~2 days rest days~
Reflections of Apollo
Still my rest day today but Iāve had some interesting things happen and some realizations.
I decided to invest with myself at a time when I almost had zero options, and from where I am now and what I was then, it was night and day. Both mentally and financially. Sure Iām not yet a multimillionaire but my income has improved, I was able to pay off some debts and I have rejuvinated my positive outlook.
This pandemic was insidious. Not only did it destroy lives, directly or indirectly, itās effects would be felt for many more years to come. I had a business that I fostered for many years, suddenly torpedoed with my carcass constantly picked clean by banks and lessors who are all too eager when they smelled blood in the water. I did not lose my honor but I lost my head. I thought I was on my way to being financially stable, travel to places I wanted and just enjoy what life has to offer while Iām still around. Anyway⦠itās not something I wish not to relive, Iām tired of carrying that cross.
Back to my stack. My memory is fuzzy but I seem to remember Saint mentioned that if youāre not actively looking for more relationships P might be better than PS⦠and he was right. Iāve had some manifestations that I am certain it was due to PS.
That said, my intention was to become a complete man, both healthy financially, spiritually, physically and sexually. I wanted to lose some inhibitions I had, and wanted to be more comfortable in my own skin. Itās not my intention to break hearts with it. When I realized a situation is about to go up another level, I had to back off. PS is real. Itās powerful. While Iām at it, Iāll mention Emperor. Yes dating on EQ is very much possible. Seriously potent even. I had some recon at first when I lost my libido, but itās back, with extras.
When youāre using a stack, you somehow know and can pinpoint which one is doing which. I have a pretty clear idea what PS and EQ was doing for me individually. You can certainly tame EQ in the dating department⦠and itās not itās priority, but when it does something, it does something very well. It only needs to be interested.
PS, however. It somehow activated that hunter mode in me that I thought I did not have anymore. Not just some hunter, but a really good one. A complete natural thatās just ridicuously smooth in more intimate conversations. Itās fun, I felt good, but I also know my current situation, and what my priorities are. I need to get back what I lost, and secure myself financially so Iād never go through that hell again. Perhaps eventually gather the courage to even study again on the side and fix my credentials. Iām not sure online learning is for me, I tried it numerous times but I just could not focus as well as in an actual class. Go away pandemic, youāre cramping so much styles.
That said, I love the inner game and the nonchalance. Iām going to continue using PS for a month more and then switch to P when I hit my 3 month mark. I will just actively direct it and tame it until then.
Day 4
DR, EQ, PSQ
I realized one of my biggest problems is sticking with a program, so I punished myself by resetting my start date. I used to read a lot of journals here in the forums, but the more I read, the more I get tempted to try something else. Itās hard not to visit and interact as often because so many journals are tremendously fascinating and inspiring, but I realized I need to lessen the temptation if I am to going to successfuly stay with a program for the long term. Iāll treat it like quitting smoking and the less temptation the better so I could stick with it.
To note, I still havenāt smoked for months now and I noticed Iāve been taking care of myself even better. My enthusiasm to work out regularly has also been rejuvinated, and doing OMAD is a piece of cake. Since the restrictions, I used to have the occasional cheat meal movie date nights and itās been some time since I did that. Iām just not interested lately. For some reason it doesnāt feel good for me if I eat dinner, I feel lousy in the morning. Perhaps EQ is helping me discipline myself because I know itās not a good habit to form.
Right now I feel positive, centered, calm and new possibilities are slowly coming to me. I could attribute this to either DR or EQ, or both. Iām still on ST1 for more than a month now I gather. That said my enthusiasm and joie de vivre is slowly coming back, and itās not just the fleeting excitement that I had before, but this time itās something deeper that I couldnāt explain. Itās like a spark, and I had to reflect deeply to realize itās there.
To my joy that spark is still here and somehow slowly taking over and becoming my base. Itās like after the recon and once I gained equilibrium, clouds parted and I see it, right infront of me. It is remarkable to have that small glimmer of light inside, and to find itās still there, flickering defiantly in the middle of a storm. It must grow, in time, as I nourish and protect it. My life before the reignition of that ember is akin to an unfinished death.
This year is going to be great for many of us here in the playground of the gods, and I wish everyone here well. If thereās anyone reading this journal, or to my future self in case I dwindle, stay with it and stay strong. Every journey starts with the first step, as the saying goes.
Thatās not uncommon. People give up , donāt see what they want instantly , or run more advanced programs without doing any sort of foundational or deep inner work. Things take time. It may seem like your life went wrong or messed up overnight or over a few days , a week , or a month but it didnāt and purging and resolving those issues takes time.
Encouragement to run DR until the end of the pandemic when we can all actually go outside and interact with people
Day 5
DR, EQ, PS
Just got done working out, and man did I miss that. My hands are still shaking as I type this, it feels so good.
PS. I aim to direct and tame it now that I know whatās it really about. Iām still going to finish 3 months on it though. EQ rein me in.
Cheers
@Brandon @Apollo I thought you two would get a laugh out of this
I have been having really bad brain lapses the last couple of days. Yesterday I was making my Wife and I breakfast and went to crack an egg and instead of putting it on the pan to cook I dropped it in the trash. Today I went to change my catās water and emptied his bowl and put the bowl back without filling it with fresh water
Lol thatās funny. That actually happened to me one time⦠and several people saw it. Good times.
An update on my subs. But really just to journal cause I donāt know how to feel about this, and Iām not sure how to release. Could it be recon? I donāt feel good inside. Not at this moment at least.
DR⦠I think Iām getting ready to jump to ST2. Perhaps Iāll begin tomorrow. Started since Dec 9.
EQ. Hell of a sub. I love it.
PS⦠I donāt even. You work almost too well⦠The S in PS is the real deal for sure. I may need to switch to P sooner than I planned.
Day 7
Dragon Reborn ST 1 Re-read the description and Iām not exactly there yet. More ST1
EQ
PS
I was just reading what @PurpleRT73 posted about Emperor Q and Commander Ultima. It has me curious. That independent confidence would be so much fun.
I agree. I think EQ is anchoring me and keeping my head straight. Iām still doing some asinine stuff but EQ is making sure I do those things in my free time or at the bare minimum. With EQ, I just feel more solid inside. I donāt feel much aggression but I noticed I just brush things off.
Like the other day, someone did something I didnāt like, I was clear that I didnāt like it, and when they apologized, I just left it at that. I actually forgot about the incident until right now.
Itās a good tandem with PS. Have you seen one of those old school cartoons when a character dances on stage and from the side a hook just appears and grabs the character by the neck? Thatās how EQ feels when Iām drifting into something that I wouldnāt say destructive but not too helpful either.
Iām having some manifestations too. Not like Stark though, Stark is like a walking good luck magnet, but the manifestations on EQ are more opportunities to make money and to grow it. Iād share it here in the forums once it comes to fruition, itās nothing spectacular at the moment but it should help me recover some broken bits from the last year. I am definitely optimistic.
Day 8
Dragon Reborn ST 1
EQ
PS
Lovebomb Ultima prototype - This is timely, it would be my first sub during the day, and it could give me an idea about itās effects and how long it lasts. Iāll keep an eye out for something extraordinary.
Look for anything out of the ordinary, or increased reactions from people. Now that itās kicking in, I can see what itās doing.
Yep same here⦠Iām being shit tested actually for some days now. The ultima is right on time.
Take it easy man, listen to some music, listen to some calming subs sang/elix.
I had anxiety the other day, still have it now to some degree, maybe the ultima will help there as well.
Iāll log it in later before my day ends.