I keep mentioning this, but tonight it struck me again how much my body language has changed from a few years ago, and even more so how it’s changed from when I was young. Each time it hits me it’s because it’s gotten markedly better than the last time.
I used to shuffle along always looking at the ground and doing pretty much all of the weak body language stuff that I know about. Now, I walk like I own the place. Head up, movements relaxed and assured. It feels so normal now that I don’t think about it that much, but when I do, I’m amazed.
I was looking over the custom I finally ended up ordering. I noticed that I put a lot of effect modules in there but not that many make this sub work better modules. Maybe I’m just second guessing myself a bit.
That gives me an idea though. Maybe I should make one enhancement module sub that I can run stacked with any custom so I just have to get the the effect modules in the future.
my schedule has changed again. I’m working six days a week. That’s given me the opportunity to take two days in a row off of subs to let things process instead of one two days a week.
This is day two. I noticed a return of some negative thinking patterns a couple of times today, but they lacked the mental/emotional force that they used to have. They’re just words running around in my mind. They have no impact.
My custom came today and is awaiting download when I get home.
The only core I put in is Ascension. I think I’ve been focusing too much on the external results and not enough on building myself into the man who gets those results. And results are supposed to be fast on Ascension, so I’ll have a good measure of what name embedding does.
Here it is.
Financial Success Reality Shifter
Alpha Body Language
Alpha of Alpha
Earthshaker - Sexuality
Aura of Craving
I think I’ll run it on it’s own for at least a few days.
- I just ran the first loop of my custom. It felt a bit odd while it was running, but it’s difficult to put my finger on. I definitely felt some energy swirling around my head, and a sense that something was happening. My supervisor came and gave me a break shortly after, and my body language was even more relaxed than last night. I didn’t realize this before, but the way I used to move was a product of a lack of self assurance, and I’m not just talking about in a social sense. I looked down when I walked to avoid tripping and felt the need to look at my feet when stepping into a curb or something I guess because I was afraid of tripping , and I looked down at a doorknob to grab it because I was afraid of missing (and probably of looking stupid). I was very clumsy as a child, and often made fun of for it, and criticized by my parents. I suppose I really didn’t trust myself to move around without visually checking everything. Now, I trust the mental picture of where everything is.
I realize that there are many areas of my life where I was overly cautious just because I was unsure of myself. Also, my body just felt lighter after the loop.
When I got back I joked with my supervisor and my voice was different. Deeper and with more inflection to it. I’m usually pretty deadpan.
One loop, and there’s a noticeable increase in confidence.
I felt what might have been a bit of recionciliation this afternoon when I got up. Just a bit of sadness thinking about the childhood I didn’t really have because my parents were messed up. The feelings were mild, and they passed.
When I was done with tonight’s loop, I felt a strong urge to run another. Which I am doing about an hour later.
I took a systematic approach to designing a Universal Results enhancement sub. This should cover all the bases for something that works on every sub I run. This should save me slots for effect modules and/or money on future builds. I divided them into five categories and assigned four slots to each. I moved a few around, and a couple don’t fit neatly.
-Mental/emotional blockage removal
Energetic development (shocker)
Merger of worlds (closest fit)
Aura (most everything will have some kind of auric component)
General Sub efficiency
Raikov (May switch this one out)
Attitude and drive
Joie de Vivre
What do you all think?
I ran two loops of my custom back to back tonight. I feel pretty much normal afterwards.
My mind has been quieter for the last couple of days. I don’t have as much of an internal monologue as I’m used to having. I feel peaceful. I think that something is happening in the background, but I’m not sure what that would be.
- Longer term, I started noticing this while I was just on Khan st1, or evening earlier, but it really struck me this evening. I am a lot less outcome dependent than I was, Oh, I don’t know, even a year ago.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been mentally pushing for something that I just NEEDED to have happen. It’s been several different things over the years, but each time, it was something that is achievable for many people, but stubbornly refused to happen for me. I became obsessed with whatever it was, and it took up most of my mind most of the time to the detriment of everything else in my life. I’d always tell myself that I’d start living right after I achieved that goal. I Would go through this cycle where I’d convince myself that this next time I’d make it, then I’d probably psych myself up and fail. Then I’d crash into a short depression until I set my sights on the next try. I did that to myself for many years. Most recently, it was getting equity out of the house to get monthly bills off of us. Before that it was getting the job I wanted. Before that it was my romantic life. I’ve an obsession which I kept unattainable and tortured myself with. I just don’t feel that anymore.
-These name embedded subs hit hard. Last night I ran two loops of my custom and two of Khan st1. It was too much. I slept about two hours longer than I usually do, had a really hard time getting up, and spent about the first six hours of the day feeling like I have a head full of cotton or was walking around under water.
No physical or mental pain, but I just kind of feel like my connection to reality is a bit misaligned. My perception of everything was just a bit off. I don’t feel that powerful or dominant tonight, but I really can’t say this isn’t doing something.
I had run the two loops of Khan because I had a very strong urge to right after finishing two loops of my custom last night.
I ran two loops of my custom and nothing else last night. I didn’t get any sub hangover this morning, so two loops of this plus two Khan TB was a bit much.
I had a couple of incidents today where I acted in a more assertive manner with my wife. I don’t mean I argued with her, I just stated something plainly if it bothered me, or went ahead and did what I wanted to do even over her objections. I used to engage and that would lead to an argument. Now it’s just, nope, I’m doing things my way.
One thing that happened is that I drove when we went somewhere. For most of our relationship, she would constantly criticize my driving. Frankly I’m a much better driver than her, but that didn’t stop her. I just got so sick of it that I’ve generally let her drive. The risk of death was better than the constant harping and degradation. Today, I just grabbed the keys and drove. She asked “you’re driving?”. I just said “yep” and that was that. There was no criticism.
I ran three loops of my custom last night, and I feel really good today. Back to the body language thing, my body actually feels lighter. I’m in a great mood, and I’m cheerfully dominant in my interactions with everyone. I’ve noticed that my voice is deeper and more resonant too. It used to be very deep when I’d think about it, but go up and (I’m assuming) sound weaker in most conversations. Today, I sort of reminded myself a couple of times, but it’s remained deep.
I’ve got the modules for my universal results enhancement sub sitting in my cart waiting for a check to clear into my account. I’ve designed this one to compliment any other sub I’m running and give it the maximum possible amount of support without having to give slots to the support modules every time I build a custom. I kept it to things that don’t have a specific push toward a given result such as sexuality or money. I’ll be taking tonight and tomorrow night off subs to let things bloom and process. Good start so far. I already feel vastly different, but it’s kind of hard to put my finger on how.
For the removal/healing of fear, doubt, and other blockers, I have:
-Joie de Vivre
I think that these do things that it is always good to have happening in the background for the sake of mental health maintenance if nothing else. Plus as I go on to aim for new goals, new blockages may need to be cleared. I added Joie De Vivre because I’ve been putting a lot of attention on changing this that and the other thing about myself and my life, but not enough into enjoying life right now. If happiness isn’t one of the goals, what’s the point?
To develop the energetic aspect of whatever I’m doing, I added:
-Energetic Development (unconventional thinking, I know)
Most goals we have for subs can involve an aura or doing various things with energy, and having a healthy energy system is good for you in general, so I thought these were good additions.
For general sub efficiency I added:
-Merger of worlds
Most things have at least some manifestation aspect to them so I added:
And for general attitude and drive I threw in
I think that this is a good all around sub to help me with anything else for the foreseeable future and it shouldn’t get in the way of any main title I’m running.
- Something occurred to me. I have not been nearly as stressed out about our financial situation as I was previous times when we were in a similar position. I’ve been wondering why, but I just now figured it out. I am not envisioning negative outcomes. Of course, I know that they could happen, but my imagination isn’t running with them like it used to, and hasn’t been for quite some time.
I took two nights off of my custom. The internal effects seemed to fade out a bit on day two, but not too bad. I felt some stress and frustration, but it was nothing compared to what I used to feel on a regular basis.
Once I got to work, a co worker of mine who is shall we say, a little short in the common sense department, saw something that should have been reported immediately. He didn’t. I saw part of the incident, communicated it appropriately and handled it like a boss.
Then my coworker called me. He was seeking my approval (he does that). I told him what he did wrong in no uncertain terms.
When I did that it was the first VERY clear indication I had that the dominance aspect of my custom is having a profound effect. Old me would have either not said anything, or tried to say it in a very diplomatic way. This time I just said it plainly. I wasn’t impolite, but didn’t pull any punches. My voice was a lot deeper and stronger than I remember it ever being, and my inflections were different. There was no question that in this conversation, I was talking to him from a position of superiority. He accepted it too, he got kind of meek and awkward. I can’t completely explain why, but this was a new experience for me. I’ve given orders and told people they’d done wrong before, but each time I had some kind of official authority over them and was relying on that. This time, I don’t outrank the guy, but I just HAD authority and we both felt it. Cool.
I ordered the Universal Result Enhancement sub that I’ve been talking about. I’m hoping it arrives tomorrow so I can see how it makes this even better.
- I did three loops of my custom tonight. I am getting what I guess is a little bit of reconciliation a couple of hours after. It’s odd, I’m kind of arguing with myself. I am considering giving up on the professional aspirations I’ve had for a very long time, and its not bothering me as much as I think it should. Thing is, I don’t have any idea where to go from here. The hope of getting the job I want was kind of what kept me on any kind of track in life. I’m not sure what to do without that. Part of me thinks that is horrible, but another insists that it’s a good thing and I can find a better path now.