Finding my True North


#585

Massive realisations
I’m having some deep life changing realisations, each one a layer getting to the real root of things:

Switch and save?
It’s messing me up with the switching, the questions of does Khan/PS actually fit my personality and the reconciliation of “I can be a master seducer, but do I really, REALLY want it?”.

Swinging between the A personality programs StarkQ and PCC (which I greatly prefer) and the B personality sexual energy from Primal Seduction. Maybe I do want to be a pretty wallflower, but PS does make approaching and flirting with women easier, like super easy… Can’t decide between the both of them.

Primal "Selfishness"
Becoming more oblivious to others - I walked in front of some guy who was queuing who got a bit pissed. Also getting a little cocky at work, gently pushing others to work.

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to lose my sensitivity and compassion to others by becoming more self centric. But giving and giving is not healthy at all.

Sometimes you gotta take, sometimes you gotta say NO. Sometimes you gotta let others crash into the tree.

Taking responsibility for being prosperous
I don’t know what to do with all this money. Usual answer is to get rid of it. Anyway you can. Earn less, spend it on stupid shit or just give it away. Never comfortable with having things that belong just for me. It’s not allowed. I wasted a lot of money…


I CAN have it all to myself - it’s not narcissistic, it’s not selfish.


#586

Stack update:
StarkQ with extra PCC, Primal Seduction

Decided to stick with StarkQ and drop KHAN for the time being. The charming, slightly cocky social dandy with the primal sexual edge is the way to go. Can’t be bothered with fighting off other alpha male jerkoffs.

Primal Seduction is starting to kick in with me just automatically seeing a female colleague I like and just talking (at work, so no pickup). My reactions, similar to the Iron Throne thread, was they became shy, deferring and a few IOIs. These are usually confident, self assured, self accomplished women that are having that Bambi eyes reaction. I even asked one woman which country she comes from, with quite a lot of attraction and a bit of banter. Way I see it, I’m building up “macking” skills in a safe environment for when lockdown ends.
Only thing is reconciliation and a change in self image: got scared of being thought of as a sexual predator, especially at work…

Otherwise work and life is better once I decide the line between “mine” and “yours”. I’ll help out, but only when “mine” comes first.

Both the Aegis and StarkQ subs have been life changing. Before the COVID, I felt lost, underpaid, screwed over, fearful of the future and helpless to change myself.
Now, I’m strong, I can look after myself, I deserve to have things, I’ve always been charming, I have something to offer the world, I fit in, no longer hope for shitty deals to get better.


#587

Chilled Stark
Looking back at the past week, it has been chilled. I haven’t lost my shit at the various challenges - even when some drunk boarded my bus and started hurling racist abuse. Even the nurses who blew up on me last week have steered clear, hopefully out of shame.

The key is not to feed the beasts.
Keep practicing self healing and ho’oponopono (works on triggers) and let these people crash into the tree themselves.

Respect on StarkQ is great, people calling me boss without others trying to instigate trouble. Starting convos with (mostly) female staff. Being charming and funny with COVID patients. Getting respect. StarkQ is the way to go.

The Khan experience introduced me to the primal alpha “gorilla” types, ones who go round intimidating others into respecting them. That’s not my way, nor do I want to enter into a pissing contest with every alpha asshole I meet. Sod that.

Not sure how New Beginnings is supposed to work on StarkQ. Feeling an emotional release in the body. Many times I’ve felt that pulsing and tightening of the chest, thought I’d caught COVID again. It’s hopefully heart clearing, otherwise I might fire up AEGIS again.

And now, the StarkQ Terminus challenge. 1x loop nightly, stacked with PCC, Primal Seduction. Will note initial results when back at work.


#588

I’ve had this too. Usually it’s starts in my stomach and rises up in my chest. It feels like an energy wants to explode out of there.


#589

Hardening the shell

If my new found charisma doesn’t protect me from manipulative people, then PCC-Q will outright neutralise them before they start.

An older mother figure coworker at hospital often issues me commands like “go get this, fetch me this, do this” which is fine because I’m asking myself “what can I also get for this?”. But sometimes she jokingly says “Boy! Go get this! Boy, go stand in the lunch queue for me”. Once I see there’s no benefit FOR ME, I flat out refuse. Zero fucks. She then cries "you’re a bad boy!" “Bad son!”.

No More Mr Nice Bitch

It’s great. People used to get one over me fairly easily. But now with this new soft social awareness and charisma, I sense that other men see me and don’t want to AMOG me or try pulling a fast one. I’m far too aware and I can/will speak up.

No More Mr Nice Guy details this in Chapter 4: Getting What You Really Want. I’ve started to take my own needs into account. It doesn’t mean I will never be giving again - but learning to also TAKE for me. “But DATZ SELFISH!!!” Yes it is!

Sexual healing

With other areas nicely lining up, StarkQ has made me look at my non existent sexual life and finally revive the cold corpse and kick it into life. PSQ/SMX, one loop nightly, see what the results are.


#590

That was an inspiring post Michel. :+1:


#591

Thank you @subliminalguy!


#592

Hold up she actually says that out loud? That’s weird man. That would have me internally cringing so bad.


#593

@elementary_vision in front of my colleagues as well… To be fair she is of Asian extraction, maybe it’s a culture thing…


#594

[Stacked] StarkQ Terminus

StarkQ Terminus - Q but turnt up.

Holy shit, it is intense. Even more intense than just Q which is already fuckin’ intense. One loop is enough for the day. Holy shit man. In the future I imagine we’ll all have bio USB ports installed directly into our neo cortex with Q subs downloaded directly. (@Fire is working on it as we speak…)

Reading back the No More Mr Nice Guy book and being pleased with actually accomplishing the task of putting myself first (or at least acknowledging that I have needs). The next step is to be a man, fully and unapologetically.

To enhance the romance aspects of StarkQ I’ve added PS/SMX to the mix. Can’t help thinking of @elme’s fantastic results with Sex Mastery X.

I’m looking sharp and sexy. I’m dressing to impress and arouse, this time without shying away from my sexuality. Early results are some of the 7s and 8s nurses are starting to pay attention. I’ve even got a few of the senior Sisters coy and smiling when I say something funny.

StarkQ Terminus early results:
Extreme nonchalance, everything is going to be alright, hate me, come at me bro, whatever. Rolling into work chilled and shit. Self assured and confidence.

Surprising change is that I’m eating better too, taking vitamins, drinking apple vinegar water (yuck) and not going too mad on sweets. Not sure if that’s part of the StarkQ script?


#595

Same happened to me since listening to StarkQ, so I would confirm this a result of the subliminal making you take care of yourself to reach optimal levels


#596

Wow great results my friend, in case your doing that you should also check immune system boosts to incorporate on your daily routine. What do you want to accomplish with this sub? Also do you feel like you need to work out? Just seeing if spartan was in it :slight_smile:

The new version of Sex Mastery seems more smoother, but again ill update you on the results.

Im cheering up for your success!!! :pray::pray::muscle::muscle:


#597

Funny you say that, I’m so desperate to work out in the gym, once lockdown has finished. Didn’t know Spartan was part of StarkQ too. Nice surprises!

Just reread your Sex Mastery Journal again @elme and thinking “my man!”.


Main Dev. Thread - StarkQ
#598

Pimp training:

At the hospital entrance, this blonde retracted her lips when seeing me, caught a glimpse walking towards me, then she did a massive hair flip as we passed each other.
Of course I also get the girls that fake the funk, whipping out their cell phone…

Predator meets prey

I fucked up a lunch order by mixing up two patients, a fairly ballsy student nurse who I’ve taken a liking to rubs it in: "you only have two patients! (how are you getting it wrong?) I retorted “shut up you!” to her laughing.

On leaving, I throw a paper ball at her, she snaps back “hope you don’t get the lunches wrong tomorrow…” I’ll admit, she got me. That did cut deep… Despite that, I’m kinda proud of her anyway.

The art career is dead

Sadly attempts to revive the art corpse fell flat again: rejected for another project… I must accept that it’s over. The new life is of service to others, working at hospital feels right in my soul.


#599

Life of a PS/SMX listener

Monday: ALL DA GIRLS! ALL DA GIRLS! DAFUQ!
Thursday: meh, not really bothered…

Hoping it’s to do with not needing their approval rather than reconciliation/switching tendency.

I’ve been getting more IOIs from a few blondes, I’ve been expecting them to have an attitude, but I speak to them and they turn a little shy. I’ve also been getting “that look” from a few in their 40s.

Taking care of myself, been power napping on the job to mitigate serving two wards last minute. But by taking action, starting by working earlier and planning in advance - I finished early and with more energy.

Taking the Piss

Having a colleague mocking me by pointing out that I’ve gained a little weight, even going so far as to grope my belly. “He’s going to end up like [another colleague with a beer belly]” and getting his friends to laugh at me.

However the second time he did this, I refused to laugh along and cut it short by asking him where the sugar was. But reframed it by saying “Not that kind of sugar, girl, calm down…”. Hopefully that’s the end of the “banter”. When someone feels comfortable taking the piss, gotta tap back.

Playing favourites

Everybody is born equal. Then God starts playing favourites - Vic Mackey (The Shield)

I don’t want to be playing favourites because Everybody Is Equal™ :rainbow:. But there’s no way I’m letting others who have had a bad day and feel it’s ok to dump their anger onto me - get away without repercussions.

I’ll have to re-examine my boundaries with these people and shut off those who have their cards marked.

Can I find value in myself? - @subliminalguy


#600

Skills.

I nominate this as one of your theme songs.

I should have included the slow motion walk away from the explosion. Next time.


#601

Okay. Couldn’t resist.

Here’s the Director’s cut of ‘Michel Shutting Sh*t Down at Work’.


#602

p.s. Yes, I know.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.


#603

Title sorted for next journal :sweat_smile::joy::sunglasses:


#604

@malkuth: