Finding my True North


#342

I’m using Elixir thanks to your recommendation.


#343

Khan Komplete
Day 6

Regeneration flashback:
Working out the gym and was surrounded by a bunch of teens joshing each other hard.

Then I had an upsetting flashback to my own school days and the time I was called a monkey by someone I considered a “friend”, that person was beaten up when I told a group of thugs.

I had no physical or mental toughness and let people who I considered friends repeatedly insult me without fighting back. Why didn’t my dad teach me about getting fit and working out in a gym?

It’s true what my father said at the time - I was too soft.

Khan Khan’t Korrupt Me:
Without the constant fear of criticism, rejection, abandonment and punishment others, Khan can fully establish itself. Feeling that real solid internal frame more and more. Also learning to give very little away to people who don’t deserve it. I’m perfectly capable of existing by myself, finding things to do and having a packed schedule without feeling lonely or desperate for someone to fill in my gaps. Hurrah!

PCC shining a light on how the real world works also lights a path to follow. I’m following the wisdom of never committing to one person or thing as that “thing” can disappear at any time. Being aware of power games and skillfully avoiding them is becoming enjoyable because it’s advanced knowledge, most people aren’t aware of it and aren’t prepared. I am. It’s there in case someone wants to mark me out as a sucker.

Planning for the future, releasing the past, learning to enjoy the now.


#344

Khan
ST4
Day 7

A short realisation: I’ve still got major healing to do. Feelings of disapproval, alienation, being accused of being wrong (shamed for being me) still bubble up, however they’re about 2/3rds less intense and crippling than before. I doubled up on Elixir and Regeneration to get that thorough healing.

I also realise that despite everything that’s happened, I’m appreciative of what I have - my health, living quarters, a passion in art and a steady living. Trying to look for better is kinda futile - the live I have is the one I was given. No point in wishing otherwise.

Regressing a little regarding assertiveness - couldn’t stand up to certain people (especially in the other city) but I am learning where not to invest in people, to quickly to cut it off and keep it moving. I deserve the best, if you’re not going to give it to me, they’ve got to go…

2020 is the year of the Khan.


#345

Khan ST4
w/ PCC, Regeneration, Elixir
Day 9

Added Elixir to the regular playlist overnight, it is helping a tremendous amount with the gradual clearing out of trauma. I’ve got a ton of healing to do, it’s daunting how large the accumulated shit heap is to tackle. Khan will have to take a back seat for the time being, maybe even replace it with Ascension, as I don’t feel like I yet have the foundation to operate from.

With the success of Regeneration and Elixir, I now feel like I need a purge in a lot of things: emotions, thoughts, even friends, associates and exes. They all need to go. If they’re not for me, they need to go. Even family. I’m not strong enough to just up and leave just yet, but they definitely cannot be in my sphere any longer. They’ve stolen my life, now I have to get it back.


#346

Do you mean to take it off your stack for some time?


#347

@mecharc I’ll possibly run one loop only, then have a Regeneration heavy stack. Healing is the main priority, seeing the great results just wants me to carry on the snowball effect (Xmas pun intended)


#348

Khan Komplete
w/ PCC, Regen, Elixir

Day 8

Elixir overnight is working miracles, removing bits of past trauma one by one, little by little I feel myself recovering. Together with Regeneration my emotional healing is progressing well. Every time I listen is an ethereal release - no more sudden pangs of solar plexus fear - instead there’s a strength and feeling of power and will.

As it’s Christmas, I’m minded that the family will want to hype up the day in an effort to cover up how dysfunctional it is. PCC and Regeneration lets me see the incoming power plays and manipulations and not respond out of anger and fear. I just know there’ll be shaming and guilt tripping coming over how “I’m ruining Christmas” by being selfish and not acting happy and united. Sorry, that ain’t happening. Boundaries are still in place, if I don’t feel it, I’m won’t be lying to preserve a Hallmark Card image for outside consumption. My self-esteem, emotional health and developing independence is much more important than lies.

Returning to painting and I’m extremely pleased with a study piece - using just three colours and white I have a more realistic portrait with harmonious hues and good colour balance. Dare I bring back Ultimate Artist?


#349

Dropping Khan

I have decided to bring back Ascension. I feel Khan ST4 is way too much programming at this moment. I feel it’s unfair to judge ST4 without having a decent foundation first.

Healing and releasing all of my PTSD symptoms from horrific parental and family abuse is now my priority, of which Regeneration and Elixir are doing a brilliant job. Possibly one of the cheapest, most effective abuse recovery subs available.

Subliminal Club products have a way of getting to the core of your being without forcing it and revealing what you really want in life. Not the surface bullshit.

I’m sorry for disappointing those who were following me hoping for a feel good story of unlimited sex, money and power. I wanted those too, truly. I’ve decided recovering and strengthening my real self is much more important.


Self Development Road Map
#350

It’s better to be decisive and just do it!(you) rather than asking for other people’s approval (me).
Keep it going! Don’t stop the journals though!


#351

Ascending for real:

First day at my new workplace, and I’m a little nervous as I’m performing under the spotlight of several managers. However they welcomed me with open arms and were patient with me (which I totally wasn’t used to - people wanting the best for me). I’ve been promoted from another place and seeing my former work colleagues got me a little bit nostalgic and realised that this step up was for real.

I’m finding that I’m still letting little things slide with people. There is this big bully colleague who pushed his way through colleagues to get stock - the same one who a few months ago physically imposed himself over my counter to steal away my customers. I’ll have to watch how Ascension works on me regarding this.

Either way, I celebrated my first day with a foot long Subway sandwich :smiley:

Key realisations:

  • I can’t control how other people will react to me.
  • I can emotionally disconnect from them without taking on their own self hate.
  • I’m dedicated to healing my own inner stuff.
  • I’m treating myself with self respect.
  • I like myself more and more
  • I’m developing my independence step by step

Self Development Road Map
#352

@mecharc I genuinely thought about quitting journaling due to feeling too embarrassed… :see_no_evil:


#353

I had thought of quitting too, when everyone started hating on me! But like saint sovereign said " running away defeats the purpose of the subs we are using"… On other news, I have cut down on obsessing over opening new threads!


#354

@Michel I read your whole journal and still reading every new entry. It was and is very very helpful for me to follow your progress. It helps me to sort and compare my expierences.
I dropped KHAN. I dropped Alchemist and now iam running Empv4&QL. I also didnt found the right sub for me but we all reaped benefits from the subs we used. Keep on! No need to feel embarrassed.


#355

@Hannibal thank you for that, it’s reassuring to know you’re reading this journal and is helping you in some way. Finding the right sub is crucial, going for the “Hollywood” subs without a decent foundation is asking for trouble.


#356

Reconciliation is hitting again, so it’s time to reflect on the subs aims and to get a refresher on my goals.

Ascension will help me:

  • develop genuine deep self confidence
  • becoming self reliant emotionally
  • become charismatic
  • be respected and admired for who I am
  • increase romantic attraction
  • exude strength, confident and self-respect.
  • discover your personal mission in life

For the first time on Subliminal Club, I can confidently say yes to all of these goals.

Becoming self reliant:
OH BOY! That’s the biggest challenge and the most profound change so far on Ascension. Not looking to “mother” or “family” or society or ANYONE for permission to do anything. It’s like opening the doors to prison.

Standing up for myself finally:
One of those try-hard teen boys started coughing loudly upon immediate sight of me (meaning “I don’t like the look of you”). But instead of verbally asserting my right to exist, I simply and calmly walked past him, whilst invading his space, to show him I will not be intimidated and shamed out of existence. I deserve to exist.

Increase romantic attraction:
I find the attraction from women confusing and honestly a little irritating. Whilst on Khan, it felt like I was chasing shadows - the more I looked for female attention, the more I lost focus from my own self. Now that I’m actively NOT looking, THERE THEY ARE - and it’s not by mistake.

Rediscover my personal mission in life:
Painting is back! I couldn’t stay away, but the constant disappointments were gut wrenchingly bad. Now I’m slowly picking up the brushes again and enjoying myself.


#357

Maybe someone can chime in: I’m not certain how to balance the status of Khan with my old dating techniques.

Now that the dynamic has changed I need a new way of interacting


#358

I have no idea. Maybe try online dating?

Try this thread Online, Text & Social Media Game Tactics

and Everything Alpha thread 💪 for books on dating.


#359

@Michel brother can u please detail your reason for changing to asc? Doesn’t khan cover all of it and more?


#360

@mecharc

Simply that Ascension fits my needs much better. It develops confidence and status rapidly with much of Khan’s aims included.

With Regeneration clearing the past successfully, I then needed to feel confident at a deep basic level. Ascension does this quickly.

Ascension is what I need right now, along with PCC I’ll be protecting my self-esteem with my life.


#361

It’s interesting that you dropped khan as I did so myself along with all sub club subliminals. This is mainly why I’m not on here anymore. As a person with tremendous anxiety as well as social anxiety khan and all the other subliminals that I bought did not help me with my anxiety issues. They have helped me with drive and ambition and manifesting money but anxiety is still is a huge issue. Anxiety has held me back my entire life and though I’ve seen progress from using sub club, until I handle and figure out my anxiety nothing will truly change for me. on st3 as the days passed It became a constant welcoming feeling to make things happen and manifest my destiny, the problem was my anxiety held me back from taking legit action. So the longer I didn’t take action but felt the constant urge to i started to become depressed and frustrated on how I’m 29 and anxiety still has me by the balls. So I made the decision though difficult because I spent a lot of money in buying sub club subliminals but I made the decision that it’s not best for me to use these sublimals for now. I need to focus on my anxiety and handle it so I’ve had to look elsewhere.
Hopefully with ascension You get the results and success that you want with it !