Total Chilled Action
Finding my real self:
I feel like for the first time that I’m in command of my own life - not just reacting to other people’s hatred. If I want to go chill in a coffee shop for no other reason than to chill, I will. If I want to travel by myself, I will. My focus is now firmly on myself and what I can do for myself, not attempting to fixing other people’s problems. The urge to bail out others distracted me from my own path.
Thou shalt hold thy own nuts.
I found myself identifying a work colleague who dropped subtle hints of disapproval and I simply dismissed them from my mind [Law 10] and carried on my business. Usually at the start of work I take the lead, trying to “assume” the manager’s role, however this time I found myself hanging back [Law 1], letting others do the heavy lifting [Law 4], keeping my hands clean [Law 26] and turn on my charisma for the customers instead.
PCC is real world skills for the workplace. The secret skills people instinctively learn to get ahead. It’s dangerous stuff as this behaviour is automatic!
Covering up the inner pain:
Now I know why the art career had to go, same as the ambition to be a manager - it was a cover for my own emotional pain. I wanted to be admired and respected by others for my work. But those opportunities I pursued never flourished despite my best efforts, because they were never in alignment with who I truly am.
It was a cover-up and a distraction; those achievements in art put a temporary Bandaid over the emotional pain and trauma still felt from my abusive past. It covered up my real, true self which was beaten down and shamed by society, parents, teachers and strangers.
Since Regeneration started, traumas started healing and disappearing by themselves, revealing my real self underneath the bullshit. Without my former identity of “abused child victim”, who exactly am I? What am I? What do I truly like? Where am I naturally talented at?
Total Breakdown smashed the art career and management ambitions into pieces for a higher purpose