Digging myself out of a hole - A Q Journey


#61

Noted

(and purchased, actually)


#62

Great! Hope this works for you as much as it does for me.


#63

Thanks a lot.


#64

DAY24

Pretty much a boring day really. Woke up a little early than usual for a weekend. Played SanguineU while drinking my morning coffee. And looking back, I was glad I did.

Had to go grocery shopping today. Since wife normally goes inside the store, me and the kids are left inside the car to wait. Although the kids were noisy and a bit rowdy, I wasn’t really bothered.

Played about 4 loops of my health custom today and will be playing MogulQ later tonight.

Not sure if it’s SanguineU, or effects of one or more modules from my sub(s), but I was pretty calm and collected today. My son who’s on the spectrum had another breakdown today, and he got mad. Normally, when he throws a fit, I get mad. Today, while he was having his breakdown, I was more or less calm, and just let my wife handle it, and just looked after my other kids and everything else that needed to be done. As long as he wasn’t hurting anyone, nor was he breaking anything, I was ok.


#65

DAY25

Not sure why, probably because of what I read here in the forum, or probably because something in me needed it, but I found myself buying RebirthU as soon as I woke up this morning.

Given that it’s supposed to be a rest day, I decided to just try RebirthU. And even if it didn’t have that “feel good” thing like SanguineU, I somehow felt that this is what I needed now.

After some thought, I felt that I’ve been thinking a lot about the past lately. Thinking about all the mistakes I made, a lot of what-if’s, a lot of comparison with other people in my past and how they are doing in the present. And maybe I got fed up with all that thinking. I felt that I needed to be able to let go of the past and finally think of the present for the future.

And though I felt moments of anger today, I didn’t let that anger get carried away. And still felt hope that things would get better. So even if there was no “high” or “feel good” sensation, at least I felt some slight shift in myself. And that, I think, is hope.

So maybe tomorrow, I’ll see what would happen if I listen to RebirthU first thing in the morning.


#66

I’ve held off from purchasing healing ultimas because I haven’t been convinced that the two work together well (since Ultima isn’t about very permanent changes) so far. Curious to see what you find.


#67

I “partially agree” with you on that. Simply because Ultimas, like any other sub, aims to shift your mindset. Of course, this shifting can be temporary, while others aim to be more permanent. However, by constantly shifting your mindset, but always in the same “direction”, then you end up going towards the same end.

And for me, this healing component driven by RebirthU, can be what I really need now to push through with my custom subs. After some thought and introspection, I think what’s been limiting me from my goals has been more of me thinking and looking back at the past. Even if I try to believe and let the subs instill all those thoughts in me, but I keep “reminiscing” about the past, then I would likely fail. However, as an experiment, by “shifting” my mental state to a state of rebirth, I think I may better accept and work on what my customs are pushing me to do.


#68

Have you been more productive with Stark & Ascended Mogul in your Custom compared to Stark ran solitary? Moreover, have you been more disciplined, driven and motivated, with an insane passion and ambition for your personal and business related goals?

Earlier you said that it made your more masculine, where you pursued arguments with your boss more easily. That makes sense, it surely is the Ascended Mogul scripting. What I am wondering however is whether it kept the social charm, playfulness and charisma from Stark?


#69

I really can’t say if I’m more productive with my custom as compared to running StarkQ alone. I’d say just about the same. Although I do feel more motivated to improve myself. This involves some self-improvement projects I have in mind. Right now, I feel that I need to work on improving myself first before branching out on other projects. This is actually why I keep on working on online training and certifications.

I can’t say much about the charisma and social charm of Stark given that, not only because of Covid, but because I’ve been working from home prior to the pandemic. Although I must say, I am more playful towards my family, and am also more “chatty” with some coworkers of mine through Skype. In addition, I don’t feel socially awkward when I’m out buying stuff for home, I feel it’s easier for me to talk to cashiers and others at the store.


#70

DAY26

Started my day with 1 loop of RebirthU. Felt calm and collected while listening. Though not as calm and soothed as when I normally listen to SanguineU.

I then ran 2 loops of my wealth custom. Can’t say I felt anything different. Though maybe because I was a bit worried as I had an appointment with the periodontist at noon.

When I arrived for my appointment, the hygienist was rather chatty. Even told me about her son’s accident while playing mini-golf. So it turns out there was no improvement in my gums. Though there was also no deterioration. So I take that as a win. I’m just thinking that maybe if it wasn’t because my dentist had to cancel my appointment around June due to Covid lockdown (am scheduled to have deep cleaning every 3 months to prevent further recession of my gumline), maybe it would have been better.

After getting home, I ran another loop of RebirthU. Actually fell asleep while listening to it. Though I must say, I was a bit irritated when my wife asked me to help her with my kid’s homework. I mean I was trying to explain to her the answer but she wasn’t listening, or she didn’t want to understand my explanation as she kept asking me stuff while I was trying to explain. And she was the one who got mad because I was starting to raise my voice.

Then played another 2 loops of my wealth custom prior to my meeting. What was supposed to be 2 hour one, ended up a short and quick 30 minute meeting. It really took me by surprise, but then at least I didn’t felt bored and was actually able to do something else.

With regards to my wife, I noticed that since I started playing RebirthU last Saturday, she’s starting to give me more of her “BS tests”. She’s been getting angry for no reason, or maybe even looking for reasons to get mad. I don’t get it really. And though I feel some anger welling up, it also dissipates quickly. Could it be because my wanting to shift my reality is also affecting her? But in a different way?


#71

I also noticed this lately…i have no idea why this is happening…


#72

Normally, I just think that maybe her monthly thing is drawing near. But lately, I feel that whenever I want or try to change things up, or do some inner work, she throws this type of BS at me. So either it’s really a coincidence or she may be feeling the shift and is openly resisting it.

I mean, one of my goals is to control my temper. And here she goes, every time I consciously try to keep my temper under wraps, she starts to do things that really irritates me. Small things at first, and then it gets bigger and bigger, like she really wants me to blow a gasket.


#73

Exact same at my place buddy…i think we have the same wife lol…
Im healing also …maybe they feel that they will lose us now…possible
Or maybe the state shifting is causing us to see the other side of the coin…


#74

I think that a lot of people are truly and deeply afraid of change. And by healing, inner work, improving oneself, etc, the people around us can see and feel the changes. And being complacent beings, it scares them. Not necessarily the fear of losing us, but more in the line of changing what they are used to, fear of upending the status quo, fear of a lot of things.

Somehow, I feel that changing yourself causes a ripple effect. This ripple cause changes around you. And it also affects those around you. And for some, they don’t like the changes they see, or the feelings/effects caused by the ripple emanating from you. And for some, it triggers a deep fear they have. And that fear is fear of change.


#75

I’ve gotten similar things from my wife whenever I’ve been doing any kind of personal development and it starts working. It seems to me that she has a kind of panic reaction when my self esteem/value/confidence start to rise. I don’t know if she’s afraid I’m going to outgrow her or she’s afraid of losing the power in the relationship.


#76

As long as I can remember, your subliminal journey has always been intertwined with your family members and particularly your wife. It’s probably irritating to you at times, but looking from the outside, I find it admirable. It seems that you’re ‘carrying’ your family with you into a better place. Organic leadership quality. They also seem in some strange way to be helping you. (It’s an intuitive theory. I can’t prove it.)


#77

Easy way to find that out would be to look at his natal chart (astrology) and check for signs in the 4th house. I bet on it. Nice observation @Malkuth


#78

Somehow I feel that way. Which, at times, can be very tiring. As for them helping me, I’m not sure what you mean by that. Care to explain?


#79

I don’t really understand much about astrology, but looking at a free online chart, it shows that Pisces in on the House IV. According to the site:

He is very susceptible to the moods of those around him. May feel misunderstood in youth, which can mark him for life. When a child, needs more than most to be protected, given confidence.

Not sure how to make of this, as a lot of teenagers often feel “misunderstood” etc.


#80

Pisces in which planet?