I’m not sure how to describe what I am feeling right now. I my mind feels like it is strengthening or hardening. Or maybe the best way to describe it is that chains are breaking off of it and is able to stretch out its muscles or something I don’t know lol. I guess this is what it feels like when you subconscious starts taking in the sub.
Being isolated is my comfort zone but I am really stuck in my ways. When I have conversations it just involves me listening and agree. I don’t add anything to it. Just a while ago I was talking with my Dad and all i wanted was to be in my room alone. Hung out with my friends this weekend and they are slightly worried about me. Because of this I’m going to use Daredevil solo until the end of August.
Edit; 21 minutes into the second loop now and I’m feeling it strongly. I think its because Daredevil is just the complete opposite of who I normally am and what I normally do. It feels so potent.
I remember reading on a thread yesterday where somebody said if you are going to listen to the big programs, it would probably be better not to give a time frame of when to stop. I realize with subs like Emperor Khan and Stark, it is an investment because it never really stops working on you. I decided I going to try that but not Emperor. I will go with StarkQ and I will stop listening when I stop listening. This also a challenge for me because throughout this I won’t be stacking anything. Might experiment with Ultima but other than that just StarkQ.
Normally I would be lazy with my listening by using the set and forget method, but I’m actually feeling the benefits of fewer loops. I listen to 2 loops of ultrasonic during the night when I sleep and during the day at work.
Decided to switch from StarkQ to Khan. I realized the problem is not with Emperor, StarkQ or any other sub; the problem is I am trying to build myself on top of a lot of garbage that is inside my head. Last time I had Stage 1q on set and forget and I couldn’t manage it. With my new listen method it shouldn’t be a problem. I want Khan TB to clear everything that is holding me back.
I advocate this approach as Khan Q ST1 is mostly about the breakdown, not about specific social programming. During the quarantine this is most optimal since it’s hard to act upon the elements found in StarkQ or a lot of other subs. I’ve yet to run Khan Q ST3 due to this. Heck, it’ll likely go through the name-embedded upgrade before I even run that one.
I hear you about not being able to on certain elements. It feels like the reasonable thing to just focus on healing.
I notice that I have been waking up before my alarm goes off. Can’t bring myself to get up though. I will confess that on Monday and Sunday reconciliation got the better of me with sub switching but I’ve been using Khan TB for most of last week and most of the weekend. I got up this morning feeling a little hyper and feeling a little good right now at the office as oppose to yesterday when I felt anxious.
Been having dreams I can’t remember. Don’t feel very confident feeling a little anxious. Hung out with some friends yesterday but didn’t stay out late because I just wanted to be alone. Yesterday there was a work problem but it was no ones fault and my Dad didn’t blame me. That being said he needed my help to solve it and I panicked. I couldn’t think couldn’t remember and all I wanted was to not make him angrier. We eventually found the issue and we can fix it at work tomorrow. I realised how weak I was as a man and all I did was hate myself. That situation made me want to not go out but I still did and had a decent time. Good news though, I haven’t changed subs. It is still Khan TB. Didn’t listen yesterday and not listening today because Saturdays and Sundays are my rest days but even not listening I feel it working. Khan really isn’t for the faint-hearted which I am but I’m sticking with i anyways.
Reconciliation is hitting hard and I really want to switch subs. Its so bad that the sub I was going to switch to actually made sense. Start with that sub which is smaller and after a month or two step it up to a bigger sub. The subs would have been Daredevil then StarkQ. Khan is rough and it was me a bit melancholic. I’m feeling trapped with my life not what I want it to be neither personally nor professionally. I’ll update if this feeling passes.
Edit: Actually feeling a lot better. Something got released but I’m not sure what. I just have the feeling that something has been let go.
Yesterday was actually a good day. I was in a good mood, work ended early and all and all it was just good vibes. Today feeling a little neutral with my feelings leaning slightly towards the positive side. Still having dreams so Khan TB is still working and I’m at that point where I feel like Khan should have been the first choice from the beginning. Feel dumb for all the switching I was doing when if I was just patient and toughed it out for like a week or so I would be so much further along. Oh well, you live and you learn.
It is great that you are committed to long term results.
Khan TB is the best version of Khan to run right now. I ran Khan between February and August this year, with a plurality of the time to Khan ST1.
Thanks for the support. Its a commitment thats overdue.
Your right. TB is perfect with everything going on.
I’m taking my rest days now and will start back Monday.
Edit: I’m feeling really amped right now. It feels light my brain is breathing in the cleanest of air if that makes sense.
Took a break from Khan on Friday and Saturday, started again Sunday night listening to 2 loops while I slept and yesterday morning at work I felt it working on something. Listened another 2 loops last night as I slept and now this morning I feel like something broke away. Not sure what cleared but I feeling good and I feel like I’m going to enjoy today.
I still feel it working on my brain. Memories that are embarrassing and humiliating keep popping up and sometimes they are the same memories. I really felt the reconciliation earlier; I wanted to actually order another custom sub. Hasn’t really passed yet but its starting to. My real issue is patience. Khan is going to be a long process and its kinda bugging me. One thing that is keeping me going is that I no what is waiting for me if I do and that is nothing. Khan is what you could call a “Get It Right For Once In Your Life” kinda Sub but I have to be committed.
The best sub is … It should be obvious.