Total Pick Up Chicks Breakdown
Man, there were times I wanted to quit Khan, because it was getting tough to handle. Even having a near panic attack from holding two competing ideas at the same time. One more night of Khan solved this.
I’m also going to put the art on hold for now. The path to getting a career going is full of rejections, near misses and disinterest. It’s probably not meant for me, can’t take anymore failure.
- seeing a crocodile with a huge beard (!),
- seeing the US Chief of Staff ordering his Virginia mansion to be bombed by Harrier jets because he had enough of fixing his faulty plumbing…
Taking my Power back:
Another thing is I’m now seem to have a bullshit detector. I know when someone is low key manipulating me to be someone else’s slave, and throw it back at them. Unfortunately this comes from family, who installed all the faulty “give love to get love”, “serve your mother always”, “think of others before yourself”, “keep quiet” “you’re inferior to us” conditioning that is getting stripped off.
My gym sessions are steady, might add in boxing, because there’s always one dude that thinks he can start shit.
Yes, it’s a category that I’ve sworn off for a long time and vowed never to return. But it’s happening too regularly to not notice. Women are paying attention and getting sexually excited. Several girls who I work with have this deer-in-headlights look when I talk to them. REALLY friendly, like “being sad that I’m not around for a while” friendly. Another girl made a double take sexual comment behind me at lunch, that could have been for me.
Even at the art gallery where I got upset, I forgot that one very attractive brunette was keeping an eye on me.
I am… sad that the old me is fading away from view every day I listen to Khan. My long held identity as a shy, weak, constant failure at life is morphing into something very exciting. Week one, done.