Ecstasy of Gold Journal: Kether to Malkuth


The way I see it, “Different Subs support (allow for) Different Goals.”

If a goal is not supported by a sub, I will change the sub, or at least, stack one that does.

My loyalty is to my goals, not to my playlist. :sunglasses:

Hey, that’s not a floating head. It’s a Simon Cowell Mask (no eyes). :smile:
It was chosen to signify that I only use Masked subs.

Around the New Years, I had considered changing the avatar pic to Simon Templar’s.
But then, I was like “There are already 4 IronMans and 2 Malkuths, let’s not have a 2nd Saint.” :blush:


Emperor is also about wielding power and inhabiting dominance.

Discovering and developing your own blueprint for doing so.


Somehow this does not sit right with me. Having my eye on the big picture and the long game does not equate with being okay with little results after 1 year, thank you very much.

At the same time, I do struggle with inertia and I desire to commit myself to steady, consistent and gradually increasing action. I am not there yet.

But I strive not to over-react to every peak and valley that I encounter along my journey.

I want to be solid.

And to arrive on time.

Not early. Not late.

For those who can see it, Thought is Action. Of course you have to approach it in the right way, but that’s also true for what you’re calling action.

Hell, for those who can see it, sperm is life. But as the comedian said, that doesn’t mean that just because you spend years jerking off in the shower, then one day a baby’s going to crawl up out of the drain.

In order to bear fruit, the thought-seeds have to be directed in the right way and in the right context. But I think there is ample evidence that they can and do inspire, and mature into, stronger and more dense forms of action.


@Simon your words were a wake-up call to me. Like a well timed slap to the face by a kung fu brother. I’ll fight back, but there was truth in there as well. I hope I can use this lesson to become more effective in how I move.


These :point_down:t2: gray lines that I use in my posts to represent separate thoughts, disappear when quoted.

The Ox Frame was meant in the context of the next 2 paragraphs.

I was saying that YOU do meditate, journal, reflect, and have the ability to distinguish between density & inertia. :+1:t2:

But, because we cannot expect this from most people, allowing them to think that “the sub is gradually building up even without taking actions” is essentially giving them a permission slip to do nothing. :blush:

I respect your tenacity & patience, because once you make the commitment to business actions, the same will be your superpowers. :sunny:


So, what would be the Ox equivalent of a “Bull Ready to Charge”? :wink:


Yes, I noticed and appreciated that, but the other point still applies to me a little too much. That’s probably the exact reason that I’ve tried to reflect on action so much. It’s how I work through an issue.

This morning I found a new ‘koan’, an orienting question:

‘What is the problem with doing it right now?’

As in:

I want to generate great wealth.
What is the problem with doing it right now?

And so on.

Thanks once again. You’re a catalyst.


Hey, @Malkuth. If I remember right, you use wireless headphones to listen to the masked subs. Is it the Airpods? And doesn’t it last around 4 hours at a time? I guess you use it during the day (if you do use wireless that is)


Hi @raphael.

Yes, you’re right. Once I started listening more at night, I quickly discovered that the airpods wouldn’t last until morning. 4 hours is optimistic. I’d wake up and they’d invariably be out of power. (To be fair, they’re advertised like that. Charge in 15 minutes, use for 3 hours.) At first, I just allowed that because it seemed like a good enforced pause in listening, but afterwards, I bought a kind of sleep headband Bluetooth headphones thing and tried that for a while. Used that for about a month or so, but have abandoned it. (Interestingly, right when I’d decided to stop using the Bluetooth sleep band, someone here threw it into the laundry. :confounded: So, the point became moot.)

Right now, as I type this, I’m using a pair of ‘cans’.

Wired. (Bought them for music composition and production. At $49, they were the lowest-priced and best-reviewed studio quality headphones I could find.) I’m listening through the computer right now. Last night, I actually used the same ones to listen over night. I got a ridiculously long headphone extension so I can keep the phone far away but still plugged in (don’t want to sleep next to it). But if necessary I can also put the phone in Airplane mode to reduce radiation and listen that way with just a pair of normal length wired headphones.

If at work or around other people, I still use the Airpod and often just keep it in one ear. And I’ll use the ultrasonic usually in that situation.

So far, I really like the masked tracks. I tend to find the sound very soothing. I don’t mind it whether asleep or awake.


How are you currently listening?


@Malkuth - That’s interesting. I wonder how you sleep with those cans.

I use a normal wired in-ear headphones. In USD, it will be around 27 bucks. It’s from Sony.

The reason why I am asking is more and more phones are just going wireless. And since I am a Samsung Note fan, the latest ones are getting rid of their headphone jacks. Of course if you are here in India, you can get a Note Lite but am not into those so was wondering about wireless options.

If nothing works, I will just have to keep an old phone (like my current Note 8) as my dedicated player with wired headphones until airpods or galaxy buds can run through the night. Galaxy buds are advertised as running 6 hours but I might need 7 hours and also the buds might not run even the said 6 hours, as you have noted of advertisements and how it is compared to real life.

But the most important reason why I am asking is whether wireless headphones work well with subliminals. In your case, it looks like it does.


Feeling a bit touch and go.

Ive been trying to apply a greater sense of urgency to my life project.

Turning down the part of my mind that predicts; turning up the parts that evaluate and push forward.

This morning I’m feeling a little pushback; a subjective mood of vagueness and a tinge of purposelessness.

I know that everything in nature fluctuates. Ebb and flow. When we make a strong push, we will usually feel a compensatory pushback. The key is to relax with the pushback and use it to setup for the next push; like kicking your legs to play on the swings when you were a child. Sensitivity to the rhythm of change allows you to use both parts of the cycle to gain greater height.

Magick works the same way. The energetic contrast between hope and despair, or of intense focus versus tiredness/depletion, can intensify the power of the working. The key is to hold a steady frame around these feelings.

Kicking your legs on the swing works because although the seat is flexible and changeable, the frame of the swing is stable. Without that solid frame, a swing would just be a seat on the ground, with rope or chain attached to it.

In relation to the ongoing changingness (of mood, of daily personal condition, and of emotions), solid internal values and stable external vision provide that frame and that structure. It enables us to harness both positive and negative movement.

Chinese philosophy and zen teachers talk about 理 and 情. They’re often translated as reason/principle and emotion. Right now I’m thinking of them as a) ontology/cosmology and b) feeling intensity/emotional content.

The frame of the swing and the seat and chains of the swing. We need both to have that sense of movement and that attainment of heights.

Did not originally plan to type this; only the first two paragraphs. The rest just came out.

Anyway I guess what’s happening here is that I’m channeling some advice for myself. Who knows if it will be useful for anyone else, but anyway, at least I’ll try to apply it.

So I guess what this is telling me is that when mood is very high or very low, feel that connection back to your vision, your values, your deepest, most solid bedrock.

And ride it out.


uhh…short version, working to create more immediate plans


Very good thinking @Malkuth. I am always impressed by the wisdom in your posts :slight_smile:

Sometimes, I find that when you turn down a part of your brain and activates another, you’re not running at full capacity. We may think we are doing well, but we can be running all parts, and doing much better.

And if you could harmonize the part of yourself that evaluates and pushes forward, and let it work strategically with the part that predicts, so that your results are even better, and your action is even smoother and well planned – how would that look like in your life?


I agree with that. I often make the same point.

Action-taking is a beguiling prospect for me. There are a bunch of processes and issues going on around taking action that I’m trying to harmonize and to get a handle on. It feels difficult to take focused action. It’s not always the right time to kick things up to another level of action. But I’m also trying to make sure that I am not waiting too long.

People like me have a tendency to over-prepare and under-risk. There’s fear, there’s a sense of ignorance or incompetence, there’s a wealth of ideas sometimes, and others a sense of not having any truly solid, workable ideas. And that’s just part of it.


Yes. That’s very true.

And in what ways could this actually be a strength of yours?
In what ways could this make you the missing piece of the puzzle that makes the whole universe a better place?

Because I find that loving what is, is the right solid first step to transformation. But resisting what is simply ensures it perpetuates.

And with words such as “difficult” “not…right,” “people like me,” “fear,” “ignorance,” “incompetence” etc. I did not feel the love for what is.

I hope this helps. You are awesome man :slight_smile:


Very interesting. Useful.

I’m walking with it.

Thank you.


Loving What Is as PART OF action and success.


That works


Applied contemplation of the nature of psyche, and of the implications of that nature.

If not the whole of my vocation, this is at least an important branch of it.

I remember that in my youth, I experienced an insight. My intuition is that it resulted directly from meditation. It’s so important to me, but it’s not so verbal. But I’m still going to try to narrate it.

It didn’t come all at once. For sure it didn’t, since I’m still not done exploring it even decades later. So it still hasn’t finished emerging yet.

It’s easier to describe it by describing what it’s not:

Our mind has something that could be called a normalizing function. It’s not a matter of choice. It’s a biological aspect of the mind, as far as I observe. Our minds, to preserve a sense of stability and coherence, project an artificial sense of normalcy and normality onto our experiences.

It is SANE to exercise this normalizing function. It is also fundamentally irrational (in the sense of being utterly contrived).

Altered states reveal the normalizing function by disrupting it. Sometimes meditation brings about these kinds of states.

When I was younger, I was thinking about the fantasy that humans have long had about being able to fly bodily through the sky. One day, it struck me that if this power were to manifest on a mass level, it would not take very long before people were complaining about it or about conditions related to it.

We would say, ‘Oh, damn it. It’s 12:45 pm, I have to fly back to a work meeting.’. Some of us would be distracted and depressed as we flew on our various errands.

Around the same time, it struck me that we all literally have super-powers that we normalize. I looked at a recently healed cut on my hand, and it struck me that I literally had the power to knit my physical form back together if it was damaged. Someone or something rips or slices it apart, and it just knits back together. All physical movement was telekinesis. Moving your physical body with the power of mental intention. I noticed that the whole thing was basically nuts.

Later, also during a phase of comparatively intense (for me) meditation, I had the experience of waking up and looking out the window of my room and seeing the moon. A white orb of stone just floating. It hit me that ‘this is very strange’. And there was a feeling of awe.

Again, I’m using words to describe physical sensations. It doesn’t really work. But if you’re reading this, you’re imagining whatever these words might evoke in you. Hope it’s nice. I can’t describe the precise cocktail of impressions, sensations, cognitions, and perceptions that were in me at that moment. So, I use these terms.

Gradually, at some point, these sensations and experiences gelled into the realization that there was in fact nothing normal in the Cosmos. Normalcy was a condition that my bodymind had been imposing onto my flow of perceptions in order to establish a sense of stability, coherence, and mastery. Not mastery in the sense of ‘consummate control over all I survey’, but mastery in the sense of ‘my world basically holds together whether I’m particularly impressive or not’. We don’t realize or acknowledge how masterful that is, but it is.

Nothing is normal. Everything is miraculous.

Any perception of sufficient magnitude overwhelms our normalizing function and we experience awe until our poor bodymind can assert normality again.

Recognizing the inherent miraculousness and mysteriousness of existence is not an accomplishment. It’s nothing to brag about. It in itself is also the most normal thing in the world. If mystery and miracle is everywhere, what’s impressive about finally noticing it?

I also realized that so-called enlightenment was also nothing to feel superior about. It’s basically just realizing in a deeply experiential way that everything is miraculous. I have not done that, but I’ve caught a whiff, and that’s been enough to occupy me for a good, long time. Anyway, enlightenment, or a big part of enlightenment, is the apprehension/realization of the intrinsic miraculousness of everything.

So guess what that means? 5 minutes before you were enlightened, how intrinsically miraculous were you? Completely. 5 minutes after? Still completely. All that’s changed is you now see how miraculous you and everything else are. See? Nothing to brag about.

It would be like me bragging to you and saying ‘Hey, look at me? I can see that you’re a miraculous genius, but you can’t see it. I’m so amazing!’ Who cares? You’re still a genius. You’re equally amazing.

The Buddha was basically like a kindergartener who learned how to write his name in print. To the rest of us younger children, this seemed like great magic. Enlightenment seems like magic to those who are trying to get it. (Buddhist scholars would correct my terminology here. It’s more accurate to call it ‘awakening’.)


The practical upshot of all of this was that my sense of importance got simultaneously seriously downgraded and seriously upgraded. I am of Cosmos. Unequivocally so. That’s the meaning of Cosmos, it’s All-That-Is.

At the same time, my customary, constituent processes, narratives, agendas, and views, are tiny. And laughably contingent. I don’t care. They’re mine and I love ‘em. I don’t need the fate of the Universe to be at stake to feel passionately about my passions. I’ll live and die for them, and they’ll blow away. That’s okay.


So, engaged contemplation/禪/Chan/Zen feels like my vocation. And it has for a while now. I call it Experiential Ontology. Exploring the unfolding context and phenomenon of the feeling of existence.

It’s okay. It’s good.

This is my spirituality. It can contain narratives, but is neither born of nor bound to them.

It seems to be ‘in pursuit of’ nothing in particular.

It’s okay.


This post comes partially because I’m experimenting in writing directly in a way that feels Real and Natural to me. ‘What if I could just write directly as myself?’


Fuck You.

I want to be kind



Not a lot to say right now.

Working to clarify actions and goals.

Two Statements:

  1. What is the problem with doing it right now?


  1. Loving what is as part of action and success.

Taking Action to Build What I Want

Balance taking care of the responsibilities of my current job; with building the opportunities that will transition me to a new work situation.

I do have a couple of ideas, so let me try those now.