Finding my True North


#121

I’ve failed so many shit tests in my life, I cringe thinking about it. You just know too with women, how their energy changes to one of disappointment.


#122

I hear you. I’ve ‘failed’ a bunch of shit tests too. For me now, though, the important thing is to pass my own tests first (whether shit tests or otherwise). Being so highly motivated to just pass all of someone else’s tests seems only slightly less sucker-ish than always failing their tests. Like, who the heck are you supposed to be? Why am I even concerned about your effing test?

Eff your test. I’ll get to it later.

Mating and sex are great, and I look forward to doing better with them. I really do. But apart from that women are just humans, man. I’m not comfortable letting any human, male or female, determine my life to that extent. In general, the average human will know and be accurate about say 3 or 4 things, and then they’ll make up an additional 300 or 400 things, that are just contrived, improvised BS. It’s part of our special beauty, to be sure. But… nah.

That’s my current view. Of course, on an emotional level, I’m just as liable to get pulled back into trying to please. Will be interesting to see what happens when I start to work with Emperor next year.


#123

@elementary_vision @Malkuth @raphael sure the “tests” are annoying, however women only ever bother testing those who they think may have potential to be their mate. It’s a test of your character too, don’t forget.

My dating life so far is a ton of failed tests largely because I was unaware. The worst thing is you know if she’s disappointed in you for “failing” and hence treats you like shit.

Enter the Khan


#124

@Michel - true. I don’t take shit tests personally anymore. If I was a woman, I would be doing the same thing. It would be in my programming. I can control it but it would never go away.


#125

Agreed. There are good reasons for what they’re doing (with the tests), and it needn’t be taken personally.

I’m more talking about myself, and my own tendencies.

A concise way to put it: If you’re overly concerned about the test, then you may have already failed the test.

No one forced me to get bent out of shape about it. That was my contribution.

At the same time, I’d now think of it more like a job interview situation. We are interviewing each other. Need to remember that. It’s not just me ‘trying to get hired’. It’s also me deciding if I want to give this place my valuable time and attention.

A few years ago, I was talking to a woman friend who at one point had told me that something I’d done caused her to lose respect for me. In a later conversation, I reminded her that she’d said that, and she replied ‘Well, earn my respect!’

I thought it over and, in that case, I thought, ‘No, thanks. I think I’ll be happy with my own respect for the time being.’

I know that if you’re bad-ass (and lucky) enough, you can have both. But if I ever have to choose one, I hope I’ll go with my own respect every time.


#126

Of course, always have your own first. It’s the only way to live that works.


#127

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 12

Reprogramming notes

  • Coming up to halfway and ST2 feels really smooth. Maybe ST1 took care of most of the heavy bullshit that ST2 feels straightforward.
  • Strong sexual energy being generated, but no desire to jack off, like before. Enjoying feeling the sexual energy but no desire to release it.
  • Gym going good, physique getting better, stomach getting even more flatter.
  • I feel like the new ST2 programming is sending me shit tests for a reason: to connect to my inner power and to remember to stand up for myself when needed in a firm but fair manner, standing my ground.
  • Dat deeper voice, tho.
  • Art was a means of hiding from people and life. It’s been broken down and now I can be deeply honest about it.

#128

@Michel - Woah, I can see you getting there, man. Good job.

My experience of ST2 is similar to yours. It’s pretty smooth. I don’t know if it is Spartan or whether my reconciliations are resolved. My intuition says that it’s largely because I don’t have much breakdown and reprogramming to do (because even ST1 was largely smooth for me except maybe 1 or 2 days max). The problem for me isn’t my beliefs. The issue for me is taking actions on my beliefs. So am sure ST3 and ST4 will be life changing.


#129

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 14

The door is closing on my pre-Khan life. The past couple of years has been centred on art and education and all of my current friends and associates live inside the closing door. Sadly they cannot come with me into the new life. It’s gutting but there is no growth here.

Went back to the other city for the day, but this time to work. Really enjoyed it and the different vibe, more friendly, calmer, peaceful and I feel happier. Is this where the door is opening?

Still filling up with sexual energy and now the dominance appears when I look at myself. I’m about 45% charged up :battery:


#130

As a side note on the Khan reconciliation process:

I am in awe at that process. That’s all.


#131

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 16

Seeing the dominance, power and sexuality on me and it looks very good. I could genuinely pass for someone who works in middle management.

Reactions to low level sneak dissing haters from others is to brush it off. Mere ants.

Was in a tight spot regarding money, so remembered that I had some leftover foreign currency and simply change it over. Khan mode.
Seriously thinking of moving to that new city permanently for a complete new start.

The type of women I attract nowadays is an upgrade to the previous I was “lucky” to get with - professional women, confident, “girl power” women, shy women. The type I now repel were the average looking, lonely/damaged “girlfriend” material type I used to be “lucky” to have. It makes sense - a Khan deserves the finest quality women available (they need it the most!)

Every stage has a painful learning and adjustment stage, before getting easier. But time it’s a lot smoother. More power, dominance and raw sexuality please?


#132

I rather say they deserve it the most. I think a real Khan don’t need a woman, it’s a nice addition to their life but they don’t need it.


#133

@afc22 yes that’s what I meant (wasn’t clear). Those women need and deserve a Khan in their life, they crave a Khan.

Meanwhile the Khan knows never to invest heavily in one person. Many fingers in many pies…
:grin:


#134

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 17

1212, again? Maddening to see it so many times. I’ll step out in a minute…

Heart chakra aches means time to release the pain of heartache and betrayal of relationships with women, including my mother and my last female friend.

When it comes to love, it starts early, dysfunctional means of expressing love (meaning never) within the family set me up for future failure and “nice guy” tendencies.

Love was seen as weak and something to be mocked, plus love was used as an emotionally abusive and manipulative tool used to control.

I’m now learning to feel real love and care for myself.

It’s also time to feel proud. This Khan journey is emotionally tough and demanding. To release old hurts and finally feel pride for oneself for how far I’ve come in almost three months with Subliminal Club.

For my real self buried in shit to emerge intact and is now calling the shots, directing my new life where it will grow and flourish the most. That means outward changes - and ST3.


#135

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 18

12:12…

I’m experimenting with the alternative listening pattern, meaning no overnight plays, just 4-6 hours daytime listening. My sleep is less fatigued, but now my waking hours aren’t great. A bit slow on the job today, making mistakes and not feeling very leader- like. But that physique… No longer middle aged spread, now flatter and leaner!

Women alert:
I’ve started talking and bantering with my work rep, who’s an attractive young, tall chick. I see her quite regularly before work. Within the space of 10 minutes I got her to:

  • Say which part of town she lives
  • Her age (I’m much older)
  • Her dating preferences (her ex boyfriend was her height)
  • Admit she only wore a sweater and nothing underneath

She’s my work rep (so the red pill rule of “never shit where you eat” applies), but I want to date her. Difficult one.

I’m still introverted and am normally quiet/mute so it was a surprise to be so socially fluent with her. It also helps when she’s receptive. Khan installing social skills?


#136

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 19

At work, kept my cool over waiting to start work for an hour… then the fun started. I don’t know where these mad bantering people skills came from but I like it a lot! Taking the piss with colleagues and customers in good natured fun. Bosses also starting to show respect back, because of my new powerful voice.

My temporary uniform shows off my new big build, thicker neck and stomach.

Just loving it at the moment. Of course other men are now grasping hold onto their girlfriends tighter, just in case their women fancy something better… :joy:


#137

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 20

Dominance, cockiness, bantz and sheer internal power are showing and installing itself well. But I still feel like that 6yr old introvert underneath. Khan has added “bad boy” onto “shy guy”. Don’t know how it’ll work in the long run…

You know Khan has improved you when the quality of haters have upgraded. Now professional city types now get their hate on for me.

The quality of women attracted are getting better, 8s and 9s seem more intrigued, 5s and 6s (those who saw me as a beta bitch sap) seem now more resentful. It’s okay because for every one woman who dislikes me, there’s at least two stunners who show up immediately afterwards.

Thoughts are becoming less “how much money do I need for this month” and more “which one of these hot girls to smash first…?” I’m chomping at the bit to take and dominate these poor helpless women in need of some good old Khan discipline.

Extremely important and pressing questions:

  • Do I pursue my work rep or not…?
  • Should I talk to another attractive work rep?
  • Isn’t it time for ST3 yet?

#138

Khan
Total Reprogramming
Day 21

Time for a break. The past couple of weeks have been non stop work with no time to relax. Always feel guilty for taking a few days off as I’m not earning anything.

Reviewing the past three weeks, more confidence and pride, more social skills, finally have some women flirting and talking skills and solid eye contact. Shit tests brought forth the bantering skills within. Every attractive woman I see I have thoughts of smashing, they’re definitely picking this up.

All that’s needed is to go out and start putting in Total Action. to go get it.

At a risk of repeating myself, Khan is the shit.


#139

Are there any work regulations that prevent you from it? How often do you see other reps? Would it become a problem if things went sideways in the interactions?


#140

It’ll only be a problem if I start bragging to my colleagues, since they assign others to temporary work placements. Other than that, there’s no rules as such.