Saturday. Accomplishing nothing. Ambivalent about running errands due to social distancing.
Still rolling with Emperor Q and Aegis since the day of its release. There is a solidity to these. I feel good running them. Conversely I seem to see still have a sense of despair about the future. I keep fucking up in so many ways, but there is far less anxiety about it than I am used to.
I am ok with the thought of never accomplishing anything great. I am ok with the thought of dying.
There is a simple okayness with the worst that could happen.
Yesterday would have been a competitor for least productive day of my life.
Let’s see if I can do better today.
There has been no “shelter in place” order for my state, but I Imagine it will come soon as we are seeing the numbers of cases and deaths start to ramp up pretty quickly. The state has a Republican gov who is pandering to the Trump supporters and Fox watchers who are convinced the pandemic is overblown or a conspiracy theory. I need to do some laundry at a laundromat due to recent washing machine issues, but who cares if you aren’t around people anyway and are spending most of your time in boxer shorts and a t-shirt anyway?
I need food, but the small grocery store chain I usually go to is owned by fundamentalist Christians who close the stores on Sunday. I could drive a bit further to a different grocery store, but it is easier not too, and I do want to avoid people.
Getting saturated with EmpQ due to being at home pretty much 24/7 for two days. I feel like there is a solidity to EmpQ and that it keeps anxiety at bay in a crisis time such as this.
Since the name embedded trial of EmpQ was cancelled, and that was going to be my next focus, I will keep running EmpQ for at least the near future. At some point I want to switch to Stark, but I plan to wait until the name embedded tech is ready.
I continue with EmpQ. It feels solid, though at this point I have no amazing success stories for it. Seems to turn the volume way down on anxiety.
The subliminals are an ongoing process, I run them, things change, but whatever I had hoped they would resolve morphs and shifts or remains tantalizingly just out of reach. The subs are a catalyst, a focus, a dream, not that I would ever literally believe I was going to be an Emperor or a Spartan or The Ultimate Artist.
Wasn’t sure if the EmpQ trial was over, but at this point I have started playing Spartan in my workout area. I likely get one loop a day or even a little less, though I have run it around 5 months as parts of stacks, so it should still be reactivating and building on my previous listening. Of course I have also been playing Aegis a lot since its release.
EmpQ still the main focus. My daily routine is deadening. Get up, go to office for six hours or so, come back home, see no one, do it over. Need to be more creative with what I am doing with my non-work time.
I was just thinking about whether Emperor Q had a stripped down version of Spartan in it?