Well i plan on giving an update later tonight, i feel like im getting little to no results running 10 straight loops a day. Could that be where im going wrong.?
Day 20: like i said in a previous post i am at 80 hrs running st1 but i still feel like there are some of the same insecurities as in the beginning so im not sure wether i need to reduce the loops and if i do i read somewhere on a post that i should give myself an hr break before running the next loop can somebody tell me if this is true.?
The recall of my dreams has diminished significantly almost to where they were pre-khan but every now and then ill have one pop up if i sleep for a long time, the most recent one was a complete opposite of the khan sisters dream, it was a dream where i was found entirely repulsive by everyone kinda like how it is currently in my life. I find this weird because running st1 almost makes me feel like im taking steps back in my progress.
Im also on day 2 of Elixir ultima i cant say i feel anything yet as far as healing but maybe there is healing going on but its subtle
I was never really the social type but since running st1, any little bit of socialness i had has been taken away(which wasnt very much) so it definitely has made me less social and definitely more tired but im not sure if thats tied to me not getting enough micronutrients. The fatigue and lethargy is to the point where i dont even want to go to work(i still do)
Thats as much as i can report since running the sub
It’s too much for a start anyway. Try to reduce it to 4 loops per day and interlace the loops with one hour of silence between every loop:
1h silence to download
That method works best for me and many other users do that claiming the results are better.
Thanks to voytek for the advice of going from 10 loops to 4 loops a day i am seeing better results and i can finally give an update since posting the last time.
Well i cant say good things have been happening while running st1 and in fact no good things have happened since i started. I dont know if this is connected to what happened to me earlier but long story short i may be on the verge of homelessness and even if i dont get to be homeless my relationship with my girlfriends parents and a cousin of hers may be permanently damaged. Our relationship has never been super great but never to the point where we aargue or anything . kinda neutral but you can tell we are just not compatible. So today i was shooting a bb gun with my not biological nephew and it apparently led to someones car window being broken which we didnt find out til hrs later when the cops were called.
There were 3 shooters,myself included and when we were discussing the situation amongst ourselves we agreed the damaged would be split into 3 but when i go out to talk to the cops i had no problem taking the citation because i knew it was going to be amongst the 3 of us to pay for it. But no once i received the ticket and all the baggage that comes with it (court,paying for window) they all back out like saying thats your problem not mine. So i confront the cousin about it telling him he was just as responsible for the damage as everyone else but he just refused to take responsibility.
i didnt get to finish settling things with him because my drunk father in law interfered and decided it was the right time to bring up my relationship with his daughter and things he didnt agree on. So at this point i was already fed up and refused to agree to his ideals when it comes to finances with his daughter, basically trying to make me responsible for her financial situation and my beliefs are that if im not married to someone officially ring and everything im not obligated to take care of her financially,specially if she is not making an effort to work and help out the relationship. So this led to a big argument where i ended up raising my voice at both parents because i had had it i wasnt going to agree to disagree on a matter thats between me and her daughter and something her and i had already cleared the air out on. So due to my outburst and disagreement they want me out of the house. I cant say this is all due to st1 but i do want to say its connected because this definitely has me broken down and just how the events stacked onto one another just feels like it was meant to break me. But then again things like this happened before khan so im used to life giving me shit sandwiches and the short end of the sticks. All i can say is i hope st2 ,st3,and st4 are better.
Im for sure feeling different now that im only running 4 loops a day. To sum it up i feel like shit and today i feel really angry,almost to the point of having a mental breakdown. I havent felt like going to the gym and in fact ive been missing alot recently its almost like im thinking whats the point of putting all this effort into going, i feel like its that on top of the fact that in a couple of weeks we may have a stay at home order where i live which will force me to stop working out. I got a speeding ticket earlier today. So far since transitioning to 4 loops a day ive been having some really bad luck which has led to my anger and frustration today. Its gotten bad to the point where i want to quit running the program but i made a promise to myself and this community that i would run it to the end and thats what ill do.
No need to force anything dont have to quit, just run fewer loop, I’ll had the same effect on khan but keep going, trust the process and take action
I feel slightly more grounded since the barrage of bad events that took place in the past couple of weeks. Im debating whether i should start st2 on monday or keep running st1 for 45 or 60 days. Honestly i dont feel all that different since running st1 if there has been any healing it has been very subtle to the point where i hardly notice it. It almost feels like what my life had been up to this point, just pure nonstop healing. Its because of not feeling different that i want to run st2 already. I feel like my mind is just craving results already but at the same time i dont want to rush the process. What do you guys think.?
One possibility could be to run both ST1 and ST2 alternating for a few days. Transition from one into the other.
Do you take rest days? If not, try taking a couple of days off and see if there’s any changes. Sometimes, your subconscious needs time to process the subliminal messages. By taking a break every so often, it allows your mind to do what it’s supposed to do, instead of being constantly bombarded.
Maybe this is your subconscious stonewalling? Try giving it a break for a couple of days. Then try another 5 days of ST1. If it still feels that you need to move on to ST2, then go with it. But always take breaks.
Ill give your suggestion a try some time next week and see how that goes
As far as breaks go i naturally take the weekends off but this week i took 3 days off. My mind is craving results and its been wanting for so long its almost like its telling me once you get results then theres youre healing
That’s good to hear. I assumed you didn’t since I don’t recall reading about any breaks in this journal. I guess I was wrong, and I’m sorry for that oversight.
As for changing to ST2, I guess it all depends on what results you’re actually expecting. Note that some results are not things you realize right away. Sometimes, you need to step back a little to see it clearly. Craving for results may actually be more detrimental as it may also cause stonewalling or it can have you think that nothing’s happening simply because you are looking at one thing, whereas all the growth/change is happening at other places.
Youre absolutely right i didnt mention anywhere on my journal that i was taking breaks but I’ll make sure to note them in the future
As far as results go im not expecting any until st3. That right there is what i fear, the stonewalling, which is why i feel i may run this stage until middle of december (60 days) because i rather be safe than sorry but still i wish there were some clear signs to tell me when its absolutely ok to move to the next stage.
Don’t forget about Sanguine Ultima. Can help to ease with reconciliation. (But it would be another title to buy, and now may not be the best time. On the bright side, Khan may help you to make more money, and you can get it then.)
Some “feel” that they can, while others don’t. In either case, patience is always the key. Craving results is not really going to help in the long run.
Instead, try doing things that would actually help you in this process. Look back at your reasons for choosing this sub. If you wanted to be comfortable going out and talking to people, try taking small steps like simply greeting people “Good morning”. That way, you actually get the ball rolling.