Digging myself out of a hole - A Q Journey


#241

Depends on which side your leaning towards, kisten to your gut but take a rest day or so, you dont want to stonewall


#242

That’s just it. I don’t know which side to choose really. They’re both plausible reasons. And yet there’s another part of me that thinks that maybe there’s other reasons not related to subliminal usage. As for rest days, I try to take rest days over weekends. Though maybe I’ll try to take a week off during Thanksgiving.


#243

DAY77(final update)

Just wanted to add the following:

  1. Had a strong urge to work out after about a week of not doing so. So I started playing Beast Unleashed Ultima. As I was moving some furniture in our room to make way for my work out, my wife came in and started swaying and teasing me. We ended up making love for about 30 minutes. Shortly thereafter, I proceeded with my “actual” workout. Note that I did not listen to LibertineU prior.
  2. While working out, I began imagining myself being able to work out more, not just push-ups and pull-ups but handstand push-ups (I can’t even do a handstand), and other more complex exercises. In addition, I started imagining what it would be like to have a six-pack and well proportioned body.
  3. After about an hour of exercising, I started listening to Beast Within Ultima. And then read about 2 pages of the programming text book I got a while back. All of a sudden, I began to understand what those 2 pages mean! I then started reading back to the previous pages and I suddenly got to understand those concepts better.
  4. Given this, maybe the headaches are more of a block or reconciliation? And maybe I just need to push through a little more in order to break through?

#244

Am thinking rest day during you normal week so if your running subliminals during Monday to Friday try taking Wednesday off


#245

I just might do that. However, given that today’s already a Thursday, I’m going to take next Wednesday off. Thanks!


#246

DAY78(early update)

Started my day with my morning mediation and then played SanguineU. I still feel that I need some more positivity today, and hopefully SanguineU will help with that.

Feeling dreadfully sleepy this morning. Not sure why, since I was able to get about 5 hours sleep (which I normally do on weekdays). But my eyes feel like they haven’t been closed in a while.


#247

DAY78(update)

Been yawning the whole day. Yesterday, I was feeling like I could better comprehend those programming concepts. However, today, when I tried some problems, my brain just went blank. Not sure why. Hoping it’s just because I’m sleepy. I’m hoping it’s not because I lost the drive or something like that.

Even if the kids weren’t on their best behavior today, I was still able to keep my temper in check. Been pretty calm mostly today. Even during the meeting where I could see a lot of BS flying about, I just kept my cool. Felt rather nonchalant really. As if nothing is really bothering me. So here’s hoping it continues.


#248

DAY78(final update)

Not sure if it’s really a realization, or anything worth while. But could it be that one reason why I’m going blank staring at the questions is because of some self-imposed limit? Just a few minutes ago, I was staring at one problem and a single thought popped up. “I can’t do this”.

I mean, I was just staring at the question. I was not even trying to really understand. And then I recall hearing a slight whisper. “I can’t do this”.

Could it be that no matter how I try to improve both my mental capacity and my mental processing, if there’s this nagging thought inside of me, I really wouldn’t improve at all? Maybe I should switch to regen+rebirthu+LDU then?


#249

DAY79(early update)

Slept earlier than usual last night. But I still woke up very tired, and with a headache. Right now, my headache’s throbbing really bad. I do hope it subsides this afternoon, as I have an interview later, and it’s take out night at home. So I need to be able to get out tonight to buy dinner.


#250

DAY80(early update)

Wasn’t able to update last night because of headaches. Yesterday, I played 2 loops of SanguineU, back to back, while also playing headache relief binaural beats from the brainwave app on my phone. Fell asleep while doing so. But it helped. I was able to go to that interview and also do the minimum work needed for the day. But by night, the headache came back.

Woke up early for a weekend as we needed to go grocery shopping. By we, I mean my wife goes inside the store while me and the kids stay in the car watching a dvd. So for this, I decided to play SanguineU even if today’s supposed to be a rest day for me. Hopefully, I don’t get mad and no headache for today.


#251

DAY80(update)

Aside from 1 loop of SanguineU this morning, I did not play any sub today. Got to spend quality time with my family today. Can’t say I was productive, since I really just wanted to rest the whole day. Somehow, my wife dragged me to play with the kids. And to be honest, I’m glad she did.

Although, there’s 1 kid who was not behaving the whole day. By night time, everybody got fed up of his antics. Took a lot of self control (and also my wife) to keep me from blowing up again.

Right now, I’m just planning on taking a break and drink some (been a while really) and just chill with some Netflix.


#252

DAY81

Before I start, I just wanted to quote Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (cheesy I know, but it’s my journal)

Is it possible that the square root of impossible is me?

I watched this movie last night while chilling with a drink in hand. Not sure why it resonated so much in me. I guess, the whole movie itself was about believing in yourself, something that I have been lacking of lately.

So yeah. As today was my rest day, I refrained from playing any subs today. Can’t really say much, as I slept in and woke up around noon. After brunch, I went to the fastfood joint my family likes so much to order take out. Drove almost an hour to get there and when I got there, the parking lot was full!

When I got home, it was time for dinner. Nothing much really happened.


#253

DAY82(early update)

So I woke up early because it’s another school day. Had to make sure I’m wide awake to prepare my kids. The thing is, the cold weather seems to be getting to me, as my back hurt when I woke up. This normally happens to me when it gets cold, and my muscles stiffen up.

So I grudgingly went about and did my morning routine, toilet, brush teeth, etc. And then went downstairs to do my morning meditation. By the time I was done, I barely had enough time to drink some coffee before I woke the kids up.

While waking up, brushing and getting my kids dressed, I listened to SanguineU. I feel that I need more positivity today. Am currently listening to my wealth custom, and will proceed with my health custom later.

Still, that quote from the Netflix movie Jingle Jangle keeps echoing in my head. All of a sudden, I recalled another quote, this time from Lego Movie:

I know it sounds like it’s a cat poster. All you have to do is believe.


#254

DAY82(update)

Productivity today was virtually non-existent. Home-related, did the expected household chores and played around with the kids. Work-related, bleh. Even if I wanted to, my mind was elsewhere.

So one of the companies I was interviewing for emailed me this morning. Turns out they want me to take a practical test before I go through the next round of interviews with them. This is good, yet this week is pretty hectic for me as I have meetings at work, another interview with another company, and also parent-teacher conferences with my kids’ teachers. Not sure when I can submit it. Hopefully they will be understanding enough to grant me an extension.

After over 2 months on my 2 customs, I think I’ll try an experiment starting tomorrow. From tomorrow until Friday, I’ll play just the following:

  • SanguineU
  • BLU
  • LDU

Probably just play about 2-3 loops each and treat them as normal stacks. Reason are as follows:

  1. I need a lot of positivity, hence SanguineU. Even when I feel I should be getting mad, when I’m listening to SanguineU, I actually feel calmer.
  2. I need my mind to be running at top condition. I have a big interview on Wednesday, a take-home exam for another company I’m applying for, and also work projects to think about. All these need me running at my best performance.
  3. Also, I do not need to just quit on seeing difficult problems. I have noticed this with my previous interviews and exams. Upon seeing difficulty, I feel that a part of me quits without even trying. Even if my brain is capable to go beyond it’s previous best performance, if it quits on seeing difficulty, then capability is useless without even trying.

Digger's Ultima Experiment
#255

Putting this journal on hold for now. Depending on the situation, I may come back to this stack or may try out Dragon Reborn, or will continue with my Ultima Experiment.


#256

Will follow that journal, good luck and hope you get you goal accomplished