Finding my True North


#322

Then the heavy reconciliation must be down to Regeneration.

I’ve taken a few days off from Khan as there was a big emotional release yesterday linked to the sub. Crying buckets unexpectedly and private journalling.

@flake_and_milk my situation is complicated as “taking action” on Regeneration really means taking action - a major life change. I’m not ready to do so.


#323

Khan
Total Action
Day 30

Last day of ST3 and time to reflect on the month.

Playing Regeneration has led me to tackle the past. There was a strong urge to finally address decades of negative trauma, physical and emotional abuse, toxic shame and guilt, painful past experiences. All from Khan’s push to be more assertive.

"Power Can Corrupt" is my life. Power has corrupted the people closest to me that were tasked to look after me. Instead they used that power to squash, berate and destroy. It may be “negative” to look at the darkest aspects of people but prevention is better than cure and I’m not willing to have anyone abuse their power over me again.


#324

just living life can promote the healing process. Because our bodyminds are already naturally trying to heal. The action is happening.

Be as kind to yourself as possible


#325

@SaintSovereign does PCC deal with frame? As in, if somebody tries to frame you in an unflattering way, you have the skills to avoid and even turn the tables?


#326

@Michel - all the best for ST4 KHAN COMPLETE! Looking forward to reading that. Will be starting ST4 myself in another 11 or so days.


#327

Khan
ST4
Day 1

It’s been hard to write something down for this journal. Lots have happened but it’s hard to say out loud because I can’t figure it out.

I feel like the Khan dominance has weakened with Regeneration. ST3 was also full of nervous energy, ST4 is a lot smoother.

Regeneration is doing most of the work and erasing the decades of accumulated toxic shame and guilt. The “flu” is subsiding, feeling better and major release of something.

Realisation:

  • When the shame and anxiety of the past disappears, what then fills the space?

No inner shame means a calm, clear confidence that I’m not used to. Not being shamed for being alive, not beating up myself for not doing it “perfectly”, no anger over trying to fix somebody. I’m more chilled now, let others be.

Power Can Corrupt is also subtly doing its job, having a lower tolerance level for people excessively talking. I can hear the heavy energy of bullshit and genuine talk, they feel different. Also not giving rude people the time of day, as I see them, the gates go up.

More work?
I don’t know whats been happening but work has been secretly adding hours to my schedule without me knowing and I had no chance to correct and complain. Earning more money (not a bad thing) yes, but not sure where or why it’s coming (manifestation module maybe?)

Be my bitch?
Some dude asked me to look after his luggage in a McDonald’s. I told him to put it underneath the table so it’s safe. He ignored me and left. I sat there feeling like "why do others see me as a bell porter service?" So I shocked myself by eating my meal and leave.


#328

I tried imagining this scene.
Very Well Done! I
follow this quote nowadays
“Be a good person. but never waste your time”


#329

Sure does. But, it’ll make you aware of what’s happening. To have the courage to respond (if you already don’t), you’ll need something to harden your internal frame, like Ascension or Emperor.


#330

Khan
Khan Komplete Kan Korrupt
Day 2

So it seems that emotional healing is more of a priority because I crave listening to Regeneration every night, despite the heavy reconciliation. I’ve also added the Elixir as a booster in case I need it.

The Elixir is great if you have any trauma ticks that need tweezing out and you have a spare 15 minutes to zone out. After two sessions back to back (as recommended) I feel integrated with my real self. So happy to have arrived at this point!

With the healing side being taken care of, Khan Komplete can now unleash itself and boy oh boy …

Realisation:

When I heal fully:

  • I stop trying to help others
  • I stop begging others to like me
  • I stop asking for attention from others
  • I stop looking for a saviour in human skin
  • I start to respect, love and honour myself

Khan Kan Korrupt then takes care of the people that wish me ill.

The Laws at Work
A shorter shift this time around, I’m noticing the effects of Power can Corrupt as I chose to “mentor” a colleague, asking him to complete tasks that were actually assigned to me :no_mouth: [Law 7 ]. Even though I knew the job and carried off enough confidence to be team leader, I still enacted [Law 1]. Always saying less than necessary and converting the team leader through my actions.
In fact I may have used a third of the 48 Laws that night…


#331

Did you consider switching Regeneration to Khan ST1 and loop st4 and 1? Maybe it will have better synergy


#332

@Flake_And_Milk ST1 works well with Regeneration, but the reason I use it in my stack is for the comprehensive trauma and emotional pain healing. ST1 only works with beliefs that block you from being a Khan.


#333

Khan
ST4
Day 3

Well, this is embarrassing
Ever get the feeling that you love the high of being so comfortable with yourself and with life that you forget mundane things like… going to work?

Regeneration and the Elixir has done me in with the constant feeling of “I’m ok, everything is ok”. I’m in the other city forgetting to go to work, sent my apologies and hopefully the fallout isn’t too severe. But, shit, I am starting to like myself and my own company. Even the audible nervous coughing from people never affected me.

Khan still working on my dominance, got approached by a salesman because I was wearing my work shirt and thought I would be a good customer for their shirt business.

I’m going to figure out how not to get too lost in my real self to come down to earth and get to work. :+1:


#334

That’s funny Michel :rofl: It sounds like one of the best “mistakes” I’ve ever heard of!


#335

Khan Kan Korrupt
Day 4

Head in the clouds
So much for being a responsible adult, almost got run over by a big bus…
That’s the effect of Regeneration - comfortable with myself, calm emotions and thoughts. All that’s needed is a functioning brain…

Still a mark
Confronted a young subway gate jumper late at night, demanded he pay my fare. When he refused I told him to get lost. Nothing came of it, but I’m noticing the subterfuge thanks to PCC and now acting on it.


#336

Brother, regeneration seems to be working more like a drug. I am talking in the sense of giving u a wonderland feeling. even though amazing, I am feeling slightly worried for your safety.

Unless, the big bus is a metaphor.


#337

@mecharc digital heroin. Could save a lot of lives…

Inner child showing himself and wanting to play, but must realise that he can’t sit in the driver’s seat! Major breakthrough.


#338

Michel,

I added Regeneration to my Kann ST1 loops yesterday upon reading your journal. This is my second time running TB, so I absolutely agree it focuses on one’s understanding’s and adaptations to said beliefs. I was unsure where I was emotionally today…since my foundation is once again being shaken. It’s not violent, but it’s definitely apparent. Thanks for sharing so regularly here! I find it truly inspiring :slight_smile:


#339

@subliminalguy you’re welcome! I wish I’d have started ST1 with Regeneration all the way back, had I known it was what I actually needed, but what’s meant to be…

ST1 is miserable, so I don’t blame you for adding Regeneration.


#340

On breaking away:

This is probably why I no longer fear the future like I did before these subs.

Painful to admit that I’ve been wholly consumed by the fear of independence for ever, because it meant death on the streets. Being threatened with expulsion as a child for not doing what my narcissistic mother demanded is now my deepest fear to overcome and conquer. Glad to say it’s now an increasing possibility.

Regeneration is a Godsend.


#341

Khan
ST4 w/ PCC + Regeneration

Day 5

Moving on:
ST1 revealed to me (through tough reconciliation) what and who needed to go, in order to move forward. Now three months later, it’s time to act. Time to move on.

Emotionally moving on from the past, from feeling stuck in a spider’s web of attachment trauma, parental abuse, primal terror fears, flashbacks, insults, school embarrassments, backstabbing at work, betrayal and dismissal by those who I was peers with, had a thing for and even the university I studied with.

Thanks to Regeneration, it’s time to finally bury them all, cut them out and stop giving all of them my energy.

Forgiving is what they call it, apparently… I prefer “cremating the past”.

It’s all about me:
Enjoying the increased focus on my self. It’s been hard but reserving my energy for me, stopping the ingrained cycle of giving so much and getting taken advantage of and being emotionally abused. Whilst in the other city, I felt such a strong inner solidity that nobody with their prejudices could touch me, nor those who don’t care can’t get in because I give these people nothing. None of my energy going to them to extract love and acceptance from others.

Leveling up:
Got that new career! Negotiations with my current employer have finished and I’m now going to work with a new employer.
And, get this… An art commission! A small one of course, but it felt good to up the paint brush in almost four months. All this came to me. Letting people come to me, instead of chasing others.