Solitude & growth - Experiences on Terminus Custom


#221

Usually when I use healing subs, I don’t have any manifestation in my life and I have a really bad vibe. I’ve done this week of using my healing ultima. I’ll stop using it this week end and next week. The point of using this ultima is to do some strong and quick burst of healing.

For example, I ran one loop of Emperor Terminus last week, mixed with a couple of loops of Khan St1 for the healing. I wrote down my text about why I don’t meet girls I really finds attractive. 36-48h later (I wrote my text friday or saturday morning I think and the girl was “manifested” into my life sunday at 5pm let’s say).

Healing usually are followed by a rebound in manifestation because you clear out some stuff regarding your ability to “do it”. But it will really happens after the healing, not during. So I’ll see how much time it takes before my ultima healing custom “clear’s out” of my system so I can manifest stuff again!


#222

One thing that brings me a great lot of stress is disappointing people. I am not stressed by task or work I do alone. I am not stressed by task that needs to work because I know I can succeed. But when people are impacted by what I do, I know they have différents standards than I do.

It was the same at the bank when working on a mortgage or something. I was stressed because I wanted to get approved for the client and didn’t wanted to disappoint him. Same for the end of my session, I am afraid to disappoint my teammates and it stresses me out! It gives me a hard time with sleeping right now and I know stress is no good to libido.

I’ll probably do one loop of my healing Ultima right now to start working on this. I feel like one loop won’t be enough because it is something very very deep!

For people here who had these types of issues, what do you focus on? How do you manage those expectation or fear of disappointing other people?


#223

Just as I thought, I ran one loop. Some of my beliefs have been looked at. I don’t want confrontation? I am scared of being yelled at? I can call out people for being disrespectful. I can leave. I confronted my team a couple of times regarding the way we worked. I confronted clients who told bullshit. I have proof that those are false beliefs. I can also lower my expectation regarding… Sex and performance? What if people didn’t have as high expectation as I have for myself? What if “normal” sex wasn’t that bad?

Can I try it for the next month? Can I lower the expectation I think people have of me? Can I lower my expectation for sex?

Anyway, I’m sad now. I’ll finish the text I have to read and I’ll go to sleep… Let time help me process all of this.


#224

You act in a way so that in your heart of hearts you know you’ve done the best you can-your 100%
You communicate with them as much as necessary, (on professional content/matters) even if you feel/think it makes you look stupid or you’d rather avoid.

You’re enough unconditionally, you’re ‘performances’, in any area, don’t need to define you or you’re worth in yourself.

Happy Being Sad :slight_smile:


#225

The ENTP’s second decision function – Fe.

We are more aware of other people’s feelings than our own. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Plus, our primary function (Ne) gives us the arrogance to believe that we should be able to create perfect solutions and predict people’s feelings. (And we’re right more often than not.) :blush:

NeFe makes us good at sales, seduction, public speaking, etc. :yum:
It also makes us bad at setting goals / making decisions. :joy:


#226

One day I’ll be able to help myself with that. Should I focus my tertiary function on myself? It’s extraverted and mainly used to connect with people… I don’t know if I can slow it down.

Doing my best and communication. They will know.

I’ve always had the beliefs that my only value to woman was my dick…


#227

I am thinking of what I will do after my Master’s degree. I am thinking of starting a linkedin for a consulting business regarding HR and management practices.

I think this is Stark speaking to me right now and making me ask the right question! I’ll have to start working on this in the summer of 2021, this is where I decide if I will work in a company or start my new consulting practice (which is pretty hard since I don’t have any experience!).

I think the best course of action would be to go and work for a tech firm for a couple of years and then become a consultant (I would still get at least 60K+ per year I think)! Or jump as a junior consultant maybe! I’ve seen business model where you are a contractor of other consulting business and they call you when they need your help!

Update regarding Khan : I am currently in the phase where I am becoming accustomed to the results. Truth is, I still see I am on Khan, I do 3-4 loops of my terminus custom every week. I am starting back to build good habits (or trying), it is hard as always. But I am very social and can talk to people.

My libido is still low since I haven’t recovered 100% from my sarm usage… I wrote about it in my journal but I continued sarms during my knee recovery. My physiotherapist and my doctor told me my recuperation was amazing, which was my main objective at the moment. Now, my hormones are rebalancing.

My Nutrition is crazy consistent :

  • Avocados (2-3 avocados per day for Monounsaturated fat and vitamins)
  • Horse meat (rich in L-Carnitine, which are proven to upregulate testosterone receptors, lots of good vitamins for testosterone)
  • Oatmeal (great source of carbs, I eat it with cinnamon, which is great for insulin sensitivity and I add a little bit of stevia for taste, which is also good for insulin sensitivity)
  • MCT oil (liquid coconut oil, which is 93% MCT, excellent to boost the metabolism)
  • Fava beans (from time to time, which contains natural Levadopa, is known to boost testosterone)
  • Vegetables (greens, garlic, onions)
  • Eggs (rich in good fat, b vitamins, choline and other stuff)
  • Cottage cheese
  • Bread (every other day)

I currently eat something like 200-250 grams of carbs per day, more than 100-110g of fat per day and 150 grams of protein per day. I also add my omega 3, a multivitamin and probiotic for a healthy gut. High amount of monounsaturated fat in nutrition have been correlated with higher testosterone levels.

I do like one day a week where I go low fat (40g and eat a shit ton of white rice to boost my metabolism).


#228

:joy:such an empowering and disempowering belief at the same time

masculine presence, and appreciation from that place, seeing her real beauty,
clarity and direction, humor, imperturbability/ can’t be knocked, are all masculine gifts and of value to woman.


#229

It is!!

I’ll remember that. I also think my healing sub is really changing the vision I have! For now I can see that my presence is doing great with woman since I am calm af in life. But when I meet a woman I usually make it clear what kind of guy I am (I’m the dick guy). Like the cute law student I saw last week (which I want to see again because she look very calm), she asked me if I’ve even been in a serious relationship.


#230

I can agree with this for myself. Cool that we are both experiencing transformations with customs that are almost the same. I feel like it’s my time to shine.


#231

Hahaha what are you focusing your healing on?

I feel like I have a laser beam and I need to find my target to light it up.

@SubliminalUser Do you know how to find faulty beliefs? I feel like I have that weapon, but don’t know where to shoot! I’ll probably pass a second time on the beliefs I have already healed to make sure they don’t revert back!


#232

This morning I wrote in my personnal journal. I am still thinking about the girl I saw last time. I am scared she doesn’t want to see me anymore. I need a little bit of healing into this.

While running my custom ultima I see that this is only neediness because I don’t speak to a lot of this in these times and I don’t really want to invest lot of time into dating. So, now I want to see her again because I feel alone and I would like some hugs, she is hot and pretty fucking chill, which is nice. She talked about her anxiety which she worked a lot on (which is really important for me), but I don’t know a lot about her and I now see that our meetup was more sexual hahaha.

I don’t have control over her thoughts now, all I can do is see if she want to see me again wheter it’s sexual or to know each other better. She left to see her family for like two weeks so the “magic” is a little bit gone on my side… it’s probably the same on her side, so she will make more of a logical choice now of if she wants to see me again. And this is out of my control.

Here are my insecurity for today.


#233

I may have missed it before, have you gotten physical with this girl yet?

I’m experiencing very similar things on and off with woman I’ve seen/ am seeing


#234

Just masturbate her in her bed. With my knee and my medium libido I choose to not get my dick out :wink:

I told her we’ll see each other again. This week I got hit with my seasonal affective disorder. I take vitamin D and 5 htp already so it’s less strong than the last few years. I decided to add Sam-e to my stack and for now it seems like it reduce my symptoms to nearly zero (except my sleep!!). So, my outlook for the future is more positive :wink:

But I’ll still take your advice :slight_smile: I would like to hear your experience with this!


#235

I experimented with every build type offered by the Q series. Terminus worked very well when it comes to Stark. However when used with emperor, ascension i immediately went down the dark path of reconcliation. So these days I stick to Q unless its Stark based.


#236

I have found that stuff like 5 htp which i believe increases serotonin has a detrimental effect on my sex drive.


#237

You are right! I should lower my dosage, I am currently at 200mg per day, I should stick with the lower end, I’ll start by going to 100mg see how it goes. For now Sam-E seems to help my mood!


#238

Taking a break… Will run only one loop SM and one loop Emperor fitness St2 every day.


#239

What are you running these days besides SM and Emperor Fitness?


#240

Well, I was still running my Khan St4 terminus custom, recently I’ve added my Stark+SS Q custom and my custom healing Ultima :wink:

Now I feel like taking a small break from all of these. I ran only 2 loop per day of Q this week end and I’ll continue running only 2 loops of Q this week. Next week I’ll assess how I feel!