Finding my True North


#402

Nothing like being oppressed to learn about power first hand…

The Prince was more of a “Assholes for Dummies” guide book for nice guys, so I don’t really associate Machiavelli with being a backstabbing turd. Seeing the chess game and making your own moves to guard against assholes is why I run PCC.


#403

Reliable respect:
My self esteem is still holding up. When I don’t listen to Regeneration or Elixir for one night, I get mini triggered by others. When I’m back on it, it’s fine, in fact better. It just means that I be always working on myself and my inner traumas until I can start take the training wheels off.
I can feel the Ascension respect I’m giving off and getting the same respect back without the interference from past trauma.

Heal the child first:
Saw an awesome comment on a forum that gave advice to a victim of childhood abuse. He stated that before you can build social power, self esteem and be alpha - you MUST address how you were raised. He gave Mike Tyson as a brilliant example of a person who had the money, status and power, yet emotionally he was still that 5 year old boy crying to be loved unconditionally. Tyson’s wounds made him an easy target for the unscrupulous women who preyed on his need to be loved.

Mini Machiavelli
Stood up for myself by being a little PCC snake with my supervisor at my other part time work, who all of sudden decided to shit on all of us before our shift. Considering that we already know what to do and we’re dilligent good workers, it was completely out of the blue, so I said that much to him.

So, to get them back, I pulled two mini PCC power moves, which happened automatically:

  • Same supervisor wanted my signature on paper, so I wrote it on his back!
  • End of shift, returning my uniform back to the wrong counter and putting up a bit of a huff, which the counter person in charge took it and walked right walk across the room to do so!
more PCC stuff

PCC is supposed to be smooth, apparently we’re executing the script and don’t even know it. I certainly feel cool calm and collected. But I couldn’t tell you exactly what I was doing to avoid being someone’s little bitch. But little acts of insubordination and sarcasm seem to be part of the arsenal.
I’m amazed that those two acts happened, especially #2. The counter guy didn’t need to take it upon himself to do that, but was maybe put under pyschological pressure by me. Again unconsciously.
Also, this one woman co-worker tried to make me her bitch by constantly ordering me to do stuff, yet I kept coming up with subtle counter measures to mitigate her manipulation attempts.
PCC - defensive AND offensive!


#404

Short update:
Starting to wean myself off the healing subs, playing more Ascension and watching how I react without the safety blanket. A few undesirable actions, but the feeling of asserting my right to exist against those who invalidate me is emerging.


#405

Reconciliatory speaking:
I’m a man in his late 30s still living at home with my abusive mother, slightly overweight in the gut, hairy face, smelly, no obvious future prospects and earning peanuts. My self image appears to be in the toilet. What woman would even bother looking at me right now? I can now see this for myself. I’m a long way from being “high value”.

I ain’t mad at myself, just see the truth.


#406

One foot a head of the other bro.


#407

I am no pro or expert with women. But I’ll offer something I need to hear myself.

Women go with ugly, out of shape guys since those guys have enough courage and confidence to actually approach them, talk to them, open them up, and let the girl know they’re fine in their own skin–that they’re not seeking… a mother. They accept themselves, and that frequently spreads out to others. Accepting oneself speaks volumes more than knowledge of right words or actions. You would become a magnet around girls if you were–Michel–with yourself first, and to them… I know you’ll do just fine.

Cheers :+1:


#408

Many Truths are just Frames.

Scroll to the top and read the first 100 posts.

Same YOU could be High Value right NOW.

Give your mind another Truth to Reconcile.

This is one of the benefits of journaling. :wink:


#409

The new order:
Ok so taking actions sometimes means leaving the house to go out and about.
Here comes the frame change, @Simon
Ascension has turned me into a boss.

Ascension is no nonsense hardcore masculinity, respect and PRESENCE!
Open and relaxed body language, not scared of anyone. A bad boy look and an attitude of “fuck all y’all”. I’m still polite and courteous, but I’m not everybody’s friend.
Men get the message and don’t try anything sneaky, but it scares a few women off. Oh well, but who wants that anyway?

Personal benefits:

  • not emotionally available to everybody,
  • no catering to anybody
  • no chasing anybody, refusing to try to change anyone’s opinion of me,
  • no need to prove jack shit to anyone
  • minding and looking after my own path
  • disapproving of those who hate on me,
  • finally treating myself like I matter.

After a month the results are even better this time round without the past trauma noise.
Regeneration has done most of its work, it’s taught me that I am already enough, I’m already worthy by myself and I matter. The 2 month long clean out has been extremely beneficial for Ascension to work much better than before.

I was wrong. I am a boss.


#410

That’s encouraging!


#411

One month of Ascension
Completed one calendar month of Ascension and I can now see for myself how much I’ve grown into a man others fear and respect.

Handled a relatively stressful work day, drunks singing in the bar isn’t conducive to counting money, that’s for sure. Standing up to rude customers without anger and emotionally putting up the wall of if others aren’t receptive to me (PCC helping here a lot).

One dude walked towards me with absolute rage in his eyes, just one look from me, he immediately changed into giving respect. I never tire of it.

Family misfortunes
Family do not want me to have anything, they want me to scrape and beg them for scraps. It threatens their propaganda about me as the bad seed if they were to treat me as an equal. I’m angry that “family” would treat me the same as a leper, According to them I’m the evil one. Disheartening.

Return to the academy
Well it’s time to bring back an old favourite. Since the majority of people including family find it hard to respect me, I will now DEMAND it from others. Add in a certain supercharger and it’s now time to take 2020 by the horns.


#412

Which supercharger? Commandant?


#413

The Khan Academy is back.
As good and fast-acting as Ascension is, the dominance and respect getting was a little bit too serious for my personality, with others mostly fearing my presence. Ascension proved to me that the trauma healing of Regeneration was thorough enough to allow the foundation alpha sub to work at 100%. However my personality doesn’t suit such a serious program. I read descriptions of Emperor and imagine it’s exactly like that.

So it’s time to enrol in the Khan Academy once again. This time with a supercharger addition - the one to rule them all - The Commander. (@subliminalguy you guessed right!)


Kommander Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete
Day 1

Now playing Khan ST4 for the rest of the year along with PCC, Commander. Regeneration will also be in the mix as an honorary version of ST1.

Immediately back to feeling like my usual friendly, playful, dominant self and looking forward to massive results in the coming months ahead. But will the aims of PCC (indirect social influence) clash with the more direct Commander?


#414

This is interesting. Aren’t you a little curious how far it can go for you? Like if the seriousness will level off and you’ll integrate it more?


#415

@elementary_vision No. I didn’t like the feeling of being emotionally closed off to everybody. Boundaries are important but this was too much.


#416

I can understand that. Just didn’t think Khan had that much of a contrast, I thought if anything it would be more serious.


#417

I may have changed, but Ascension was cake compared to the shutoff I’ve felt from Emperor. Emperor has been making anger surface too much and I feel not in control. I was angry at first on Ascension, but the good feeling of freedom outshined the distance I took on initially.

Sorry to hear about your results like that @Michel . It makes me wonder why some react so strongly to Ascension’s message.

And to be fair, last week while running Emperor, I had a clear recognition of Ascension’s message, something I’d not seen or felt before. It was a dejavu of times running Ascension. Maybe the tension I’ve felt has been from the Emperor scripting, as I wasn’t angry when I noticed this. Challenged? Yes. Angry? No.


#418

@elementary_vision @subliminalguy
The rock solid respect I was getting on Ascension was brilliant, but it was also isolating.

Regarding the anger from others, it was a typical response to my rising status, in reaction it also pushed me to keep to myself and absolutely not be too friendly or give too much of myself to others.
But it was too serious and I became too insular. It was not a road I wanted to go down.

Ascension is extremely powerful, the independence training inside is worthwhile @subliminalguy I completely understand why you went for it.

Khan somehow feels easier to handle, even though it’s a much bigger script I’m more in tune with its aims and its lessons. Standing up to a workplace female bully was the highlight.

It might all be reconciliation talk but I’ll have to see.


#419

@Michel - this is just so cool. Very soon Kommander Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete will have loads of Kash and his own huge Kondo


#420

@raphael then I’ll be Killing it.

Kommander Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete
Day 2

Ahhh that feels better…

More laid-back, dominant and socially calibrated. With Commander I’ve had to adjust what I said out loud in order for it not to be a command. I’ll ease into it eventually…

Went skating in my neighborhood, there were at least three women on the ice showing IOIs, then chilled in the cafe, one mature woman also catching glimpses…
I see now why women crave a bad boy: excitement, unpredictability, irrational self belief, options…

Khan really should have been called Playboy. Or even Hefner… Very promising restart, cleaner programming, decent results within one day. Looking forward to more Khan shenanigans.


#421

Kommander Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete
Day 3

Was mean mugged out of nowhere by a dude staring at me, so I stared back at him. Turned out he feared me taking his girlfriend. Don’t they realise a Khan has options?

Resistance my old friend

Throat and solar plexus chakras are being activated.

Throat chakra has a big block. I have a strong inner beliefs of:

  • No-one wants to hear what I have to say.
  • Keeping quiet is safer than being beaten
  • My viewpoint doesn’t matter
  • I’m not allowed to speak to stand up for myself

Solar plexus is about personal power. Discovering my own power is literally making me sick. Nausea being helped with essential oils. The question from the Kommander “why am I so powerful” hasn’t found an answer, one that can be spoken out loud safely yet…