Finding my True North


#222

@Michel - perfect!

Another bonus of Black Seed Oil is the benefits of applying on your skin too. And applying on your manhood will provide it many nutrients. Personally found it be useful for my erections.


#223

Would you say women are finding you while on st3 because of the aura/ energy st3 gives you or because of law of attraction/ manifestation or both ?


#224

@Grimm1390 it’s hard to say, aura definitely gets them intrigued but doesn’t explain the amount amount of suitable women just showing up.


#225

Khan
Total Action
Day 8

ST3 is giving me more absolute stunners at work, getting stares now from colleagues. Even female bosses are licking lips and flipping hair. Becoming normal now.

What is alpha?
I still don’t feel like King Kong, walking and bossing people around and giving other men the death stare.
I realise it’s because I’m so naturally dominant, that I don’t need to do that kind of shit. I prefer relaxing, enjoying and flirting, whilst being masculine and confident. Is that alpha?

Random Respect:
One dude asked for directions randomly, also a colleague at work asked how to talk to girls. What could I tell him? :smile:

Reconciliation:
At home, tasks are being done for me. I don’t like tasks being done for me, I’m fully capable of doing it myself. It takes away from my independence. The stalking and invadion of personal space doesn’t help either.


#226

Wow! These journals are helping me live vicariously until I see results.

I’m on ST2 day 3… When do you think I will start seeing results like yours?


#227

,@mecharc ST1 and ST2 is the inner work before the outer shows up. ST3 is worth the wait.


#228

Khan
Total Action
Day 9

Quick update, I’m getting a few guys trying to mirror me for dat shine, some are aiming a few jabs, but hey… A Khan never worries about the opinions of betas.

Whatcha lookin at?
At work, there was this smoking hot brunette as my immediate boss, around 30, slim figure etc… Everytime she looks at me she’s either licking lips, fiddling hair or just gazing. Trouble is, I’m not the only “alpha” at work, so she’s doing the same thing to them :smile: younger work colleagues are also starting to stare randomly at me.

More respect
Work is just good, no troubles there, even getting mad respect from male bosses. Matching their banter, never needing to cower in fear. He even thanked me for my hard work in being put in a busy bar.


#229

Khan
Total Action
Day 10

Been put on table cleaning duty, essentially demoted. Yesterday absolutely smashed it on the bar. Getting complete assholes as customers. Not happy.

Todays numerology number:
16:16.16 on the clock.

Gentle reminder:
Never rely on other people for my self-esteem. Other people aren’t responsible for my self esteem. I must develop and guard my own against people who want to cut me down.

The definition of alpha?
People think alpha is some kind of an act, people “pretending” to be alpha. I’m not pretending. After today, I’m also not playing either. Everywhere I go, there’s some dickhead who has a problem with me.
Since I keep getting bullshit from the outside, it’s now time to reinforce the inside.

Today is the day that I learned the art of not giving a single fuck.

Walking down the road without a single fuck to give, yes I still got hated and feared upon, but guess what? I don’t give a fuck. No matter what I do to mitigate someone’s bad opinion of me, someone doesn’t like it. So now? I don’t give a fuck.
Some might regard this as a negative bad boy trait - maybe…

I’m also stopping with picking up chicks. Since I can rely on ST3 attraction and manifestation, I’m not hoping for, nor chasing down any woman. She’s gotta prove that she’s worth my time, otherwise I’m perfectly capable with my right hand. I’m good by myself.

(Ironically, a very attractive girl was my immediate manager, a colleague got very friendly on my break and a blonde just raised her feet at me on the train home).


#230

1 x ST1 refresh

Yesterday was the most I’ve felt emotionally exposed - people cursing and being rude take a toll on the soul - and the closest I’ve come to hiding away from the outside. Doing a bitch job when you’re talented elsewhere is tough to bear whilst others aim arrows at me.

On the flip side I learned how to keep my head up high and disregard negative opinions of me. I might be wounded but I’m not going anywhere soon, so you’d better deal with it.


#231

Was the emotional feeling after the loop of ST1, or did u listen to ST1 after feeling so?


#232

@mecharc played ST1 after having that crappy feeling and having some terrifying dreams. One dream where I took a pen and sliced my eye lens open. :mask:

Edit: played ST1 for a few hours


#233

Khan
Total Action
Day 12

Terrifying, horror style dreams meant that something important was processed as I now have an attitude of “I deserve to be here on planet earth, NOBODY has a right to treat me like a piece of dog shit, I will prioritize my opinion of myself over everybody else positive or negative”

IT IS SAFE to disregard negative opinions of others, because I have the choice to do it.

I felt that tough work environment was brought to me via ST3 to face my deep fear of others strong disapproval and abuse.


#234

Khan
Total Action
Day 13

Added ST1 to my stack until the deep Shadow work is done. Like @Grimm1390 said, Total Action is about manifesting Emperor style growth, unfortunately it is manifesting my deepest, primal fears in my face.
The breakthrough is being free to be and speak on my own opinions, because they do count - even though no one else agrees.

In other stuff, saw that gym girl again who I opened a while back catching a look at me whilst I was doing squats, I did vice versa. After I left for the dumbbell rack, she followed. I suspect she already has a boyfriend, but still. Thighs that could break coconuts…


#235

You wont know if she has a bf unless you talk to her and she tells you and even if she says she has one, a bf means nothing to these women today


#236

It is a shame I just started reading your journal. Very very inspirational, thank you for sharing!


#237

@Grimm1390 hypergamy? Sure! Let’s see…

@ExploringAstronaut cheers. This has been a very tough journey so far, I’m going it’ll be worth it.


#238

Haha if shes willing to mess with you but has a bf beware of those girls. If shes willing to cheat you know what type of women these are and they are not relationship type girl’s. I would never get into a relationship with these women if they are willing to cheat. that means they would be okay with cheating on you down the road.


#239

@Grimm1390 The fact that she might have a dude already doesn’t actually bother me, as I’m not looking for long term relationship anyway. Plus the Khan marketing email said , “become “uncheatable” on”. :sweat_smile:


#240

Khan
Total Action
Day 14

Getting more in touch with what I want out of a situation - the small things like “where shall we have a hot drink today” and avoiding people and places that I know isn’t good for me. Too often I’ve gone back or said yes because I never realised that I could choose something else! Or that I deserve better. Sometimes I would fall prey to being cheaply manipulated.

Enter Power Can Corrupt, as recommended by @DarkPhilosopher.

@SaintSovereign said something profound in relation to the trauma healing process:

Power Can Corrupt will make sure that nobody can ever humiliate, manipulate and take advantage of me ever again, Time to pick up my sword and start using it.


#241

If you don’t mind, do you mind sharing your progress on your goals?