Le Journal de BillPerry™


#184

I’ve found that Emperor gives me more control over urges to do something ill advised like that, not less. It’s seemed to help me in taking a longer view and given me better emotional control. And that was without pairing it with DR.


#185

That is good to know. I last used Emperor when it was V3 still, so that’s been a while. I may look into adding Emperor to my stack rotation after this 12-week run is up.


#186

I am pretty much the LAST person to ask about reconciliation. To Saint’s regular amusement, when it comes to the 5 stages of reconciliation, I have never made it past Denial.


#187

My dreams I remember aren’t nearly as plentiful now that I’m not doing subs in bed. But now the ones I remember stand out.

I had a dream I was part of the army.

In a training class. A general comes in as a guest and he’s being played by Kevin Bacon.

I tell him “big fan. I LOVED Hollow Man!” and he was all surprised and says “I rarely hear good things about that one. Most people hate it!”


#188

Today is Rest Day #1 for this week. Last week I got the urge to record an audio of me doing an affirmation regarding a passive income amount of $5K/month

So I did that. Been listening to that in bed as I fall asleep. Along with a recording each night from Lloyd Glauberman’s “Money, Wealth and Prosperity” program.

Today, I’m in my recliner re-reading more of Steve Pavlina’s “Passive Income Series”.

The reason I’m posting today is I’m sitting here all pissed off about some money stuff involving my dad from 1994/1995. I want to listen to regen while sitting in this to get past it. Is that reconciliation? My subconscious trying to get me to not take the full rest day? Argh.


#189

So today is Day 1…I forgot…FORGOT…to start my stack until about an hour and a half ago!

Could “forgetting” be a form of reconciliation? I’m running it now but never forgotten before.


#190

So today is Day 4 of 5 of week 2 of 12 I think (I’m not REALLY tracking which week I’m in, since my Habit Tracking app is taking care of that part for me).

1 loop of BILLionaire and 2 loops of Regen.
ElixirU
I got most of the way through ElixirU (10 mins left) and I feel angry.
Pissed off. Like I want to punch something.
I woke up today totally intending to work my full shift. My (Whatever the fuck my problem is with not working) flared up and it was a struggle…and it won out. I called out the first half thinking “I’ll work after lunch”.
Yeah, fucking right.
I am angry at myself that I have yet to figure out what my fucking problem is. I know I should be able to “Just do it”. I’ve been doing customer service work since 2008 but over the past 3-4 years I’ve gradually gotten worse about it. It’s to the point where my finances are suffering because of it. I call out thinking “Eh, I’ll figure out another way to get more money” but I’ve yet to do that either.

I realized right before starting this entry that I spaced and am listening to ElixirU on the shitty work headset that I use at my desk. So I’m only getting the Masked portion of it I suspect.
Tagging @SaintSovereign and @Fire so they know that is for a sure a possibility.
I’m wondering if that is causing part of the anger. Though I am angry at myself for not overcoming my own “demons” or whatever is wrong.

I’m totally getting Dragon Reborn once finances permit. DR1/Regen/Elixir rotation may be what the Doctor ordered.

I’m gonna go to bed and do 3 or 4 loops of regen or a loop each or Regen and Elixir as I sit with this feeling and see if I can uproot it once and for fucking all.

How can I expect to build an empire when I can’t even “force” myself to work enough to pay the bills?


#191

The Easiest Income Stream article is a great frame for getting started with a new money making venture – actually … for getting started with anything. :+1:t2: :wink:

It had been many years since I last read Pavlina. Thanks for the reminder.


Tagging @King @Azriel @Malkuth @mecharc @Hermit


#192

Thank you for sharing @Simon, although, I prefer using the Creative Imagination from which is derived endless possibilities for any amount of riches one desires.

Unconscious (Body), Subconscious (Heart), Conscious (Mind), Superconscious (Spirit) – Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual. I’ll be manifesting wealth through the principles of alchemy, rather than overwhelming myself within the many ideas already created by our Finite Minds.

Everything starts within the Mind, I truly believe many underestimate the Subliminal’s provided here at the Subliminal Club. It is just that humans are more brainwashed than ever before, and for what cause?


#193

I’m a lot better today. Not all angsty or existential.
I have noticed over the past few days a growing urge/compulsion to run E:HOM. Not sure if it’s reconciliation. It would be a good fit with BILLionaire, of course. No plans on switching up or anything. If anything I may run a loop of it here and there after I’ve done the other stuff for my stack rotation.

I figure if it’s reconciliation, then running it won’t necessarily remove that urge, since the subconscious will keep it up.

If the urge goes away after a loop, I’ll take it to mean I needed the loop, and will only run it if/when the urge comes back.


#194

I failed at having a rest day today. I did 2 loops of Regen Q Ultra (on the 2nd loop now). Was in the car waiting for wife to come out of the gym for what was left of HER workouts. Mine was done already.

This 2nd loop, I’m working in the home office with it playing on iMac speakers. I felt very much so like I needed more Regen time ASAP. I think my regen loops will get a bump up on my “on” days from now on.
Possibly my Khan1Q loops, too.

I did have some thoughts last night wondering if I should just focus on KhanQ1 OR Regen…being this is week 2 only, going into week 3 after the rest day tomorrow, I know that’s way too early to seriously entertain those thoughts.

I’ve been thinking VERY heavily about E:HOM even today (as posted in the previous entry).
My BILLionaire custom has Marketweaver in it already, but I wonder if my SubC is wanting more from HOM than just that. I won’t run HOM (1 loop only at most per any given day) until after this 3rd week starts.

I got a very useful nugget today from the book “The One Thing” while in the car listening to Regen Ultra.
He talks about how Paul Graham (Y-Combinator) breaks all work time into either “Maker time” or “Manager time”
And Manager time is put off until the end of the day. Maker time is the time that grows the company and propels it forward. So I’m now thinking about how I can prioritize my “Maker time” more habitually.

Will be blocking out regular “Appointments” for it in my Google Calendar and making sure my wife, parents, etc all take note of those times.


#195

I’ve really felt this week like NOT listening to my subs. Reconciliation isn’t as sneaky a bitch as she used to be.
When I started feeling that, I doubled up on my loops. I still don’t feel like listening, but that feeling has been diminishing.
The only way out of this stack is through it. Get some.

I have tried out a few loops of Love Bomb Ultima after @SaintSovereign made it available. Not felt much of anything yet. I’ll continue to test it.

I even thought about using that as my Ultima Booster instead of Rebirth and Elixir. But I figured that’s probably reconciliation, too. Maybe I’ll do that later on.
I kinda wonder if Saint can release a Sith-themed Ultima…take Libertine and replace all sexual references with feelings of immense power that makes people cower at my feet. That’s probably reconciliation talking too :rofl::joy:


#196

I’ll take some of that for certain situations. Does it come with the force choke module, or do you need a custom for that?
In all seriousness, an Ultima that put off an aura of danger and excitement (bad boy presence) but didn’t actually turn you into a criminal could have some uses.


#197

I want Force Choke and Force Lightning. Probably need to run Alchemist to help with the Lightning