Hold on, let me overthink this


That looks great.

Inspiration. Healing. Expansion.

Incisive, Integrative Vision.

Love it.



Just went and bought all the super chargers and stacking that I wanted in prep for Ultima (so like everything but libertine). Not sure if Beyond Limitless is necessary now. Feel like I want a bit more optimism from sanguine.

The sleepiness that hit me around noon dissipated once I needed to be “on” for a zoom call but I literally wanted a nap before then.


Some days reading Blind makes my blood boil. Today is one of those days.


How’s the 靈氣 reiki going?

I’m slowly reintegrating qigong and I’m having a good time working with ‘allowing’ things to happen versus ‘making’ things happen.


Still a daily practice… just trying to let things happen as opposed to being impatient. I ordered my second custom so hopefully it helps.


Listened to one loop of Sanguine Ultima yesterday. It’s not hitting as strongly as A.

Also getting jelly over everyone’s Beyond Limitless Ultima results, but holding for now.

I’ve been trying to reduce the volume I listen to the subs as low as possible. Maybe one or two iPhone levels above silence (or if I‘m listening to something else I need to hear louder I reduce the volume in audio share down to 25-40%). Not sure If this is loud enough to still see effects, yet quiet enough to reduce any tinnitus aggravations.

I ended up doing everything I normally do first thing in the morning throughout the day. Meditations happened in the evening, and one loop of my first custom mid day.

I suppose I should give them names. I was toying around with Chiaroscuro for the one I just ordered but not sure it fits. While my mind perceives there’s a deep contrast between darkness and light does the custom really embody that; or, is it more of a creative spiritual awakening? Semantics, meh.

Dreams were semi normal odd. Some coworkers past and present showed up. I believe I was talking about subs for a minute. It’s all a blur because I tried to go back to sleep right after.

This “rewarded” me with a hypnagogic vision of a hooded woman specter facing me strangling a shorter haired, white dressed woman. They were both only torsos up and the hooded person’s face was bathed in shadow with only a bit of hair sticking out. Her hoodie color was deep purple and it reminded me of one of my own. The arm she reached out to strangle with was mostly black shadow.

So I asked who they were and for them to show themselves and the face barely lost its shadow. No dice. I asked if it was “me” and there was no answer but the loudish wooshing I usually get when I’m between dreaming and waking and there are “beings”. I said, if not then someone, destroy her (archangel Michael maybe, I’ve been trying to suspend disbelief in that particular direction *gestures vaguely *) Didn’t do anything immediate like it did in the one with the fog snake during Ultima testing.

That said, my mind morphed the two speakers atop the shelves of the entertainment center into these creatures which I sorta knew in the moment, but definitely realized the minute they disappeared from sight. Yay brain. :woman_facepalming: Luckily I don’t get super freaked out like I did as a child.


Was playing around with a wealth custom tentatively named Lakshmi for a wealth goddess vibe. Not quite perfect yet, so it’ll sit on the shelf of potential.


The Sandman Audiobook version with full cast launches today. I’d still rather thumb through the pages of the box set releasing in September.

Managed to do my routine at the right time and will listen to one loop of my first custom. Let’s call it Maia for now. Goddess of rebirth and spring.

Will save the subsequent runs for the new one to arrive today.


not to let this pass by unacknowledged.

I was wondering how that would translate to audio. heard one lukewarm advanced review and mentally ‘shelved til later’. But reviews rarely predict exactly how I’ll feel.

I’m sure I’ll be checking it out sooner or later.


Where do y’all create these galleries?


I choose 5x5 Grid now, which makes it a square. Appropriate for Album Art.


By using a random grid creator in the web? Any recommendations? The ones by @Malkuth looked pretty awesome.


i used the photo app on my iPad. Created albums from image captures from the website. Then screen captured the montage of the album.


Yeah I just make a photo album on my iPhone then take a couple screenshots + crop


Kat Dennings is not “Death” in my head but it’s been so long since I’ve read them maybe it would work. Most excited to hear Morpheus.



Dreams are split bc I took a nap. The first set had coworkers current and old from the same previous company. I was watching people ski and do tricks from the top of a mountain peak. My coworker friend took a photo of my side profile then showed it to me. It reminded me of the cover art for intuition enhancer if the person was bathed in light instead of shadow and surrounded by pine branches.

Fast forward to being back in nyc walking across what seemed like flatiron 6th Avenue (you know how every avenue has its own vibe depending on the neighborhood ). Was with someone who had offered me a position at that company in a different job family before I left for my current org.

Ended up in a lobby for the company (but it definitely wasn’t the real thing. ) people were testing for illness with strips like you’d use to tests alkaline/acidity. I had to put the paper on my tongue and it tasted/felt like tissue paper with how it stuck there. The tip turned from green to deeeeep purple. I think I “passed” but have no idea what it meant. I asked why no one was wearing masks and they had no answer.

Got my second custom round midnight round midnight

Listened to two loops of it, so now I’m at about 6 things for the day
1x Sanguine ultima
2x custom 1(my foundation, QL, Sed, Stark) - Maia
1x aegis
2x custom 2 (my spiritual and creative aspirations) - Chiaroscuro

I sleep lightly at first. I’m viewing my living room and the exercise equipment I use is like having a live infomercial for it’s products by this little old dude and someone who looks like they work in adult films. Behind them, on a screen that hasn’t existed since my ex left, is like a white background infomercial within the infomercial and a blonde lady rolling a handled exercise ball on the ground topless.

So after that wtf, I wake up then go back into a deep sleep where I’m trying to solve a murder mystery and the clue is beneath the Persian rug. It was like a mishmash of one too many app ads for some whodunnit crap game and the recent news about the ceo that was killed execution style on the LES recently.

Skipped sanguine this morning will do 2x Maia then 2x Chiaroscuro later in the day.

Meditation felt normal-ish this morning. I know it’s too soon to tell about the new custom but I’m like Veruca Salt in the chocolate factory just before the point she turns into a bad egg.


There is another mouse in my apartment. I’m staring at the place I should’ve sealed that I thought: hey maybe it’s not large enough for one to get in.

Maybe it’s sanguine, but I’m not freaking out as much as I did the last time. It also didn’t get immediately captured when I went downstairs like the last one. This apartment is old and I think the floors have shifted down from the walls in more places. Will do a thorough “please don’t come out” search of all my closets again this weekend and actually use the sealing foam I bought instead of relying on caulk for part of the floor/ceiling connection.

Before this year hadn’t seen one. Now stuck inside and we’re both in my apartment uncomfortable. :unamused:


Haven’t felt like writing out past two dream sets. They weren’t disturbing I just felt bored with it. I did write down keywords that make no sense for yesterday’s dream so what was I even thinking?

Coffee table, dance, hair, time, journey, yoshinoya, 8th Street

I do remember the last two which was a scene with me leading this person along the west bit of 8th street from 6th Avenue to broadway (so not st marks place) the word yoshinoya (yeah like the beef bowl but in multicolored words instead of just orange)was printed out on the side of these huge platform sneakers I was wearing under colorful rave pants. I had to hike my legs over barricades on the street one at a time.

Last night all I remember is some ritual other women were doing then later these two random mob character guys wearing khaki member’s only jackets bring a dead body of a younger person to someone else as I watch. I get close to the body and it wakes up and starts gushing about how nice it was to meet me before he “left.” No clue.

Skipped Ultima yesterday and did both Sanguine and Rebirth this morning so we’ll see how that goes.

Was browsing the Soulvana app for a group immersion that didn’t annoy me for a change of pace from my norm. Also did chakra Dhyana and still on that lovable video daily.

Was on a discord where someone said that reiki was neutral in terms of effect. Like the energy isn’t charged until you put it to use, but you’re also left with the unused bit swirling around inside all grey-like. The more you know the more you don’t :joy: Just wish I already knew what would work best for me.

Someone who I’ve been mentoring passed a huge milestone this week so I’m pretty stoked.


Left side activated
Like a flip was switched

It started right after I awaken up from the end of a dream with some work friends: someone laughs and I walk through the kitchen to find out why. A clamshell plastic container drops from the counter. it had something too small for lentils, like black couscous, or gunpowder that started a slow spill to the floor. I wake.

Anything I thought about would happen

Rushing crowds for protests speed up to an impossible level as I observe from overhead like sands rushing sideways through a maze. I wake. Thinking about a website and it starts to form in my mind. I wake.

Retsuko but not, having a wedding event in a mobile game I’m playing . Start as an observer: from phone and random tv screen. Kept missing parts of it because of distractions and accidentally clicking to progress.

Pizza shop with human couple. Woman had offered to pay but husband wouldn’t let. Normal looking not too tall. Plain white tee on him with backwards plain black baseball cap. Woman ponytail. Someone had glasses maybe.

Replayed wedding from start with phone. Was in it.

Became the bride. All guests are anthropomorphic animals. I have no form.

Mother of groom refused to show, groom glanced at guests and said maybe we should start

Mother of bride was there with two suitors who alternated kissing her + verbal sparring near front of crowd. Was observing but people found it embarrassing to watch

Mother of groom flew in from the claws of an eagle. Started berating son that it was bad enough she had to show up but she wouldn’t watch him get married to that “daughter of a harlot”

big behemoth showed up for her side.

Two immensely tall amazon/spartan dressed female warriors showed up for me. Both introduced themselves (I’m bad with names) the second’s intro flipped into song at the end like “I’m so and so and I come to help her [singing starts] when she’s in nee-eed …” going higher in tone at each syllable.

so I wake up and geometric patterns on one of my pillows are doing a little boogaloo. I glance sideways at one of the dried herb/flower wreaths on my wall and it looks like a grinning crone. I look back at the pillow and wait till everything settles

The ringing that’s normally dominant in the right side of my head is equally strong in the left. I wake up ridiculously overheated. This is normal for me, my body is like a furnace when I dream.

So that one day break from my customs plus two ultimate runs last morning and now we’re here.

Phew. I need more restful sleep so I’ll get back to it. My head hurts.


Luckily I waited a bit this morning (wanted to finish some tasks in a mobile game and the ads are too loud to listen to if i have a sub on). Ultima 3 done and revealed to all as libertine. Pretty much the only ultima candidate (besides godlike masculinity) I had no interest in, so there’s that.

This past week I cleared out and shredded old documents, found grad school papers I’d forgotten I wrote, prom pictures and yearbooks. I found a remnant of the birthday cards my mom used to give me from the “both of them” and it made me quite nostalgic.

Yesterday skipped all meditation. I basically lazed about like a potato, read some fluff then ate baked chicken, rice and spinach.

Thought I was done done with most of the document shredding but there’s one Whole Foods bag full of mostly magazines that I’ll tackle today.

Will probably henna my hair today as it’s been a month or so.

The Elix did a pretty good job of barely noticing when I’d normally be doubled over in pain but I think my marathon sleep can still be attributed to normal monthly annoyance.

I have a habit, almost lifestyle, of procrastination. I have to actively dive into tasks I attach unnecessary emotions to. The sheer relief I felt at getting even this far with the remnants of the past decade or two was immense.

There are still some things that stay on the closet shelf. Things I’m not ready to make a decision on of my parents’ . But if I can continue to sweep away the less important stuff now, I’ll give myself more piece of mind.

Listening to the first loop of Maia (custom 1) and it’s like :