Finding my True North


#181

Haha unfortunately all of my life I had men try to test me here and there. Some have tried to literally pick fights with me as well. I mentioned like 2 weeks back how 3 drunk guys sat next to me on the train and one was literally all up in my space and bumping me. I used to think I was in the wrong place wrong time for these things to happen to me but as I’m writing this comment I think I attract these situations into my life because my entire life I was never comfortable in my masculinity. I also have a fear of conflict with other men. I think because of these things I don’t know if you believe in energies and law of attraction etc but I think I attract these situations into my life because it’s a reflection of my inner state which is fear of conflict with other men and not being comfortable in my masculinity.


#182

Can’t hurt, a bit of a maintenance clean? Can you clean everything though? Maybe it’s like cleaning a window.

Saw someone revisit ST1 for one week only before moving on, another 30 days will definitely attack a new set of faulty beliefs for sure.


#183

If you want to get metaphysical:
There is no outside

I am the manifestation of my parents inner shadow.
My former friends was a reflection of my self neglect
My ex manifested in order to awaken my sexuality.
Being friendzoned taught me that I wasn’t masculine enough


#184

Wow wow wow! So Your Khan has Officially stepped into planet Earth! Woohoo!! Can you please elaborate slightly more on the respect from men part.


#185

@mecharc It’s begrudging respect.

Like "I fucking hate your guts, but I won’t think about messing with you, because I want what you have and you look like you could cause me damage (and potentially take my girl :yum:)

I go to the gym so have some muscle mass.


#186

Everyone is your imagination pushed out.


#187

Listening for less than 30 days and just go with the flow might indeed be an option. In general though, I like to set a certain amount of days to listen to a stage beforehand.This way I have a goal, which prevents my subconcious from tricking me into going to the next stage because it doesn’t like what it is hearing.


#188

Do you think they won’t think about messing with a skinny short guy too??.ummm… im… just Asking for a friend :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:


#189

@mecharc I worked for a 5’ tall boss with a 100 a day smoking voice, a massive chest and a trophy wife. Do you think he was messed with?


#190

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 28

ST2 giving me inner confidence as usual. Two loops of ST4, boy does it work really fast! I suspect it has some form of Primal, Emperor and some rapid manifestation, like Sex Mastery inside there, going by the intense reactions women have.

Sexual charisma:
On the train I smiled at a woman who was damn near eye fucking me. Got on the train, she sat opposite - strawberry blonde, blue eyes, ring on finger. There was this intense sexual chemistry between us, I’m absolutely sure she felt it too. It was a bit embarrassing for the both of us - for me to be stared at like that and for her to be attracted to another man.

More respect:
At the department store, I enquired over a lack of special brew tea, the shop assistant said none in stock. Expected that to be the end of the conversation. But he continued: he checked the back to confirm that there was none. Then he recommended a similar type of tea (chai) and told me how to properly make it at home.

This was a good five minutes. Never expected that level of customer care from a gentleman in a department store before.

At the cafe shop, two things:

  • When ordering, the serveuse out of nothing cupped her right breast…
  • A woman walked in who looked a lot like my ex girlfriend. I took it to mean that she appeared as a reminder and for closure she suddenly decided to split.

#191

that eye fucking is a massive IOI. Her primal brain was turned on by looking at you. How you look just does it for her. It wouldn’t surprise me had you approached even with a ring on her finger she would have been receptive to your advances. Girls can have a bf husband ring on finger whatever they would still cheat. Which is why I don’t trust women but Any reason why your running khan st4 a few loops while still mainly running st2 ? Is it just to get a taste of st4 ?


#192

@Grimm1390 yeah, wanted to find out what ST4 was all about. I added 2 loops to my usual ST2 playlist, amazing results so far. Might just take the plunge, as I’m nearing the end of 30 days.

On the eye fucking:
Women are always looking for alpha, tolerating beta and ignoring omega.

It then becomes a matter of ethics. I’m undecided in that married women are a no-no, however primal sexuality doesn’t care about ethics. Moreover It’s rare to find someone you’re totally sexually compatible with.


#193

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 29

Almost done with ST2. Time for ST4, y’all. Spent my first night with a 50/50 ST4 dominant playlist and I’m almost regretting it. Let me explain:

A few things happened already that I’m simultaneously proud of and ashamed of. I stood up to a dominant female manager (caused feeling of guilt) and stood my ground with my work reps (which caused feelings of abandonment).

Standing up to manager
Whilst awaiting a morning shift, a masculine looking woman, who was already displaying pass-agg behaviour towards me decided to reach for an apron on a shelf, dragged it scattering the rest of the pile across me and onto the floor. I get pissed off, but say nothing - which triggered her to become offended and tried to get me to pick them up on her behalf. I sat there and did nothing. Eventually she went over and picked them up herself.

Standing firm with work reps
My workplace reps failed to book me in for a morning shift. On the phone this idiot insisted I failed to confirm with them despite sending two emails to the contrary. After holding firm and repeating myself over the phone the workplace rep decided to cut me off. I was seething with rage and walked out.

Feeling deep fear
Both incidents triggered deep primal fears of codependency and abandonment. Didn’t expect this from ST4. At the same time I’ve never felt so independently confident in my life. I can only guess that Khan Complete is completely replacing my previous programming. It’s unexpected and unsettling.


#194

Wow loving your Journey so far until know… i was thinking in adding this to my mix. But as you said get rid of Ex Girlfriend…i might go for a divorce :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: .

Ill be using your journey to inspire myself aswell…we are in this boat together. Keep up the good work. :muscle::muscle:


#195

When you say you might take the plunge do you mean skipping st3 and going to st4 ? If you do plan to start running st4 run a few loops of st3 as well. St3 sounds to good to pass up on to not at least run a few loops


#196

In the khan complete sales page it says
this with the quotes under. Also on what you wrote i couldn’t help but think how your situation with that masuline women and this little description of st4 go hand in hand.

“You will become intimately aware of your innermost sides, good and bad, and you will likely become a polarizing individual – some will love you, some will hate you, but all will respect you. Your relationships will be changed for the better, but there will be tumultation.”

Its possible you felt feelings of fear and abandonment because your not used to that level of standing firm yet so when you stand your ground your old mind thinks if you act like this you will be abandoned etc i would guess over time the more you stand firm and control the frame your mind will get used to the dominance of st4 and your brain will no longer bring up those abandonment feelings because it sees that even though your acting this way you are not getting abandoned so the fear and shame should dissipate over time


#197

@Grimm1390 you’re right, well spotted and well said.

The last time I stood up for myself, I was a young child who was scared that being assertive would lead to being abandoned. The guilt comes from being shamed for standing up for myself. These fears are gut wrenchingly bad. Reconciliation like a motherfucker.

Going to add ST3 in the mix now.


#198

Yes fear of being abandoned, fear of not being liked, fear of conflict all these go hand in hand. I think in no more mr nice guy he says nice guys are afraid to rock the boat they like to keep there world nice and smooth to avoid conflicts. Lol i think i need to re read that book again because there are so many lessons in that book about embracing these issues


#199

The more we get our needs met, speak up for ourselves, stand firm etc we will show that part of our brain thats afraid and has a fear of abandonment and a deep sense of primal fear that " see we are alive and okay even after us standing firm " the more we do this the more that part of the brain will get more exposure and examples of us still being alive and okay. That part of the brain that fear it feels its so deep it feels like if we do xyz we will die.
Its like approach anxiety when one is starting out and never approached a girl before it literally feels like death walking up to a girl lol but after you approach regardless of the outcome you realize it wasnt as bad as your mind was making it out to be. So the more you approach yes the fear is still there but the intensity of the fear gets less and less overtime and for some they do it so much they no longer feel fear approaching.
I think this is how you tackle your issues. I guess its called exposure therapy stand firm and speak your mind and show your brain regardless of how the situation unfolds we will be alright and survive. The more exposure it gets overtime it will have a reference point to say " yes we will be fine" etc


#200

Imagine somebody bigger, stronger and more terrifying got in your face and physically assaulted you every time you spoke up or disagree with something? That’s my task. Shyness as a result of not expressing myself properly.

EDIT: this has to do with independence. Being able to walk, talk, drive, be creative, earn money, have friends, have sex, go to university, have children and a mortgage. They are significant markers of an independent life from mother.

Robert Glover mentions this all over his book Nice Guy that betas are still pyschically attached to mom’s apron strings. Everytime I ran for independence as a child, there was mother to squash it. I’ll abandon you, I’ll kick you out, why are you doing that? That’s stupid. Best be loyal… I can see that now with other members of family, in that they’re stuck with appeasing mother.

I felt solidarity with @Y.o.B’s journal because of a similar childhood.

This is really deep and painful to admit and experience changing. It’s not easy at all.