Digging myself out of a hole - A Q Journey


#21

DAY10

Went to bed around midnight last night and slept for about 8 hours. Although that was the longest sleep I had in days, I feel that it wasn’t enough.

Woke up to a light headache and feared it might get worse. Played SanguineU and then took an Advil. We needed groceries so I packed the kids in the car and we drove to the store. I stayed with the kids in the car while the wife went inside. It was a good decision, I think, to play SanguineU as the kids were getting antsy and rowdy.

It’s getting hotter again here, and I thought my minor headache could get worse. I don’t really do well in extreme heat. Played 1 loop of my health custom and took an advil again. Not sure if it was the advil or Asclepius in my custom, but I feel a little better now.


#22

DAY11

Feel like crap and tired. Only got a few hours of sleep and the heat isn’t helping.

I really don’t know why I push myself like this. Knowing I will fail, I still try. Am I just stubborn?


#23

DAY12

Slept a little before midnight last night. Slept for about 11 hours. Still feeling a bit sluggish and tired, but my brain is like in overdrive. Still thinking of why I couldn’t solve my exam problems. Like what went wrong? What did I miss? How can I improve it? Feel like I’m just gonna beat myself with all these questions.

And yet, a part of me is also thinking ahead. I’ve got a lot of things I can do. A lot of things I can study for. I already have subscribed to more programs that maybe I can tackle them first before going back.

I also have a lot of ideas for my blog. Google Adsense is already checking on it and hopefully it gets approved. Even a few cents is better than none.

And yet, a part of me just wants to lie down and cry and think I’m such a f’king failure. Why is it that many have passed it and I couldn’t after so many times?

I think I need to start playing SanguineU now.


#24

Just wanted to remind myself:

The results of a test is not the true measure of your worth.


#25

DAY12(update)

Not really sure how I feel. Want to be productive. Want to get back to learning. Want to do a lot of things. And yet…

All I’m doing right now is watching “The Boys season2”. Only want to unwind…


#26

@d1gz - i feel for you, man. Hard work at your work and a not-so-easy family life. I guess we all have our challenges. In the day-to-day aspect, it doesn’t feel like we have improved much. I was feeling that during my weightloss and health journey. But 8 months later, I feel much better. And since you are taking action, am sure it will improve. Here’s to conquering your obstacles :+1:

PS: how’s the season 2? Loved the first season and wondering whether the second one is worth it.


#27

@raphael yes. Here’s to conquering our obstacles. Season2 looks like there’s a lot more talking than action. Although I’m only on EP3.


#28

DAY13

Ran SanguineU 1st thing in the morning. And then ran 4 loops of my health custom throughout the day.

Got rather pissed at my boss today. A few years ago, we set up an email server to accept only emails sent to a certain email account and process said emails. I had our IT forward the emails and once I verified everything is working, told my boss about it and asked whether or not I should continue working on it. He told me no as he was going to pass the project on to a coworker of mine.

3 years later, I got a message from him that I should check with IT and have the email account and server up and running ASAP. For one thing, I didn’t know what happened with the machine. Second, after pushing me away from the project, I suddenly got pulled back in. I’m like, “I thought you were gonna pass the project on to my teammate?” When I asked my colleagues, they knew shit about it and didn’t know what to make of it.

It’s really shitty situations like these that really gets under my skin.


#29

DAY15

Yesterday was rather busy. I had a lot of errands to do. When I finally got done with all of them, I just wanted to rest.

Today was rather meh. Even if I wanted to do my projects, I was just too pissed off at my boss to do anything really. Imagine, working on something 3 years ago then have it shelved. All of a sudden, he’d call me asking for it, when IT already disabled the accounts necessary for that. Prior to that, I asked him if he wanted me to continue on it, but he said he’d pass it over to another teammate. All of the projects I wanted to touch he’d pass it over to another.
When a former teammate of ours resigned, I asked my boss if I could continue that person’s project. Boss said, no. Now, after 2 years, he had to hire someone just to work on it because it’s become a necessity.
Now that IT has enabled the account, I asked my boss if I need to do anything. He said, “Let’s talk about it in the meeting next week. But for now, let … handle it manually.”
It’s really things like these that get me riled up. It’s like I have some foresight of things to come, what may be needed, and what should be done. But nobody listens. Just like the project I was working on in the past. Now, even the execs want to pay top dollar for another company’s data, when if they only listened to me 2 years ago, we would have something similar already.


#30

Just when I was feeling shitty and thinking why I’m like this, but everyone I know has accomplished more, or is doing better, or is something else, I saw this on my social media feed from someone I’ve been following:

Stop comparing yourself to others and just focus on yourself. So what if someone runs a mile in 5 minutes and it takes you 15? You both ran the same mile. You’ll cross your finish line when you get there.

Run your own race. Not someone else’s.

Agree? Disagree?


#31

DAY15 (update)

On a side note, I was able to write 1 article for my blog yesterday and another one today. Still waiting for Adsense to approve my application though. I know that it’s just a few cents each week (given that my blog is a bit more specialized and only caters to a niche market), but then any amount helps over time.

Given that I’ve only started my blog early June, 1900+ views since isn’t bad at all for just 19 posts total.


#32

In a way right. You compete with yourself when you train. Then naturally compete with others for status in your respective competencies. It’s pretty natural to want to be the winner.


#33

Completely agree.

Figure out what is important to you. Do not be distracted by other narratives.

If what’s important to you is shared by others, then great, join the competition.

Winning the wrong contest is a different form of losing.


#34

DAY16

Been very lazy today. Not sure if it’s because I’m still down with the exam and work. Or reconciliation…

Been forcing myself to work on shit today but not really sure what more I can do.

Instead of picking myself back up, right now I’m just watching the 4th episode of The Boys season2.


#35

DAY17

Slept in late as it’s a Saturday. Played SanguineU as soon as I woke up. I find that it really does help me keep my cool through most days. With kids and all that, just keeping your cool is a task by itself.

Listened to 3 loops of my health custom with plenty of breaks in between.

Not really sure but all I wanted to do today was sleep and rest. Played with my kids when asked, but didn’t really initiate anything with my family. Either it’s reconciliation or I’m just in a slump. Either way, I know feeling lazy isn’t going to help me in the long run. But then again, constantly pushing myself ain’t going to help either.


#36

Have you received your Stark, Ascended Mogul and Gold Custom yet?


#37

Yes. Been listening to it for some time now.


#38

How would you compare it to Stark solo, or is it to early to tell?


#39

@Hermit Although it’s still a bit early to say, I think my custom is closer to Emperor rather than Stark. When I was running Stark, although I was productive, I was also rarely arguing with my boss. Now, I’m more assertive and willing to call on BS at work. And yet, I think there’s also more reconciliation as I used to avoid any arguments and drama that used to go with them.

Also, I think some of the reconciliation may be due to EOG ST4, dominion, leader of men, sultan and wealth limit destroyer.


#40

DAY18

Played 2 loops of SanguineU today. Felt I needed some feel good vibes as I’m still in the dumps.

Wife has been bothering to go to a plant/flower shop (more like plants, ferns, cacti than flowers) for some time now. Didn’t really want to go since the drive is an hour long and I’d be again stuck with the kids inside the car while she shops. Finally gave in today and brought her there. So I was in the car with a bunch of rambunctious and noisy kids for about 3 hours. Felt like it was a real waste of time since she only ended up buying 2 plants.

Though looking back, it was actually a lot better than I thought since she didn’t go all out and splurge on plants.

So yeah, I’m still down about my exam last week. But then, I checked at my various enrolled courses, and it turns out I have vouchers for 3 different exams. Somehow, I feel that I should just move on and try the other 3 before spending any more time and money on the one that I didn’t pass. I feel that by moving on to the other 3, I can at least improve my resume, learn more skills and then maybe land a much better job. Not sure if it’s the SanguineU or not, but this has been majority of my thoughts today (at least when I was not in the car with the kids).