Hold on, let me overthink this


#161

Nothing’s changed much in my rotation. Just added emperor fitness I when I do Maia II to see how I feel since it was collecting dust in a corner. Yesterday was my rest day. Dream journaling is going a bit better as long as I remind myself to slow down when I right so I can read it when I’m fully awake.

Considering taking extreme exercise motivation out of Maia II and replacing it with I AM but it seems a little extra to change it again just for one module.

I don’t track how many loops of my customs I do. I figure it’ll all even out in the end. Other things I do at most two of unless I forget while I shift from zoom call to zoom call during the day.


#162

You ever try so hard to do nothing and just be? Yeah, it’s not going so well.

It’s interesting how difficult it is to just exist in the moment whether through external distractions or whatever the mind can conjure up.

Mama tried, but she tired, and in need of a breakthrough.

As far as listens go if it’s not Maia II & emperor fitness it’s Chiaroscuro & mind’s eye. I do have to start weaving ultimas back into the mix. I think I feel their absence but I’m so busy trying to feel and sense and be that I’m probably stonewalling myself.

I went on a book buying spree and then didn’t have a chance to read any. Work is exhausting but going “well” even though I wonder what I really want to do with my life every day.

Tis all.


#163

If you don’t mind can you post your reading list in your next post, Thanks! No rush.

Any changes on st1? It might fix this…


#164

Ah, well, my do nothing is less of the exercise variant (because I am very good at doing nothing there) and more trying to live in the moment (with my customs). I’ve definitely scaled back the try hard on the road of enlightenment.

Also my customs are packed with healing so not sure what EF ST1 is gonna do that those aren’t.

Hmm, the latest book I’m reading is Energetic Boundaries by Cyndi Dale. I’ve got a couple of her other books to browse afterwards (fair warning, more woo woo than practical for those disinclined)

The Inner Smile by Mantak Chia: the pictures make me lol.

Angels Unveiled a Sufi perspective

and Acupressure for Emotional healing.

I’ve got a bunch of videos from this group I like in queue but am totally vegging out reading Mo Bao Fei Bao novels.

Then on the checkout line in Whole Foods I picked up the seasonal cook’s illustrated because who doesn’t need another recipe for streusel?


#165

1


#166

AncestryDNA keeps moving about my percentages. I keep historical screenshots so I can track their progress. Another one of my cousins popped up in my matches list, but it’s still not enough for me to put my name to my profile or make my tree public. She’ll live.

I consider falling down the rabbit hole of tracking my family tree earlier than what I have but the notion fades as fast as it appears.

Keep being told I work too much, and don’t allow myself enough pleasurable experiences, so I suppose I should listen at some point.

The belief I have to get over: Everything feels like a chore when you have to plan your enjoyment too. I wish things just fell into place. If I don’t plan, my work calendar ends up controlling me vs the other way around. It’s not even like I intend to work incessantly. It’s partly the culture where I am, and partly I wanna get shit done and the day is full of meetings.

I’ve slowly been setting more boundaries… slack notifications go off after a certain hour. I’ll only work late if there’s a presentation due. Lately there’s just been so much, more than I can delegate without overwhelming others. It’s similar for my peers and those above me though so maybe the move is to move vs shift in place.

I talked to my executive coach about my work boundary issues and saying yes to too much. Then she turned right around and asked me to do something at the end of our session. I asked her later if she felt bad asking me for more knowing what she knew… even if I was the “perfect” person to voluntell for the exercise. Meh.

This is starting to feel like a whine so I’ll stop.


#167

Good for asking her that. What did she say?


#168

“I did consider it but you were the only/best…” blah blah blah


#169

It does sound like you’re in the midst of a shift or transition. Navigating the process of bringing different parts of yourself into the picture. You don’t seem limited by a lack of knowledge. It seems more like a legitimate negotiation of how much to change and how quickly.

Your erstwhile primary orientations don’t seem to be ‘wrong’ for you. So it seems like you are deciding how much to integrate factors like independence and spirituality without necessarily sacrificing other priorities such as achievement and recognition of your values within a group, (and possibly, safety and a sense of place?).

Seems like you’re moving and growing through your cycles. And doing it with class.


#170

What’s your line of work if you don’t mind me asking?


#171

fintech, product

Have also been in:
Software development
Design, UI/UX


#172

Ah I see what you mean about the culture now. Do you find yourself enjoying the work or does it feel like too much/an obligation you took on?


#173

Enjoy is a strong word. I appreciate the people I get to work with and the problems I get to solve. It’s the unending meetings and other stuff that can be a bother.


#174

Of course it is fintech.


#175

Meetings are fun. :wink:


#176

Of course?


#177

Maybe, but are they more fun than other things I could be doing with that time? Nah.


#178

Fintech is infamous for a work-life (un)balance that features these factors.


#179

Ah I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to avoid meetings. I only know of them secondhand from others. They seem like they were designed for extroverts by extroverts.


#180

Trying to figure out what would make me listen to my wealth custom more or what’s preventing me besides how comfortable the other two are in comparison. Also considering swapping in house of Medici for one of the subs but not sure which. Perhaps if I take out EOG1 since I already have 4.

With all these new ultimas to try and an extra rest day earlier in the week tomorrow might be ultima day.