I will, you’re exactly right. Just tempted to jump around to try other subs, but I think it’s reconcilliation at this point. I’ve seen this tendency come up from various journals from time to time. I’m glad I’ve seen them, and compared to what I am feeling.
Not sure if it was meant to be as such, but I see Emperor as a form of healing as well. I’ve been so down on myself for many years, my masculinity, self-esteem and “alpha” mentality certainly has suffered. I have never wanted to be someone that’s not a leader, I don’t like taking orders, and I was never happy being a sidekick of anything or anyone.
How can I be in my happy place if my self-esteem has suffered so much that I am stuck in limbo. Being my own man is the only thing that would give me fulfilment, and yet I don’t believe in myself.
I chose EQ to reinforce that masculinity again, plus the healing subs to finally clear the emotional hangups and issues I have locked inside my psyche; I am guessing many of those traumas are hidden, and the only solution I see is to get to the root cause by going with subliminals.
Fighting fire with fire so to speak, because my concious mind, right now is not at all where I want it to be. Too negative, undisciplined, cynical, skeptical and defeatist. It has grown so complacent in living in mediocrity, it honestly angers me that I let myself be this way. A coward because I wanted so much, and yet too afraid to reach for them.
Not sure if this is some form of healing, I don’t usually share these thoughts, but here I am typing away. All I know is I have to be honest when writing here on my journals so I could compare my notes in the future, see the changes, perhaps help me diagnose and fix the issues I am not seeing right now.