Hold on, let me overthink this


#81

I can see lots of progress here. I hope you are enjoying your custom subs. :sunny:


#82

Hmm, funny, I must still be looking at trees to miss that forest. Perhaps I feel like I’m sharing more about work than I used to, but I don’t quite feel the progress.


#83

I took a break from subs today and felt glorious. I’d stubbed my little toe on something twice yesterday and slept a long while through the full moon.

Today was loaded with meetings, but I got my delivery from Resonance Apothecary so that made me happy.

I’m trying to stop channeling 7 rings and focus on what I truly want. I think I have most of my fundamentals needs met.

Gonna treat myself to a nice tea and wait to help another team with a late night deployment.

Tomorrow should be my customs and sanguine.


#84

A lot of people don’t see the progress until they stop using it, or something huge happens. It’s the same effect as a person on a diet not seeing their progress, even when everyone else is telling them how good they look. Establish a set of goals / baseline and judge from there.


#85

Yeah, also I’m not expecting much yet since I just returned to my customs not so long ago. I’m not pressed.


#86

Hmm I thought I posted something. Listened to all three customs x2 and that was probably a bit much. I exclaimed out loud how I “don’t wanna” play this mobile game I feel tethered to from sunk cost fallacy.

Was scrolling through blind and saw a days old thread about someone who retired this week at 40 something . That’s a dream.

Still plodding along till I take more action. I reached a minor goal and then immediately moved to sabotage it in the two days afterward.


#87

:slight_smile: :slight_smile::slight_smile: :thinking: :upside_down_face: :sunny: :sunny: That’s great. How do you feel? Do you feel relaxed? Do you feel calm? Do you feel less stress? How’s the energy stuff going?


#88

Maybe the stress and calm have shifted to other areas. Probably in better quantities for both. Still on the quest for self.

Energy work goes frustratingly slow to me. I need to be more consistent or dedicated but work leaves me tired and time crunched these days.


#89

I hear you. You will see more results with the energy stuff. Are you able to sense energy and feel energy? I don’t say energy work for a reason. :wink:


#90

Sometimes? As a person who dislikes yielding control, it’s hard to just let go and feel.

—————

Took another break this morning. Will probably do Mind’s eye in the evening.


#91

A time of contemplation, of being alone. How I used to revel in my “space.” I don’t feel lonely, but I often wonder if I should. This is the first time I’ve been truly alone without even a pet for comfort.

There’s an edge to it. A tense vibration at the periphery if I give it focus. It’s so easy to default to inner worlds and the realms of stories.

I’ve done it by choice partly, by covid safety more likely nowadays. It’d be different if the world was safe to roam.

The slight ringing in my ear is the only companion to my bout of melancholy till I break the less than silent drone of the air conditioner with some music.

I find if I don’t listen to or sing something during the day I don’t feel as grounded. So I will remedy that.

I wish the start of this official video didn’t creep me out. The braids in the air trigger something akin to those tryphophobia pics

Her words resonate some days.


#92

This is more important than what some might think. I’ve observed that many on this forum tend to shift the goalposts as some results start to come in. I’m not referring to a desire to switch to a completely different topic, though that’s also a problem. Rather, there’s the issue of (I desired this much of item A, I made some progress, now I desire a LOT of item A). Having some measure over time is important!

Agreeable. What I have noticed is that energetic aspects are much more nebulous and hard to pin down, though they may be important. That’s a factor in my custom design which emphasizes modules that are more easily connected to tangible outcomes.


#93

Played ME T2 x2, my chiaroscuro custom x2 and one loop of survival instincts while I slept.

My dreams were varied. My current apartment and the one I grew up in kind of melded and my dad was using my bed but stripped the duvet off. There were old coins near where I keep my scale and as I picked them up he admonished me for letting people steal his coin collection out of a decorative stein (this sort of happened in the midst of cleaning all his coins disappeared either from the cleaners we hired or my cousins. I still have the stein on a shelf). I shot back at him that at least he lived, then with the unspoken knowing glance between us because he isn’t alive now.

Fast forward and I’m staying in an impossibly tiny hotel room between a coworker with her guy friend on one side and a random couple on the other side. The walls are paper thin and don’t go all the way to the floor so I can see the light peeking through beneath. I announce that I’m leaving so both couples can have their respective sexy times without me hearing it.

As I’m in the elevator it shifts to one from childhood and I see a forum friend from ages past with her BF and we small talk.

Back to the hotel and there’s snippets of the lobby and sunken bar area. then I’m on another elevator that goes to the basement. For some reason I get upset that it went down there and stays so I yell at the maintenance crew, fighting even. They retaliate by welding the elevator to the basement so we have to pile out. I was angry for no reason and fighting “my people” even though they were workers and I wasn’t. I asked how long it would be that way and they said something like months. So I have to go up an antique rickety staircase to get back to the lobby. I wake up midway or I just don’t remember the rest.

There was another more fantastical dream before these vignettes but I can’t remember anything beyond how weird it was.

Listened to my other two customs and will do the sleep loop again tonight.


#94

I was helping someone with mythology books and remembered that long ago I seriously considered doing a PhD in mythological studies.

I obviously didn’t commit, but for a while, before my more practical side won out, I reveled in traversing the realms of mythology through any pages I could get my hands on. Fable, myth and fairy tails were my childhood and teenage escape and there’s still a significant part of me that feels drawn to it.

My “sleepytime” mix of mind’s eye, Chiaroscuro + aegis ended in the middle of survival instincts.

I’m currently on the second loop of Maia after a lazy day of pho lunches and existential crisis.

Still in search of self, or purpose, beyond what I can. I’d like to know what I should.

Dreams had covid mixed in with doctors, deities and who knows what else. I might need a recorder to speak into. By the time I get to writing it’s poofed.


#95

I learned this method in grad school and it works wonders.


#96

They actually talked about something similar in a zoom gathering that I went to last month led by an editor.

My main problem is that I’ll wake in the middle of the night and want to go back to sleep not write my most recent dream down. :joy:


#97

Last part of the dream had crushed multicolored (turquoise + golden yellow) scarabs that I had to pry off of furniture. Sorting through papers to shred in a shared/office space: b&w printouts of my face + miscellany.

Did not do my overnight stack as I felt like a break.

Sanguine this morning during meditation and will do maia + lakshmi customs. Hadn’t done an ultima in a while as airplay likes to cut out in the middle to the onkyo if I put on a YouTube guided.

The week before my staycation is also one when more elevated responsibilities start. today I need to run through my delegation plan.


#98

haha. That sounded familiar. Pacifica Graduate Institute attracted me too. I actually applied and interviewed.

That was such a long time ago. It was one of those ‘bifurcation points’ in my life. Large fork in the road.

I had a very striking manifestation experience last week.

I was thinking about Manifestation in general. I went to take a shower and while in there it hit me (or I remembered…) that what I’m manifesting right now more than anything else is Calling. Vocation. Clarity of Path.

There was a kind of satisfying click of recognition.

Then I got out of the shower and was checking e-mail and saw an announcement for this:

It is the fastest manifestation experience I can remember having.

It’s free (but, of course, one will receive advertisements in the future if one signs up).

I was busy that night, but got it and listened to it the next morning. It provided some extremely useful food for thought and structure for thought.

One thing that is said about INFPs is that it is our nature to be Searching. It’s important to integrate Seeking as part of the path. I think the quality of the search changes as we see more and more things over the years. I think as we become less insistent about simple resolutions, the search becomes almost a kind of feeling of movement that we accept as part of being alive.

Anyway.

Bottom line: that program is one hour and is pretty practical and specific and worth the listen. (It identifies three specific features in one’s natal chart that are definitive of one’s vocation and purpose and then provides a quick summary of how to personally apply them. In my case, it works.)


Traveling the Paths of Wealth, Imbuing Vital Physicality (Custom Q Journal)
#99

One more thing about Purpose. I think there’s an energetic component to it. Almost like a mood element.

In other words, it’s not always so much about the specific answer or specific direction. But about the quality with which we engage the moment.

That is an intuitive observation. But I really feel it.


#100

I would also say regarding our purpose. Just take a look at the subs you’re running and the intended goals and there’s a 90% chance that’s what it is. I think it’s really easy to overthink purpose, but it’s always been there with us. It’s less of a discovery out there and more of letting go of the things that hold us back from exploring our most aligned desires.