A bit of a lazy/nonproductive last week and weekend. TLDR smoked hella weed, ended a month nofap streak, and didn’t work in my course. I did go to work and workout though, so I can’t really complain.
So now it’s been twice I’ve ended a nofap streak with the Covid excuse: “Well I don’t wanna risk getting sick and miss work by going out and meeting women, so obviously this is the responsibile thing to do”. Anyways, tis life, back on the ball for me.
This is yet another type of escapism/addictive personality at play; I have to constantly fight it my entire life. No worries, my willpower will get stronger because of this.
I’m reminded of Rob Lowe talking about his alcoholism and recovery, that “No matter how far you drive along the highway, you’re always 10 feet from the ditch”. I related so much to that.
I have been running an overnight ultrasonic stack consisting of Emperor, KhanST3, and Admiral and Commander on loop. Libertine and BLU occasionally.
I will say I had an incident of internal rage while running a loop of BLU when someone at work told me not to do something for safety reasons, despite doing it themselves minutes ago. Of course, I controlled myself, but I think this was the confidence building portion of BLU at play.
Also a notable incident today. This morning all I ran BLU and went and did several errands. Freaking ALL eyes on me. Men, women, everyone. And I’m wearing a mask everywhere. I had to go check to see if there was something weird on my clothes but nothing.
A couple theories:
I did run Libertine yesterday, so this could be the aura effects from that.
It could also be Admiral and Commandenr at play as I’ve noticed people staring previously when I ran it with Emperor many months ago.
Third theory is that it’s the BLU script synergising with the rest of my stack, as BLU is supposed to strengthen the conscious/subconscious mind connection.
The rest of the day I played a few loops Emperor and finished up with 1 loop if StarkQ-Terminus. (Yes the sub hopping impulse is still there).
Tomorrow I’m going to take a rest day.