Finding my True North


#482

Korruption Khan Korrupt Komplete
Day 26

Nag nag nag…
Total Breakdown is starting to behave like a nagging wife (©™ @Simon) whispering constant questions in my ear all day: are you sure about that? what about this belief? you do know that’s horseshit, right? do you really want to be like that for ever? God, shut up already…

Master and slave bitch
At work I got absolutely schooled by a super alpha male, who I’ll call Big Bald Motherfucker. I tried taking the initiative, taking the lead for the group, Big Bald Motherfucker shut me down hard: "this is the schedule and you WILL comply"

Deflated, frustrated and prompted by ST1 and it’s endless questions, I decided to take one of those MBTI personality tests that @raphael* have been talking about for a while. I expected some bullshit inaccurate answer…

Well, turns out that I’m an ISFP, and it’s spot on af.

it confirmed my response to work. I’m in the wrong environment, I absolutely detest being forcibly controlled, lack of meaningful work and noisy events are stressful to the system. It also explains my difficult reaction to Ascension.

So next steps are aligning myself more with things that support rather than conflict hard against my nature.

*my sympathies for INTJ folk, life must be hard.


#483

Oh Khan St1 is a bitch. 3 months in, it is still one. But what really helps is journaling, bringing all your thoughts to paper.

What is holding me back? What is St1 working on right now? Why am I feeling frustrated?

I certainly had the most breakthroughs while doing that, really digging deep about one’s behaviours and habits. But we all are busy and I surely don’t have the time to journal every day myself. So what I really want to recommend you is recording yourself just talking. Talking about your day, your problems, your feelings. I am just starting doing that but I am seeing the benefits already. It might be even more effective as you just talk without filter (when you write one always often tries to make it sounds cool). Letting all of that garbage out, and it takes only 3-10 minutes.

After that, summarizing your breakthroughs and thinks to do better is an extra nice bonus. All of this will take you max. 15 mins instead of writing for hours on end.

Anyway, good progress @Michel.

PS, the bold ones are always the biggest douchebags.


#484

Good idea @friday to record oneself in voice, although half of what I say would be full of swear words :hushed:

Forgot to mention how disgusted I was with a father when he made a prejudiced joke to his children about the corona virus. Made me realise how lucky I am to be able to appreciate living in such a diverse, international city.

The ISFP’s motto is “friends from everywhere”


#485

Hahaha that’s the point of it at all. No filters. You will make many new observations about yourself very quickly. I, for example, noticed that while I was working 10 hours I fell in a slight “depression” every day. Sometimes my morning was bad and my evening amazing, or after a super productive amazing day, I came home ate junk food and procrastinated until I fell asleep. But I had only few incidents where my day from waking up to sleeping was amazing. I wouldn’t have noticed this without recording myself.
Also, I did notice when and why I was procrastinating. More on this here:

You may notice when and why you get frustrated and what it is that ST1 is working on.

By the way, do you document your dreams?


#486

would you mind giving a quick review for the mogul part in Ascended Mogul?


#487

cool guy. :sunglasses:


#488

Yes, although they are so gross/bizarre that they will stay offline. Interpretations are personal too. If I get an insight I’ll post it here.

This month is crucial for healing deep beliefs, is the ideal time to do it now for astrological reasons. ST1 is a bummer but necessary.


#489

Good question:

  • Increased knowledge of spending and saving
  • Basic money management
  • Cutting out spending unnecessary junk
  • Actively saving money
  • Looking for new money making opportunities
  • Free money dropped on floor
  • Manifested work when short on cash
  • More money in the bank

Mogul is also in Khan, as I’ve just signed up to a new agency with increased work opportunities. It’s a good, disciplined program.


#490

Thank you. You are getting nice effects


#491

I think the effects depend from person to person as the programs from subliminalclub are said to not be scripted in one particular way. That would mean each one of us would go about being a mogul differently depending on there subconscious beliefs of how a mogul goes about with money.

It’s very similar for everyone though and I do have to say that I’m getting similar effects from running Ascended Mogul.


#492

Read this entire journal from beginning to end yesterday to get myself motivated. Very inspirational and insightful, @Michel!


#493

Today I had a breakthrough:

you mean to say, I’m NOT a monster?

ST1 is acting more like a kind counsellor who’s gently questioning my bullshit:

How dare you suggest that I’m NOT a dirty, evil piece of shit.

The mind’s too stubborn to let it go yet… :sweat:

Why did I accept such crappy treatment in the past?
I deserved it. On some level, I said yes. Now I’m saying no.

Did the one positive thing this week: sign up for a new agency. This means yet more earning opportunities with flexible hours. This was prompted by an encounter with my current work reps, who stopped being friendly and flexible. I like to banter and joke with people, but the mood changed recently. So a new start!

No more loyalty to people who are:

  • Difficult
  • Unfriendly
  • Do not value me the same
  • Aggressive asshole jerkoffs
  • Inflexible

Oh look, there’s a Law for that…


#494

What’s your plan for how long you’ll listen to ST1 this time? Did you read the book 48 Laws of Power?


#495

Only briefly of the book and reviews that critique the Laws, to get a rounded perspective. I’m more of a visual learner so YouTube videos work better for learning.

ST1 for as long as it’s working, and I don’t know long for.
@friday mentioned long term cleansing in waves of 2 months, then a plateau, then brand new stuff to cleanse.
ST1 is just as effective as a counsellor.


#496

I’d say more than effective. Subs work on our undisclosed thoughts, the very ones we hide from. And those thoughts direct our day-to-day life.


#497

Yes, ST1 has been incredible for me. I’ve been making progress at a rate I could’ve only dreamed of prior to discovering it. I was not as optimistic about being able to change before.


#498

Khan Academy

Total Breakdown/Komplete
Day 29

ST1 - absolutely necessary and needed. Yes it sucks ass and it weakens you. But once cleared, it gets better.

Nostalgia revisited
Remembering all the things I did in my youth by myself and how it really reflected my freedom. Taking trips to European cities solo, trying out stuff like acting and swimming, even very negative situations like school had certificates of merit. I had dismissed all of those mini successes because I believed the absolute worst about myself.

Aims:
Going to do things that I enjoyed as a child more.

Random stuff
A few looks from a few women on the train. Also went for a workplace assessment in a group, kept dropping stuff on the floor and not giving a fuck.
A few male haters (especially when surrounded by women) but since ST1 has removed most triggers, I give less of a fuck.

Dreams:
Entering a hall which contains several rooms, like a hotel. Two are empty, one is occupied with a couple having sex…


#499

It’s good to hear this feedback on ST1. I’m on EOG ST1, but I’m having successes myself in the midst of it. I’ll go share it; you motivated me. Thanks.


#500

Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete

Total Breakdown/Komplete
Day 30

The rebirth
Feeling of returning back to my original, unsullied self before the abuse and neglect got to me at age 7. That’s a long time to take to finally wake up. I’ll never be free of my past, but the present can still be written.
Now that the way is clear, what am I going to do with it?

Physical evidence
My life long big waist is finally going down. Losing weight gradually from 42" max to 36" > 34". Tallies well with the increase in self confidence.

ST1 smash
Getting horny now on ST1 which doesn’t make sense… How can it go from feeling like shit to wanting to bang?


#501

I so get that. Being on EOG points me toward successes, past and present, but the self-beliefs are what keep revealing themselves, and many are not desirable. And to be honest, I’m realizing that part of me is holding on to them–like it’s my (sick) comfort zone and identity.

For example, I’m continuing a step today to withdraw some of my earnings. Today I felt inadequate, unsteady, fearful of self-sabotage thinking, and fearful I am not holding on to relationships at work which I’ve relied on for the last 4 years. In short, I’m not sure how to do this separation thing.

I know it began when working with a new employee who does not care about what he produces. I saw a man (and I saw myself in him) who just started, but is too damn proud and stubborn to…care about himself or his customers. I know I identified with his actions and self-beliefs, and I internally rejected him, and thus, myself too. So, during the one hour I worked with him, I slowly began getting disgusted with him. And also myself since I’d identified with his attitude.

I think (or know) I tried to be in someone else’s reality instead of my own. I felt scared and looked for old strategies today which I used regularly in the past, and being in someone else’s world today didn’t pay off.