EOG: No small change


#81

Yes it is very good Simon mentioned that, I almost forgot about the question regarding the reason WHY one wants to achieve such a goal.
Ofc, this is very important too


#82

My present wealth goal…it feels detached. I originally named a goal amount…which could be followed, BUT seriously, my heart has never sought money as a “fix-all” for life. At this point in time, when pain arrives (like now), money is a distraction to facing the big life issues, to seeking heart-truths in life, as very few people emphasize being truthful over being wealthy.

I’m wanting that. It’ll bring some pain (which scares me), but freedom, even a small bit, is desired.

Money doesn’t make me happy. I’m acquiring it, but it doesn’t provide integrity, honor, and truth to handle life.

However, it is a tool which can allow me to seek those things. Which is my motivation moreso now. This idea is yet unfinished.

Just thought of a truth from T. Harv Eker:

“Rich people think “both”. Poor people think either/or.”

“Both” sounds better.


#83

Yes, and how can you use this to think “both” and get that budding idea more and more finished and useful in your life?


#84

Both: This means having money and having constructive beliefs to be able to utilize it effectively. I have money and am still collecting. That’s the easier part of this equation as I’m finding and connecting with more wealthy minded people to acquire, preserve, and invest it. I’m here focusing on my thinking and beliefs about handling wealth since challenging and rewriting old norms is a major priority for me. I’m using ST1 presently, and we spoke in PM about adding New Beginnings later to kick this stuff out.

Well, not kick it out. Rather, challenge it to see what my habits and beliefs rest upon, and replace them if necassary. For example, last night I added a key belief to my Reasons I Will Fail on my wealth goals document. It was:

I’m not worthy.

I was talking with someone about star athletes making millions, that thought came up (hidden by thinking they deal with it, when I was projecting my thoughts on them). It underlays a bigger assortment of beliefs I carry, not all of which are constructive to the wealth goal.
Beliefs like:

I’m not worthy to handle excessive money. I have little confidence in myself.
I don’t feel worthy.
Noone will love me when I’m wealthy
I’ll have to isolate more when I’m wealthy
It’s safer to be small.
Others have more value.
My place is to be small/powerless in the family.
I’ll hide all the time to handle fear of not having people be happy with me.

I’ll stop there. I might add some to my Reasons I Will Fail list. My thoughts have been shifting, and looking over the document yesterday, some reasons are losing power.

But playing small has been on my mind too. At work, I’m thinking about this, wondering and looking for ways I can step out of this habit.

Gotta head out now to go to work. 1/2 day, easy day.

Please clarify if I missed your intended point @AMASH.


#85

You got my point and answered it very well. Thank you.

I like this. This is the right path. I encourage you to keep at it.


#86

You wrote this days ago @AMASH, and I never told you their effect. I’ve been thinking on it, and I’ve felt more confident and attentive to my effect on people. I’ve been considering meanings when I write, knowing people read and think on my words. I’ve always been attentive to my words; I’ve just often dismissed their effect on people.

However, something happened at work today, and it showed me my words do affect people.

Today I had one job that was due at our shop, but I wasn’t excited about it since I’m used to doing it alone. However, 3 guys from my department were called to come in to make headway on it since it’s been dismissed repeatedly by management.

In regards to words, I worked closely with an older Haitian man today, a regular, though he’s not an English speaker. He knows maybe 20-50 words in English, which is enough to do his work. However, he and I have communicated easily since he connects my English words with my gestures. I also saw today he enjoys working with me since I regularly tell him “Thank you!” and show appreciation for small things. I know if I’m alone I’ll need to do it myself, so those “thank you’s” mean a lot to me as well. We move twice as fast, and I’m letting him know I appreciate it. My words do matter there, and they helped our day go smoother.

In comparing my work world and my threads here, your words matter to me. Having an outside confidence boost helps me feel not alone here, and I value it greatly. Not everyone considers speaking up on a thread and saying “Great Job!” You do, and it affects me, for one. It helps make my experiences here meaningful, and increasingly purposeful.

Your words matter Amash. They help me. They often steer me straight. They show me someone cares even when I’ve considered quitting on myself (in full self-pity mode). But quitting has never made me feel good about myself. Your words often have. I’d like to let you know I’m grateful you’re here. :slight_smile:


#87

That’s very kind of you. I also go out of my way to thank people who really make my life and work easier, even if it’s “expected,” and it’s their job. We’re similar when it comes to this, and I wish for you to value yourself for this. Because most people take too many things for granted.

I hope in other parts of your life too, you may look, sense, and feel the ways you can appreciate more of what you have and others who have good intentions, to add that shining light of gratitude, and that rising water of kindness that lifts all boats in your life.

I thank you for the kind words. Really. I can feel the true emotion in them, and it touches my heart.

It really is a joy to see you be more and more purposeful / on your purpose. I recognize how important this is to you, and everything that helps you be more purposeful / on your purpose is part of you becoming more and more of the man you wish to be.

I am grateful to you @subliminalguy. You are brave to keep going even when self-pity strikes. And you sharing with me this has deeply impacted me.

You are on the right path. And I share with you these words, that I hope will give you food for thought, food for motivation, food to keep putting one foot forward, then the next:


#88

I picked up the Commander supercharger last night. I’d read the sales page before, but making decisions quickly and not overthinking things stood out, so I pulled the trigger. I’d gone there wondering if it was made for EOG, and it is.

I listened to only 2 loops of A&C, the stacking module, last night. I became fearful of being angry or moody all day today, so I put that 2nd loop in with a stack of EOG before bed.

I woke up, and similar to what @Michel reported, I had this thinking that I NEEDED to speak up. I instantly knew A&C was working. I even PM’d Michel this morning since I wasn’t feeling confident about admitting this here. But then something came clear to me, and I’m needing to write about it.

I was making coffee and checking on a dish I’m cooking, and a sad, uncomfortable feeling came up. I’ve been stuffing it recently, not identifying what it is. But suddenly, it clicked. I feel nervous admitting this.

What I felt are emotional remnants of my past, and that “SPEAK UP!” voice came with it. I’ve been sheepishly trying to focus on ONLY money and avoiding the deep spider web of emotions, but that kind of strict focus is not who I am. It’s never been. I began using subliminals 4 years back for emotional reasons, and I still look forward to that kind of focus. My life goals have always been intertwined with feeling good about myself and sharing that with others.

ST1 must be working on something, and my clear clue is my desire for “newer, better, faster” results. When I’m even imagining jumping or adding subs, part of me is afraid and seeking an escape.

So, ST1 must be bringing up something. It’s working on my emotions, and that’s all I know.


#89

I’m starting to feel and be aware of my own self-imposed limitations. Uncomfortable, while exciting that I’m seeing the problems and solutions simultaneously. Looking at my revealed denial exposes the truth at the same time.

One limitation: fear. A fear I’m losing my immaturity (losing the blinders I’ve kept on so long)


#90

Something specific is bothering me. I’ve never shared it, I’ve been mad today, and tears began falling as I began writing.

I’ve been PMing with another user here, and we brought up another sub maker I’ve used in past years. I admitted I’d used one sub for a short while, but stopped only since my anger grew suddenly and it seemed unrestrained. Similar to my experience here on Emperor 4, the anger felt freeing initially, but it was anchored to something I had not recognized. Not until tonight.

I was raised by my mom, a lonely unhappy woman at best, and an angry, male cursing person at her worst. She held so much resentment towards my dad that when she began ranting about him, she’d either 1. begin coughing (she was a lifelong smoker), or 2. she’d begin losing her restraint battle over herself, and begin hysterically weeping. She never revealed to me why she was angry. I’ve always expected a total loss of control, ie. rape.

Her message was dads were not needed. Not important. Not loving. And definitely not valued. This was my biggest message about my dad.

I’m becoming pissed more since her messages I am not hearing; I’m hearing my own. My dad never saddled up and sought us out. This angers me. He was my model for masculinity, and he BAILED, blaming our mother. Why Dad? WHY???

(I’d vent here more if it made any sense) WHY DAD!!??? I’ve failed to man up myself in so many relationships! Why’d you leave? Why didn’t you fight, you puss!!??

Aaaaaaaa…

This hurts at the base level. I’ve felt important at times, I’ve felt like a leader recently, and have always–ALWAYS–fell back on those fragile, tender roots of remembrance, which I haven’t desired to look at, much less stand on.

I’ve stepped over my anger, gone around it, denied it (mostly), MORALIZED IT (puke), shamed it, anything, anything, ANYTHING to not BE angry! I’ve even become afraid of it. When I’ve begun being openly angry, I felt like I was toying with dynamite, and I’d blow up on people. Subliminalguy has not BEEN angry (openly) much. --though I’ve checked for truthfulness lately, wondering how often I was angry, but was in denial about it. I spot this in others, and it takes one to know one–that’s me right here. I have been angry. I’ve felt shame and fear of loss trying to gloss it over, but it was still anger in me.

2 more points to bring this home.

  1. I learned that anger is not a primary emotion. It comes from either fear, or pain. For me, it was old pain initially, then a fear of losing relationships due to such anger.

  2. I listened to Commander A&C for a few hours while doing laundry today. I’m listening to EOG now, but something’s been under my skin today. A&C said “PUSH THROUGH!!!”

I did. Something is growing, though I’m not sure what. However, part of me feels like I need more of this.


#91

Hang in there brother. Maybe now that you know the root of the anger, you can begin to weaken and remedy it.


#92

Thanks man. One step at a time currently.


#93

The root problem of our generation in a nutshell.

I think it is good you feel this anger. Fear and pain, while they absolutely should be heard, put you in a powerless state. Anger is your natural, healthy response to reclaim your power.
You are on your way to get your power back.


#94

Simply put, he couldn’t take it anymore. Working long hours with expectations, coming home to an empowered and angry woman who wished not to be restricted. He zoned out, partly because he also disempowered and lost himself.

We’re the divorce generation.


#95

An emotionally heavy day (all internally), but I discovered a BIG root without even trying. My mind was ready for it.

I got teary-eyed this morning first reading @ExploringAstronaut’s reply since I’ve identified heavily with a lost generation. I felt supported here, and those words mattered.

Just hours later, I then was in a PM exchange with someone here while I took a break at work, and I felt fear. It was familiar, and some part of me quickly saw the root. I saw and felt it really clearly.

I felt afraid of being loved.

Looking at my lifestyle, it makes too much sense.

It’s why I’ve not even wanted to date anyone since my divorce in 2014.
It’s why I’ve not stayed in touch with old classmates, even those living here in town.
It’s why I stay clear from all my siblings, 2 who live just miles from me.
It’s even why I’m afraid to reach out to my own daughter more frequently.
(it’s also why I’ve been afraid to push submit on this post. I finished it 5 minutes ago. I’ve been sitting here…delaying, delaying, delaying)

And bringing in EOG, it’s also why I delayed a week when a life insurance agent I contacted asked for details so he could give me a reply. Giving him specifics felt like he’d know me then and possibly hurt me. I sent the details last night, but the fear reflects me feeling like a hurt little boy from a time long ago. I felt vulnerable.

And yes, @Michel, my father did lose himself. He felt uprooted when his dad died, being only 13 or so, his mom tried to control him, and he rebelled. He joined the Marines, went off to WWII, but never healed his inner hurts. He survived. I’m not sure why he left us–or maybe…I’m afraid to own the truth. But thank you for helping me pursue some truth.

What a day.


#96

Yesterday, my phone battery was low since it didn’t charge overnight, so I turned my phone off in the morning. I mention this since I normally get the majority of my sub exposure off my phone during the day.

I came home and put on a stack EOG ST1 (5x) and A&C (2x). I slept with it looping. I woke kind of disgruntled, like a subtle feeling of too much, and my mind needed a rest. I turned it off. Listening while sleeping hasn’t been my practice so far.

And something which I’ve not been sharing are some little changes in my life lately. Dreams. I’ve said time and time again I don’t have regular dreams. I have proof I’m not accurate here. :slight_smile:

It involves my daughter’s role in a school play coming up in spring. It’s an Adam’s Family play, and due to both her height and her strong voice, she got the part for Lurch. Well, I had a dream that she lost the part. However, I internalized that this actually happened, as if it was fact.

But I spoke to my ex last night, requesting to see her and our daughter during spring break. She reminded me of plans they’d made to go out of state to see her sister that week, but she offered me coming up for a weekend when she has her play. I heard her and checked my “reality” quickly. I didn’t tell her my former beliefs.

I’m wondering what else I’ve made real which isn’t. It excites me, and also saddens me since I wonder what I’ve been making true, when it isn’t. I might initiate some discussions at work today with one guy I know. Wondering about my “facts”.


#97

Your only responsible for your daughter. Nobody else.

Oh boy, do I feel this. This one’s heavy.

Being loved meant being vulnerable, having a responsibility to the other person. But the scary belief is “I’m not actually a monster?”


#98

Damn. ST1 is definitely working.

I just left a park just sitting in my van. I’d left work an hour before, and I’d had an idea originally that I’d go and face some fears. I went shopping first (no challenges there), then thought about going to this park. My fear of being known and loved came up, I considered it, and I began reading journal threads here. I found Michel’s, he was speaking about PCC, I debated with myself playing it, and I began it, knowing I could change it if needed.

Meanwhile, this old lesson came back to me. While working on a missionary compound almost 20 years ago, I learned that if someone tries to assist baby chicks when they’re hatching out of their shells, the chicks will be weak, fearful, and likely die early. There’s something that happens in that breaking out that ignites their will to live and survive.

I turned off PCC 6 minutes later and resumed EOG, which has been playing in my pocket all day. I realized this lesson is for me. Something is brewing deep, and I wanted to put it back on.

When I arrived at the park, I didn’t want to be near people. I sat in my van. I was uncomfortable with myself, having some fears rise up lately since I’m beginning to move forward both financially and emotionally. In both areas, I’m in spots I’ve never been. But I just sat with my feelings, remembering another sub I’ve used in past years which encouraged protecting myself if under pressure. Actually, I put the seat down and almost napped. I didn’t want to be near people.

I realized during this downtime I needed myself in this. I was the only person who could comfort myself now. Noone else. And wow, I didn’t lean towards self-pity either. My whole time after leaving work was taking action to comfort myself. At hearing myself.

I also realize that me going there was an uprising in me, to care for me. I’ll be in deeper relationships in times to come, but noone but me can care for the me inside.

ST1 is extremely active.


#99

#100

I began a post this morning sharing a decision I made almost a year back. After watching this very video, I made the decision to not pursue a commercial driver’s license freely offered by my company. At 10:08 in the video, he shared to NOT have a Plan B. I’d already been bitcoin mining many months, and being a driver for my job could have easily been a Plan B. So, I wrote an official letter to my manager telling her I wasn’t pursuing it. She’s been prodding me on the idea this week. It’s not my dream though. It’s never been.