Power Khan Corrupt


#21

Very good point and great reminder that I needed to hear. Action, action, action. Glad that ST3 is all about that push to take action.

With Ev4, I developed some pretty good habits and alpha traits so was hoping to further reinforce those things. For example, on Ev4 I quit porn pretty easily and it was never on my mind. On TB, I’m noticing a slight increased urge to wank it. This could be a good thing as it’s developing my willpower.

But 500 actions > 500 hours is an excellent point. I’m sure Khan could lead me to the same destination in those departments if I work at it.


Ecstasy of Gold Journal: Kether to Malkuth
#22

From my experience so far, you’re right it doesn’t negate Khan. Ran a loop of Ev4 yesterday and did feel some reconciliation. But I’m starting to embrace and enjoy that discomfort. To me, it means something is working which gives me excitement as a result.


#23

You know that one’s getting adopted, right?

(quotes to journal)


#24

All credit to @Simon for the inspiration :grin: I might have to print that out and hang it on my wall.


#25

Day 4 (Khan TB: 45 hours)
I stopped looping Khan overnight and I noticed that I am getting better sleep although I still am kind of groggy. Less reconciliation recently but still have that buzzing feeling. I’ve been holed up in my room for most of the day. I’m back home staying at my parent’s house for the 1-2 weeks, and there isn’t much to do here. I haven’t felt a drive or push to get things done. I’ve just been lethargically laying around honestly. Need to kick this lethargic feeling and start doing things regardless of how I feel.

I have been reminiscing recently about my childhood and how I grew up. I don’t blame my parents as they didn’t know any better, but my dad’s parenting style was awful for my development. I read some of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People recently and Covey starts off with how the wrong parenting style can negatively impact and hinder your child’s personal development. I noticed that my dad was guilty of what was being described in the book. Even as a kid, I knew and even told him that I never wanted to follow his advice because of how authoritative, negative, and forceful the delivery was. It painted me as a dumb kid who couldn’t figure it out on his own and he always seemed mad and angry at me. Because of this, I tuned out most of what he was saying even though some of it was actually good advice at its core. I was resentful and rebellious.

On the flip side, my mom’s style was always babying me to balance out my dad’s style. I was never allowed to fully grow and mature on my own without my hand being held. Getting out of that situation was the best decision I’ve made even though my mom emotionally guilts me for it. Maybe it isn’t intentionally, but it still has the same effect. She does tell me she wants me to do what’s best for me. Every mom misses her son when they leave, but leaving for school gave me full independence for myself and allowed me to grow and learn. Fast forwarding to the present, I actually almost didn’t take the new opportunity that I’m starting soon because I felt bad and guilty about not staying near home and near family. That would have been a mistake. Coming back home recently gave me closure in a sense that I made the right decision. At some point, a man needs to leave his boyhood behind and do what he needs to accomplish in this world.

People have always tried to hold me back. Not just my mom not letting me go on trips with my friends because she feared for my safety, but also other people trying to drag me back to their comfort zone when I improved. In my middle school, I was sort of a nerdy kid that wore those glasses that turned into shades in sunlight. “Best friends” with all the girls but didn’t date any of them. A year later, I lost the glasses and got contacts. I started dressing better. Focused more on my sport and getting better. Started reading some of that early, early PUA material and trying to apply it. I started dating this new pretty girl who just transferred. She was someone that no one thought I could never get with.

Man, I was never met with so much hate and drama in my life. “Wow you changed. What happened to you? You’re different now I don’t even know you” A bunch of false rumors about us. Hate on social media. I really didn’t know who was my friend anymore. They saw a former nerdy kid grow and improve and they didn’t take it well. It definitely got to me. I couldn’t stand people not liking me. Most days honestly sucked cause I was so worried about everyone turning on me. People were fake. Nice some times but talking shit behind my back. But I remember being fed up and not caring after a while.

I ended up leaving the school that year (I was already planning on it before the hate started) to go to a bigger school. It definitely helped for later challenges but that was an eye opener and shocker for me.


#26

Just got back from seeing an incarcerated loved one for the first time in about a year.

Felt very at ease the whole time. Even the car ride there with my dad. Me and my dad’s relationship is way better now ever since I went away for school. But there have been car rides in the past where I just didn’t feel like talking to him at all. This wasn’t the case today.

A situation like visiting the loved one given the circumstances, in the past I would have been dreading the whole time. But I felt great the entire drive. Joyful to be alive and experience existence. I had that feeling of excitement and wonder you have as a little kid when you go and experience something completely new, like when you visit a new city filled with awe. There were short moments of uneasiness and nervousness but honestly nothing significant.

We get to the prison waiting room and the wait was way longer than expected. The whole time I had that buzzing feeling but I wasn’t running the sub. When I was walking around, I noticed my walk was swaggin. Even when walking around guards, inmates, etc. I remember getting patted down and something genuinely made me laugh cause it was funny. The guard, who was originally alert and tense, started laughing too. I didn’t even say anything, just started laughing.

Visit went well. Was more calm and less in my head than the last couple times I’ve seen the loved one. We never had the strongest relationship either which made me try to over speak in the past to relieve somewhat awkward moments that arose. The conversation was just very natural this time and flowed. Let them talk most of the time.

Went back to the locker to get my stuff after and noticed this pretty girl with her kids and she was eye-fucking me hard. If I had to guess she was there visiting her baby-daddy. My dad even pointed this out to me later. Held eye contact for a second or two but honestly I should’ve held it longer. Holding stronger, longer eye contact is one of the things I need to get better at. Didn’t say hi or go talk to her, would’ve felt weird with my parents right there. But maybe this is another limitation and excuse I need to destroy.

Despite the environment and circumstances I was in, I just felt straight up swaggin today. This was my first time getting out the house in a few days as well. Tempted to go to the outlets tomorrow, upgrade my wardrobe, and start chatting up people.


#27

that is incredible


#28

I love this.

Language structures consciousness. And the way you phrased that is very empowering, very positive, and you will see great results with such an attitude!

I am personally impressed, not many people reframe things in such an empowering way naturally. Or maybe you’ve been working on this for years?

Yes, Khan Total Breakdown, as well as the first weeks of Emperor v4, did this to me.

I took it as an exercise in self-mastery: I would learn to push myself while still being kind to myself to do the next possible action that will take me one step forward.

It was HARD. But I become stronger because of it.

There is a great book on this actually, called Turning Pro: A Professional does his work no matter how he feels inside. An amateur is the one under the whim of his emotions, and stops taking action if he doesn’t feel like doing it. I recommend it.

Yes, I grew up in a similar situation. I actually actively sabotaged myself just after university to prove the authoritative parents wrong. It was dumb, but I felt at the time if I did what they wanted, I would be walking right into a prison for the rest of my life of continuing to follow what they wanted, rather than do what is important to me. And through a rocky journey of ups and downs, I can finally say that all my life now is on my terms, in the ways that empower me and reflect my truth and positivity.

You are very correct.

You only have 1 life. Never ever waste it.

Seize the day, get to your results faster, and spend more years living the good life you wish for, rather than more time struggling.

There isn’t much of a virtue in delaying things or making the wrong choices, and ending up suffering longer.

Some people subconsciously sabotage themselves because they think there is something good about taking more pain and suffering a longer time, even if their conscious mind doesn’t want that.

Hahaha, yes, it happened to me in high school!

One of the most cruel things is the girl I had a crush on asked me to go tell another guy she liked him.

It was all part of the greater recipe of becoming a man and developing real Character.

I am an introvert, so when this happened to me too, I ignored everyone, waited to get out of High School, because I knew there will be University in the end, where I will start a new page.

Maybe that part of me was already developed. Or maybe I drew some confidence from the future me.

Awesome! I encourage you to go for it!


#29

Removed my goals from my OP. I recall a study that showed that sharing your goals before achieving them can make you less likely to follow through. It just felt good and validating to have my goals out there and made me feel like I already worked towards them without doing much. This has happened to me in the past countless times. I’d say I was going to do something and then never do did it. I’m taking all measures to make sure that doesn’t happen again. I do, however, believe in the power of sharing the process and progress towards my goals as well as the power of the inspiration, advice, and support of the community.

Day 8 (Khan TB: 93 hours)
Pushing through that lethargic feeling more than before, although a lot of the time I feel like doing absolutely nothing. Could be partly due to me being back home and not having fuck-all to do here. We will see when I return back to my actual place later this week. At the start I couldn’t even get myself to read, but I’ve been soaking up knowledge more with this downtime that I have. Starting to think this “intertia”-like feeling is somewhat related to a fear of failure? If so, Khan TB is getting deep in there.

Went to the mall today to grab some things and met up with an old friend beforehand for some food. I felt in the present moment and out of my head despite not leaving the house and socializing for the past couple days. Usually if I go a couple days without socializing, it’ll take a little while to get back in that groove. I was smiling and in a flow from the start. Some times I’ll get slight social anxiety and worry about what other people are thinking of me, how I look, how I’m carrying myself, etc. None of that today.

A couple days ago I was on video chat with a friend and my insecurity with my voice popped up. Hasn’t popped up in a while but it did during this call. I replied to a thread like a month ago about it, but long story short, I was mocked about it some years back in school and it made me really insecure about my voice and how it sounded and how others would perceive me because of it. Dreaded public speaking because of it but got over it (so I thought) over the years and after giving a decent number of presentations for school. Most of the video call with my friend my insecurity about my voice was back. I felt like I wasn’t really projecting my voice either.

Piggybacking off this, later that same day, I started getting some worries and insecurities about me starting my job. Will people like me? What will I stay to them? Yada yada. This is all stuff that I used to struggle with when I was younger. These thoughts used to always be in my head when talking to new groups of people. I thought I was largely past this point of my life (caring about my voice and about integrating with new groups of people)l, but I guess not completely and those insecurities are/were still deep hiding somewhere.

Is this normal for Khan TB? To dig up rooted insecurities and sort of manifest them physically, even if just for a day? This was a couple days ago, and ever since I’ve been way better. Although I haven’t been in another video chat or had to meet new groups of people, I have been chatting with friends over the phone and been out and about fine and relaxed. I do feel better, more present, and more carefree than before Khan TB even though I’ve been out way less than before I started.

Been reading and learning a lot. Since that voice relevation came back, I’ve looking at voice exercises and tips to improve my voice and speaking. Especially with my sales job, improving this is improving my sales capabilities. This is why this job drew me in. Sales skills and life/social skills overlap. By improving one, I am, more often than not, improving the other. Feels good to improve my career and social skills all at once.

Books I’m currently reading are Think and Grow Rich by Napoloen Hill as well as Persuasion: The Art of Getting What You Want by David Lakhani. Also started an audiobook of The 50th Law as well. That one just drew me in. Also starting studying NLP. That’ll help with sales and just life in general. Snyder is a genius.

That’s all for now. Overall, I like what TB is doing. I have a strong feeling that it’s doing some serious work in destroying these limiting beliefs. I appreciate all the feedback and responses I’m getting.
The journey continues…


#30

Yes. Yes. Yes! What’s inside ends up outside and it’s a test - a baptism of fire.
I remember @y.o.b conquering his deep rooted sexual performance fears in front of a woman.


#31

Day 11 (Khan TB: 114 hours)

Been pinpointing the sources of some of my shortcomings growing up (self-esteem issues, people pleasing, self-control, social anxiety): the authoritarian parenting style of my dad. Without getting into too much detail, everything that has been in his environment has been damaged in some way including my siblings and even our goddamn dog. Was reading a resource on the effects of authoritarian parenting and it started to make me mad. Among other things, I realized that, nowadays, I am defiant and hate being told what to do because of this style.

I had a coach who was also authoritarian mainly towards me. Constant criticism and swift punishment with no encouragement. Others would get away with way worse mistakes. I went from a pretty decent player to losing effectively all of my confidence. It became an endless feedback loop. I believe I was the scapegoat because I allowed myself to be. Whether it was because of my dad’s programming or not, I never stood up for myself or asserted myself to this authority figure. Another kid who was good but quiet didn’t stand up when it happened to him either. He was caught in the same loop and became a shitty player. But another guy flipped out and almost quit the team when he was subjected to it. He was never ‘harassed’ again. Our internal thoughts and state of being transmute themselves into our external environment and physical reality. Side note: I find out this coach got fired from his last coaching gig within a year for being an absolute spaz.

Yesterday, me and my mom reconciled about her emotional attachment to me. She actually brought up this idea of ‘cutting off the umbilical cord’ that her therapist was preaching to her regarding a situation with my sibling. This was the perfect segue to open up to her about my life story and struggles growing up and the ways I was influenced by society and how I was raised. This was a complete shock to her as she sees me now and the improvements I’ve made. I told her that a boy needs to grow up some day and conquer his world. She completely agreed and felt bad that she was in some way holding me back. Gave me more closure on me moving away from my family.

I feel like pinpointing the sources of our beliefs and seeing how the event associated with them are the cause is the key to eliminating them. Pinpoint them, realize they are ridiculous and faulty, and watch them crumble. Applying NLP should help with this.


#32

David Snyder is a genius.
Just watched this video and sharing it here as I believe it might help some people.


#33

Thank you for linking that video, brotha.


#34

What resource was this? If be interested in reading that.

If it’s been told to us over and over again, we own it, we believe it and we allow it. Great insight.


#35

Here’s the article. It’s useful to understand the factors and events that led us to develop certain characteristics as kids. I used to think I was just born a shy kid… nope, my environment and my parents had a lot to do with it.


#36

Day 13 (Khan TB: 121.75 hours)

Took a day off from listening yesterday. I finally left my parent’s house and moved back to my actual place. It was a decently long drive and felt my head have that buzzing feeling at times.

My housemates were going out and even though I was tired I figured why not. I had a fantastic night despite not being in a proper social environment for like two weeks. I talked to a bunch of people, some I knew and some I’ve never met before.

I went out sober (haven’t drank in like 2 months or something). It’s night and day compared to when I tried to go out sober years ago. It’s also night and day compared to when I’ve been going out drunk. Being sober allows me to be aware of my surroundings and pick up on a lot of little things. I was holding eye contact with girls who were looking at me. This might’ve happened before but I would have no idea as I’d be too drunk to realize. These subs put me in the right mind to be sober and just be myself without the crutch of alcohol. My insecurities about myself are melting away. Before, if I was sober or not blacked out, I’d be in my head.

The only hiccup came when me and my friend were talking to these two girls I’ve never met before. Everything was fun and great and we were having a good time. Then my friend pulled me over and told me they had a friend who was asking about me and wanted me basically. After that, I felt like I was on the spot to force and make something happen rather than let things flow naturally. I think the friend had already gone home at that point (but I didn’t know that) so I didn’t get to talk to her, but I was definitely in my head after that and didn’t feel natural talking to those girls.

Overall, great night and I had a lot of fun. I didn’t open up a million strangers but I did do a couple and it was great. I just did what felt natural and let it come to me. I didn’t force any conversations. I can feel my sober social and seduction skills building up. I start my new job next week so there will be updates on that soon. Also have a date set up today so will gives updates on that as well.


#37

I forgot to mention that at least 5 different times my friends who hadn’t seen me in awhile said I looked like I slimmed down and been hitting the gym. IF + Muay Thai. Good to know cause the scale hasn’t been moving much recently. I haven’t lifted weights in like 3-4 months, but I’ve been building up and retaining muscle from all those Muay Thai strength and conditioning “warm-ups” (if warm-ups are supposed to cause 99% of the class to grimace in pain).

Also been mewing for two and a half weeks and my face appears to be more toned and a little sharper in the mirror. I haven’t compared the before and after pics yet (gonna wait a couple months) so could be imagining this.


#38

That’s awesome. What’s your IF window?
Do you also chew to grow your masseters?


#39

It really varies. I always get at least 16 hours but it’s hard to say. Some days I get in 18, others 20-22. I just did two 24 hr fasts last week. Went for 46 another day.
As long as I get in 16 then I’m good. The extra is just a bonus.

And yeah I try to chew gum when I remember but I’m not too strict on that. Been looking into tongue chewing too.


#40

I also forgot to mention that I dropped Ev4 on the 20th. I haven’t added PCC yet. I’m gonna let ST1 ride solo till approx. 500 hours which will probably take me beyond 30 days. Then I’ll let ST2 play for a week or two and then reevaluate when I should add PCC.