Finding my True North


#605

The metaphysical question is: does the “problem” solve another…?


#606

indeed.

today, the problem entertained me, and gave me a break from working. :slight_smile:


#607

Do I actually deserve it?

If the world outside is a reflection of the inside, then I’m rich, biatch!

Another limiting belief uncovered by StarkQ “I don’t deserve prosperity” I was treated like a VIP at lunchtime by several (very charitable) furloughed staff working for the airlines in a charity give back for our COVID efforts. I fought the voice inside saying “this isn’t for people like me", "you don’t deserve this”. Then I decided that if it’s good enough for my colleagues, it’s good enough for me.

Passion always pays off

I keep getting gifted with food and treats, like a LOT of food. Whereas with the aborted art career I kept getting rejected.
I’ve come to the conclusion that if you’re doing the work God called you to do, you’ll be richly rewarded.

The SubClub journey revealed to me the painful truth that fame as an artist is a dead end. I wanted it badly, but the prophetic symbolic dream of bombing the Virginia mansion with the leaking plumbing said otherwise. It’s over. The Leo cycle of creativity and lovers is done. I had to leave what I built behind. The. New cycle of Virgo is here, it’s service to others, taking details and organising them, taking what I’ve learnt and applying them in a practical way.


#608

Mackin’ ain’t necessary

On a happier note, I initiated and had two decent length conversations with women on the job: first one was a student nurse colleague who is about to graduate from nursing school. I asked her why she was a nurse: “why not?” she said.

The other was a stewardess furloughed from her airline. I simply led with questions about themselves and how much they love their job. The stewardess broke herself away for a minute, but then spoke with other staff whilst facing me with IOIs.

Talking to women is easy, I couldn’t believe it was so difficult in the past. Macking isn’t really necessary, when she’s interested. Hit them with the raw sexual aura, then any conversation will have them all excited.

Shutting Sh*t Down - Part 2

Being NHS staff is no shield against being discriminated against.

Stopped in the supermarket for appearing to pay for two items when I had three. The security guard said: “excuse me, you had three items there, you didn’t pay for them” I showed him the third item, which was an store branded product from another supermarket. I simply took out the item, pointed to it and said: “since when did your shop change its name?” and walked out.


#609

Should’ve also hit him with “You want to follow me to my car to make sure I didn’t steal that too?” Just for that extra zing.


#610

Standing in Power

Facing the outside world and my self esteem is holding up very well, even in the face of disapproval of other men and women. Being watched as a sexual threat by men and one girl giving me a looking-down disapproving look.
When StarkQ gives a purpose in life, no-one else can touch you.

Shutting Sh*t Down at Work - Part 3

Unbelievably the work colleague repeated the same lame joke about my stomach (which hasn’t been expanding, btw) to his female clique. "He had a six pack, now it’s a family pack!" So I took the piece of paper I had, rolled it up and pointed it at him: “he had a full head of hair when he started, now look at him

If he’s not careful, I’m going to have to, reluctantly, pimp slap this mufugga PCC-style.


#611

That guy is seriously jealous of you, with his display of beta simp behaviour. Good for you keeping your cool and making and even better comeback statement. He will learn soon enough, not to fuck with you. Great to see how well Stark and PCC work, from this info in your journal. All the best to you on your journey Michel.


#612

@morpheus thanks a million, much appreciated. You’re on to something, it is jealousy. Never thought that StarkQ would have it’s own set of reactions. I’m actually more sad for the people around him that joined in with the laughter.

PCC really delivers it’s money’s worth, gives one soft social powerhouse.

I should have said “don’t worry, the next time you’ll see this stomach is on your wife’s back”.

Too harsh?


#613

Yes. Sounds like someone who is trying to protect against competition.


#614

The “Alpha Male” is Dead

  • You can lead without abusing your staff
  • You can socially dominate without bullying others
  • You can get respect without threatening violence
  • You can hold your own within the hierarchy
  • You can be secure in yourself without demeaning others
  • You can be in good shape without peacocking in the gym
  • You can get the girl without being disrespectful
  • You can have a good life without immaturely showing off

The Alpha Male Asshole is Dead. Long live the Socially Powerful Man.


#615

End of the “Chase”

I’ve gone completely off of chasing for female validation.

I’m not going after the two nurses I was attracted to, nor doing anything special to be “attractive”. I’ve cleaned out the chidhood-era lingering body trauma linked to needing a female’s (mother’s) love to finally “right the wrongs”. No longer. I’ve just completely stopped.

I’ve been unconsciously chasing the wrong type of women - those who could only offer breadcrumbs and pigeon feed. Like a automatic, primal drive for validation. I’d rather have a feast by myself, thanks.

The energy has gone back into me, for my goals and purposes. I don’t know if I’ll ever be interested in women and “relationships” now.


#616

Terminal decline

Last few days I’ve been absolutely fucked. A wave of tiredness and confusion just suddenly hit me and made me mess up my lunch orders. I felt unusually withdrawn, weak, sad and wanting to cry buckets.
First thing I thought was “must be reconciliation from New Beginnings”. But a work colleague also suddenly felt weak and lethargic and had to go home early. I hope it’s nothing to do with COVID-19. AEGIS might get another play.

Fourth time lucky

For three days straight, this big ol’ supermarket security guard has been following me around the store to see if I’ve been up to no good. This is despite me wearing hospital scrubs and an ID badge.

After the third time, I felt angry and powerless to do anything. Instead of wanting to go all ham on a guy twice the size of me, instead I sat with the feeling of injustice and fear. I visualised all that dark heavy feeling disappearing out of my body and replacing it with peace.

The next time I went into the same superstore, I prepared for the worst, but I wasn’t followed once, not even stopped for having two items from another store. Relief all around.


#617

Month and a half of StarkQ

Taking time away from work to evaluate the effects in “normal” civvy life:

  • Calm and grounded solid like a motherfucker.
  • I have a right to be here.
  • Walk around like a wise but tough king.
  • Softly spoken but carrying a big stick.
  • Inner attitude of “y’all don’t impress me
  • Found my purpose in life
  • Not scared of anyone - I’ve stared death and COVID-19 in the face and survived
  • Big “alpha” men protecting their girls definitely don’t scare me. I stand equal to them.
  • Their women be giving out big hair flipping signals.
  • Abundance mentality - take em or leave em.
  • Major PTSD symptoms cured - that means disapproving triggering ass bitches get zero traction from me.

@Grimm1390 was recommended EmperorQ for breaking out of living at home. I’m reluctant to use EmperorQ as a “Type B” sub. But damn if I also want to break out of here too. Khan gave a great alpha foundation, StarkQ is another way of doing “alpha”, so is EmperorQ the solution? What’s the cost of finding out anyway if it works? Food for thought…


#618

“When you stop caring, here they come.”

Well well well. So said, so done. It’s a law as old as time itself:

"When you stop wanting and needing women, they will come looking for you."

I’ve stopped counting the amount of ordinary women turning heads, gazing, fixing their shades, flipping hair etc.

AND I DON’T CARE!

I’m still not chasing y’all. Sorry.

Done been beaten up, chewed up, spat out. Been through the flames of hell with failed cyclical relationships that fell short.

No more heavy burdens.

It’s my StarkQ time. I want my own life. I want my own centre of gravity. I’m happy and fulfilled.


#619

Amazing realizations you are making.

Now starts the the fun life


#620

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.


#621

@friday @malkuth grazie.

The formula for life really should be this simple:

  1. Handle your own shit first.
  2. Everything else.

#622

And now - the secret addition to StarkQ. EmperorQ

How do I describe EmperorQ?
Solid as a rock.
Not as rough and aggressive like I was expecting. Goes very smoothly with StarkQ.

Early results

  • Getting respect: bus doors open where I’m standing. “after you, sir” “Hello sir…”

  • Getting shit done: pushing through extremely mundane tasks without delaying them, encouraging self talk

  • Getting women interested: I suppose? Not really looking. Not chasing either.

  • Inner focus: less on others, more on myself. Had this issue with Ascension, fearing being more “selfish” and not concerned with others. I’ll need to watch this one.

Several weird dreams on EmperorQ: animals, one by one crossing the road outside my infant school. One horse pulling a cart is dragging three other horses along on the ground.

The number 616 is following me around: waking up, going home, even this thread last had 616 replies. Dafuq?


#623

That’s one thing I’ve seen so far too. Women and men, holding doors long enough that that they’ve stopped moving for me, an Asian woman with a trundle cart holding the door open with difficulty at the office building for me while managing their unwieldy cart, people deferring to me to walk through automatic doors first, etc. Almost comical.


#624

It’s remarkable. I thought the name Emperor was a marketing gimmick but it will really turn a man into a King. I’ll be careful not to turn others into my subjects… :yum:

Course this means some of the hate returns: can’t be a monarch without challengers afraid of losing theirs…