Ever need help focusing? I do. I’m speaking of focusing emotionally, as a lot has gone on the last 24 hours. I’ll share what’s happened, then share why I’m here to write.
My post last night involving the customer service rep wrapped around a fear I had, for I’d paid for my bitcoin private key yesterday, but I was afraid the funds would be used for some mining machines I’d held which are only waiting for funding. They draw from the same wallet, so I emailed the exchange and attempted chatting with the rep. I didn’t want to fund a machine. I needed private keys since without them, withdrawals are not possible.
I prayed last night, asking God to fight for me. I wanted this bad, I’ve been working on acquiring a key for many months now, tax refunds came, and I used them to purchase a key. So the possibility of losing it to a mining machine was reason enough to ask for help.
I got up this morning, still unsure, but I opened my laptop. And WOW! An email subject line jumped out at me: “Key payment received” (Happy Dance!)
They said it’ll take up to 3 days for them to generate it. Noooo problem.
Now I’ll share why I wanted to write here. It’s all internal.
I became afraid—damn, it’s becoming clear now. I have financial commitments to 3 different people, 2 of which are business-related, and one is personal (my ex-wife asked for me to pay off a loan of hers in exchange for using her share of the tax refund. No problem).
But the fear came from me thinking I needed to make everyone happy. I felt a little frantic and nervous this morning–mostly since up to this point in my life, I’ve failed to do that. It’s a childhood belief that no matter what I try to do to make someone happy, I will fail. And one of the business commitments is with a guy who knows his stuff, but damn, he’s insecure. He takes me saying “I’ll likely be able to pay you this week” and turns it into “I will definitely pay you this week”. I got an email Tuesday anxiously asking “Are we starting today? You said you’d start this week” This, too, got wrapped up in this franticness in my head this morning. I’m trying to please everybody.
There’s a bit of anxiety in this message since it appears unresolved. But I experienced something yesterday which seems to help. It involves focusing.
I’d gotten out of my place yesterday to drive down to the river and walk. I decided to walk on a public dock, and in times past, I’d come there to talk with God. I ended up not walking that much, but sitting and resting. Noone else was on the dock since it was around 4PM, and people were heading home from work.
Well, I finally got up and began heading to exit the dock and head home. It was a narrow dock, I had my glasses off, but I became aware of how focusing on just the dock in front of me relaxed me mentally and emotionally. When I looked up, I instantly would “take on other’s problems”, so I just focused on walking and the simple route right in front of me. I even U-turned a couple of times to stay on the dock and keep that focus.
I normally don’t enter such a state, but since it was physical, I embraced it. I’ve had this anxiety-producing caretaking mentality my whole life, so focusing on myself and my needs was relaxing and enjoyable. I’m wondering how I could use that in present circumstances.
Does EOG help with focusing? Stage 2 sounds like it may contain it, but ST1?