Reflections of Apollo

#631

~2 days rest days~

#632

Still my rest day today but Iā€™ve had some interesting things happen and some realizations.

I decided to invest with myself at a time when I almost had zero options, and from where I am now and what I was then, it was night and day. Both mentally and financially. Sure Iā€™m not yet a multimillionaire but my income has improved, I was able to pay off some debts and I have rejuvinated my positive outlook.

This pandemic was insidious. Not only did it destroy lives, directly or indirectly, itā€™s effects would be felt for many more years to come. I had a business that I fostered for many years, suddenly torpedoed with my carcass constantly picked clean by banks and lessors who are all too eager when they smelled blood in the water. I did not lose my honor but I lost my head. I thought I was on my way to being financially stable, travel to places I wanted and just enjoy what life has to offer while Iā€™m still around. Anywayā€¦ itā€™s not something I wish not to relive, Iā€™m tired of carrying that cross.

Back to my stack. My memory is fuzzy but I seem to remember Saint mentioned that if youā€™re not actively looking for more relationships P might be better than PSā€¦ and he was right. Iā€™ve had some manifestations that I am certain it was due to PS.

That said, my intention was to become a complete man, both healthy financially, spiritually, physically and sexually. I wanted to lose some inhibitions I had, and wanted to be more comfortable in my own skin. Itā€™s not my intention to break hearts with it. When I realized a situation is about to go up another level, I had to back off. PS is real. Itā€™s powerful. While Iā€™m at it, Iā€™ll mention Emperor. Yes dating on EQ is very much possible. Seriously potent even. I had some recon at first when I lost my libido, but itā€™s back, with extras.

When youā€™re using a stack, you somehow know and can pinpoint which one is doing which. I have a pretty clear idea what PS and EQ was doing for me individually. You can certainly tame EQ in the dating departmentā€¦ and itā€™s not itā€™s priority, but when it does something, it does something very well. It only needs to be interested.

PS, however. It somehow activated that hunter mode in me that I thought I did not have anymore. Not just some hunter, but a really good one. A complete natural thatā€™s just ridicuously smooth in more intimate conversations. Itā€™s fun, I felt good, but I also know my current situation, and what my priorities are. I need to get back what I lost, and secure myself financially so Iā€™d never go through that hell again. Perhaps eventually gather the courage to even study again on the side and fix my credentials. Iā€™m not sure online learning is for me, I tried it numerous times but I just could not focus as well as in an actual class. Go away pandemic, youā€™re cramping so much styles.

That said, I love the inner game and the nonchalance. Iā€™m going to continue using PS for a month more and then switch to P when I hit my 3 month mark. I will just actively direct it and tame it until then.

#633

Day 4

DR, EQ, PSQ

I realized one of my biggest problems is sticking with a program, so I punished myself by resetting my start date. I used to read a lot of journals here in the forums, but the more I read, the more I get tempted to try something else. Itā€™s hard not to visit and interact as often because so many journals are tremendously fascinating and inspiring, but I realized I need to lessen the temptation if I am to going to successfuly stay with a program for the long term. Iā€™ll treat it like quitting smoking and the less temptation the better so I could stick with it.

To note, I still havenā€™t smoked for months now and I noticed Iā€™ve been taking care of myself even better. My enthusiasm to work out regularly has also been rejuvinated, and doing OMAD is a piece of cake. Since the restrictions, I used to have the occasional cheat meal movie date nights and itā€™s been some time since I did that. Iā€™m just not interested lately. For some reason it doesnā€™t feel good for me if I eat dinner, I feel lousy in the morning. Perhaps EQ is helping me discipline myself because I know itā€™s not a good habit to form.

Right now I feel positive, centered, calm and new possibilities are slowly coming to me. I could attribute this to either DR or EQ, or both. Iā€™m still on ST1 for more than a month now I gather. That said my enthusiasm and joie de vivre is slowly coming back, and itā€™s not just the fleeting excitement that I had before, but this time itā€™s something deeper that I couldnā€™t explain. Itā€™s like a spark, and I had to reflect deeply to realize itā€™s there.

To my joy that spark is still here and somehow slowly taking over and becoming my base. Itā€™s like after the recon and once I gained equilibrium, clouds parted and I see it, right infront of me. It is remarkable to have that small glimmer of light inside, and to find itā€™s still there, flickering defiantly in the middle of a storm. It must grow, in time, as I nourish and protect it. My life before the reignition of that ember is akin to an unfinished death.

This year is going to be great for many of us here in the playground of the gods, and I wish everyone here well. If thereā€™s anyone reading this journal, or to my future self in case I dwindle, stay with it and stay strong. Every journey starts with the first step, as the saying goes.

#634

Thatā€™s not uncommon. People give up , donā€™t see what they want instantly , or run more advanced programs without doing any sort of foundational or deep inner work. Things take time. It may seem like your life went wrong or messed up overnight or over a few days , a week , or a month but it didnā€™t and purging and resolving those issues takes time.

#635

Encouragement to run DR until the end of the pandemic when we can all actually go outside and interact with people

#636

Thank you my friend.

#637

:yum:

:angel:t2:

#638

:1st_place_medal::trophy:

#639

Day 5

DR, EQ, PS

Just got done working out, and man did I miss that. My hands are still shaking as I type this, it feels so good.

PS. I aim to direct and tame it now that I know whatā€™s it really about. Iā€™m still going to finish 3 months on it though. EQ rein me in.

Cheers

#640

Day 6

Dragon Reborn ST 1

EQ

PS

#641

@Brandon @Apollo I thought you two would get a laugh out of this

I have been having really bad brain lapses the last couple of days. Yesterday I was making my Wife and I breakfast and went to crack an egg and instead of putting it on the pan to cook I dropped it in the trash. Today I went to change my catā€™s water and emptied his bowl and put the bowl back without filling it with fresh water

#642

Lol thatā€™s funny. That actually happened to me one timeā€¦ and several people saw it. Good times.

#643

An update on my subs. But really just to journal cause I donā€™t know how to feel about this, and Iā€™m not sure how to release. Could it be recon? I donā€™t feel good inside. Not at this moment at least.

DRā€¦ I think Iā€™m getting ready to jump to ST2. Perhaps Iā€™ll begin tomorrow. Started since Dec 9.

EQ. Hell of a sub. I love it.

PSā€¦ I donā€™t even. You work almost too wellā€¦ The S in PS is the real deal for sure. I may need to switch to P sooner than I planned.

#644

Day 7

Dragon Reborn ST 1 Re-read the description and Iā€™m not exactly there yet. More ST1

EQ

PS

#645

I was just reading what @PurpleRT73 posted about Emperor Q and Commander Ultima. It has me curious. That independent confidence would be so much fun.

#646

I agree. I think EQ is anchoring me and keeping my head straight. Iā€™m still doing some asinine stuff but EQ is making sure I do those things in my free time or at the bare minimum. With EQ, I just feel more solid inside. I donā€™t feel much aggression but I noticed I just brush things off.

Like the other day, someone did something I didnā€™t like, I was clear that I didnā€™t like it, and when they apologized, I just left it at that. I actually forgot about the incident until right now.

Itā€™s a good tandem with PS. Have you seen one of those old school cartoons when a character dances on stage and from the side a hook just appears and grabs the character by the neck? Thatā€™s how EQ feels when Iā€™m drifting into something that I wouldnā€™t say destructive but not too helpful either.

Iā€™m having some manifestations too. Not like Stark though, Stark is like a walking good luck magnet, but the manifestations on EQ are more opportunities to make money and to grow it. Iā€™d share it here in the forums once it comes to fruition, itā€™s nothing spectacular at the moment but it should help me recover some broken bits from the last year. I am definitely optimistic.

#647

Day 8

Dragon Reborn ST 1

EQ

PS

Lovebomb Ultima prototype - This is timely, it would be my first sub during the day, and it could give me an idea about itā€™s effects and how long it lasts. Iā€™ll keep an eye out for something extraordinary.

#648

Look for anything out of the ordinary, or increased reactions from people. Now that itā€™s kicking in, I can see what itā€™s doing.

#649

@Apollo Having a shit day here. Moody as fuck .

#650

Yep same hereā€¦ Iā€™m being shit tested actually for some days now. The ultima is right on time.

Take it easy man, listen to some music, listen to some calming subs sang/elix.

I had anxiety the other day, still have it now to some degree, maybe the ultima will help there as well.

Iā€™ll log it in later before my day ends.