procrastinating. No more excuses! Will be taking that exam in less than 3 weeks! This really is Total Action!


#149

@d1gz - awesome!


#150

@d1gz I got off work today (I work at home)…went out in the hallway from my home office only to see the wife is about halfway done rearranging our bedroom as a “surprise”…basically she tries doing it without me knowing as she knows i’ll complain.

I saw that and my first thought was “I feel ya, Digger. I feel ya” :smiley:


#151

Any plans adding QL since you are so pleased with BL?


#152

Lol @realbillperry! The thing is, even if the wife “surprises” me, I still find things to complain about. I mean, I’m a creature of habit. I like things the way they were/are. And I hate it when a table/chair/futoon that used to be somewhere else ends up banging my leg when I need to pee in the middle of the night.


#153

@rising - Originally, I was planning on jumping to EOG, once I’m done with Khan, so that my wife can also listen without having to turn alpha on me at the same time shifting our mindsets from a spender mindset to more of a saver or money-making one. However, given that my line of work needs me to continuously learn and get certified, it makes me think about using QL too. The issues here are that:

  1. QL and EOG are both staged subs. With both ST1’s are more on breakdown/repairing/rebalancing, but in different ways. I’m not sure if my wife can handle running both at the same time.
  2. Given that I’m taking an exam by the end of November, I’m not sure if starting QL now while also running Khan would help or not.

Because of these, I was thinking of running QL next year with Mogul. That way, my wife and I can still shift our mindsets while also starting to have better learning capabilities.


#154

ST3 DAY11

Nothing much to report. Had a fight with my wife. And instead of asking for mercy or giving her what she wants, I started calling on her BS. If she wants to play hardball, I’ll play.
Seems to be getting better absorbing details with the addition of BL. Good question from @rising, but I’m not sure if QL will do more good right now.
Feel like @AMASH’s suggestion to add BL in ST3 really helps. Feel like I’m at least 70% ready for that exam.


#155

I’m the same. Leave shit alone and I’m fine.


#156

you remind me this


#157

ST3 DAY13

So my wife’s the one who gave in. Held strong while we were arguing. Kept my ground but also tried to be level headed.
Was also finally able to convince my wife to join a membership warehouse store to get discounts for wholesale items like soaps and shampoos. Ended up buying a ton of stuff. Not sure if we really saved any as we also spent a lot. Will be waiting to see how often we need to buy stuff again and how much our total expenses would be.
Add to the fact that I’ve got in-laws “visiting” till January, we got a lot of mouths to feed. It’s just a big :woman_facepalming: facepalm when I see the bill.
Hopefully, it gets better and I start manifesting more money and opportunities soon.


#158

Reminds me of author Charles Sledge: Women Want A Man To Put Her In Her Place

Nice to see, although not nice to see you spending even more money than before :grin:


#159

Hey Dig,

Just read your whole journal. Thanks so much for your openness, man. It feels like a privilege to get to share in your experiences.

I feel an upwelling of compassion as I read through your journal, because your level of caring and conviction really come through. About yourself, your family, your dreams. It’s a lot. And you are attacking it.

I teach in my work, and one of the things I say to my students is ‘There are 100 problems in the world. Guess which one is the easiest to solve?’ After we stare at each other blankly for a while, or they throw out a couple of suggestions, I say, ‘The answer is: someone else’s problem’. :wink:

This life can be a ‘long march’ at times. It comes at you sometimes. It’s important to cultivate compassion for yourself. That’s also the root of compassion for others. Cliche, but also true.

Rooting for you, brother. I can sense your hard work-inner work; and I’ve a feeling you’ll see the fruits of your labor.


#160

A lot of people have negative attachment to spending money, even when it’s a necessity (like it seems to be for you right now with your in-laws staying with you). Thoughts and feelings around money have to flow as freely as you want the money to. Money is a physical representation of energy and the more negative energy you place on it the more you’ll block it