Hi! My name is DarkPhilosopher and I approve of this message.
Sorry to hear about your family stuff. It’s harsh.
I’m not very familiar with your culture, but most moms will love their children even if they are disappointed with them. And as a woman, she will likely forgive even if she never forgets. But first, you have to forgive yourself.
Also know that a heartfelt apology (at the right time) is not a sign of weakness or PCC failing you any more than opening up a door or pulling out a chair for a woman. Or joining a 10 year old at the table because their mind simply doesn’t “get” the adult hierarchy yet.
On the contrary, an apology can be a very effective “strategy” to diffuse a situation. I rarely apologize for my behavior, although I may sometimes admit I could have handled things better. But when I do apologize, I truly mean it and that shows. And often the person I apologize to will indicate they may have overreacted.
As I said, I am not familiar with your culture, but we are all human under it, right? Forgive yourself, accept the situation without getting stuck in it, take a deep breath and figure out where to go from here. Maybe you both need to focus on other things for a little while.
If you think I’m completely wrong, that’s your right. I’m not going to apologize for it.
And now back to the answer to AMASH…
I recently came to the realization that it’s almost impossible to give each sub the time it requires every day. I would probably have to listen for 5 months per stage to get to the point where I’ve gotten everything out of a stage. Especially now that I’m back at work, trying to learn new stuff and figuring out my new rhythm.
Even though action taking is great to get the most out of your subs, it also takes energy away that your subconscious uses to process those subs. So the more active my life becomes, the longer I should stick to a stage.
I’m not complaining, but AMASH was right about two things (well, he’s probably right about a lot of things).
First, I’m a veteran, I can switch from hyper-active to meditative in seconds and my mind can deal with the massive scripts without throwing me into a reconciliation roller-coaster. It can process a lot without getting stressed. And even when things are too much, it will drop the rest rather than pile it on and try to deal with it.
To others, it may pile up until they lose their composure because their mind is getting too overwhelmed to keep up trained behavior and so it goes primal, ejecting all that energy in all directions. Something that might have happened in your case.
Second, I shall always recommend against running more than two major subs at once. If I had to do it all over again, knowing that I had time enough to go slow, I would have done them one by one. Khan first, then add in EoG once I was comfortable at Khan ST4, and replace Khan ST4 with Alchemist ST1 once I got comfortable with EoG ST4. Always running only two at a time, one of them having already completed at ST4.
As a matter of fact, I have been feeling strange lately. Even though I’ve been experiencing lots of changes lately and my life is taking off (finally), I feel like I’m hitting a plateau. Like my mind has reached a point of exhaustion with my stack.
Now I could take a break from subs, but that doesn’t feel right either. So instead I asked Saint if I could get EmpQ as well. Running it exclusively for a little while will give me a suitable “shock to the system” that should break through the perceived plateau and allow me to switch back to my own stack afterwards. The effects will probably be quite noticeable, which would make Saint happy.
What works for me may not work for others. It’s awesome you have opted out of EmpQ, mecharc. Resisting impulses and temptation is a lesson everybody should learn.
Regarding your admission before all your family issues started…
You should also know that for the past few weeks I have been engaging in a lot of sex, alone and otherwise. So much that it makes me late to work and drains my energy. So even after months of good work, I too experience a regression in that department every other month or so. It happens, we are men after all. You’ll have times where you ignore sex altogether and times when you can’t get enough of it. Times when Internet porn is super boring but mental fantasies will make you waste hours while you play them out, and times when you need the endless instant variety without using your imagination that the Internet brings. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Few people can transmute their sexual energy while their mind is busy telling them to go hump somebody’s leg.