@SubliminalUser thanks man. I did not run emperor for any specific reason or for a certain result. I was like many jumping around from one sub to another, trying the new or trying on new stacks without any consistency.
Untill i started seeing @lee_mdk ’s results. He ran Primal for 8 months at the time and displayed true live changing results. At the time i was messing around yet always felt like Emperor was doing something very important. So i went offline for almost a year barly posting and kept using Emperor.
It didnt hit me untill way later untill i discovred that among many things i got from emperor, it did one thing that stands tall above everything else.
It eliminated my need for love, approval and attention from anything and anyone. I honestly cant care about anyone the same unhealthy was i used to. I cant even be harsh on myself anymore. Im just contempt and relaxed, almost to the level that i cant even punish or scold myself whenever i fail at something important or when im being lazy.
Im just that contempt, i dont want to throw around words like Zen… but this is as close to ” what zen is supposed to be ” to the best of my knowledge.
Coming from that place, it makes it easier to absorb subs like Libertine. Since i really dont care about sex or impressing anyone anymore. Im not even as sexual as i imagined myself to be. Having sex 3 times a week, once at a time is good enough. I could go for more but that feels like time wasted.
Speaking of sex, my ex ( who broke up with me around the time i started using Libertine V2 ) asked me to hang out at her place. During those 2 weeks she was texting here and there and i was responsive but barly reactive. She slowly started showing more and more attention sending hearts and selfies. I went there because i missed her and her cat. I expected and wanted nothing, just to have a good time. She was full on touching, and being sexual with me. I layed on the couch she layed next to me and we watched a movie, during the 1 hour movie she kept getting closer and more touchy, untill she grabbed my hand and put it around her waist.
I knew whats going on but played it out curious whats going to happen, i didnt respond to any of her attemts untill she went to kiss me i stopped her and said:
Is that really what you want? She went quiet and nervious just as she normally does when she gets emotional.
I asked what do you want?
She said ” you ”
I said you broke up with me, you could have asked for a break or a time out but you just ended it.
She nods sadly, and i ask ” you want me but what do you want of me? ”
She said i dont know
In my mind i know its both Libertine v2 and her totally confused about how indifferent i am.
I said ” because i gave it my all with you, i have zero regrets and i want nothing from you. Untill you realise what you want with me, it wont be the same. Im just a friend here. And im not waiting for anyone. So fiqure out what you want, be clear about it and we will take it from there about what i feel like doing about it ”
Eventually i gave up and we had sex, i was waaay more rough and dominant on Libertine 2. She was screaming like never before… her moans sounded like pleas for more…
That was all yesterday, i went home and today she is texting me things like ” im horny, i wonder if we can hang out again ”