Solitude & growth - Experiences on Terminus Custom


#21

Emperor does that to me too. It’s like the mind is looking for the slightest offence/excuse to write off every relationship. :smile:


#22

Glad to see I am not alone,

But I can tell, almost no eye contact with people of my team, except a girl (because even tho she has a boyfriend, we kinda have this vibe). NO eye contact with the two other girls… I don’t uderstand anything!

Still freaking the f out because of my surgery, I don’t want to accept that I’ll need help. I’m having trouble accepting that I’ll need to stop working out. And I am having trouble sleeping because of it. Anyway, I’ll have to accept it, don’t really have a choice.


#23

I’m at the gym right now and I am mad af. I don’t know why my emotions are so out of whack, I’m scared to talk to people… Right now I just want to see the world burn…


#24

What have you been running? Maybe take a break if possible :thinking: rest up.


#25

I am terminus version. It brings out the hate in me.

But I’m fine now, I just have shot ton of emotionnal volatility.

I’ll do my break this weekend!


#26

So, yesterday I ran my loop and I was going on and off with my emotions. I’ve had moments of bonding and chattting with people who study with me. It’s working slowly.

One thing also, it seems I have lost my aura. Usually my SS aura makes woman very interested in looking at me. With the I am module in my custom it seems my aura is not present anymore.

I think my thought going all around about bad stuff and reorganizing is fucking up my intent, my good vibe. I don’t know what my vibe looks like right now but it’s probably not that good :joy:

Anyway, I made sure to include Potentiator, Panther and S&S in my custom to make sure I am would destroy bad thought regarding sex, seduction.

I also put emperor mixed with I am because I wanted to heal the masculine side of myself. I wanted to know it more, live it more and be at peace with it.

Right now I am is crusing a lot of beliefs, or at least strongly questionning them. I ran two loops of Elixir Ultima this week to help with the healing.

Right now I am running one loop of commander, I like how it made me fast for the whole day two days ago. I felt tougher.


#27

I’m having difficulty to focus. Must be reconciliation still hitting.

Terminus is a lot stronger than Q in term of reconciliation. I feel like a normal guy, but inside I am still shaky with my emotions.

I might run maybe Rebirth or Elixir today to help reconciliation.


#28

Just cryed in my car because of all the hatred I have into me. I don’t know how to deal with it, I feel powerless.

It is unnacceptable for me to lash out at people.

And. I feel hopeless to be able to deal with hatred. For now I just keep it in check by working out. Isolating myself with it is too strong… But I am, also maybe attachment destroyer are really playing into something sensitive for me.


#29

How do you deal with this?

Cause I notice lately I’m on this path. I mean people got their own shit to deal with and are not always in a good state of mind.

And here I am, ready to cut off anyone I deem at that current time not worthy to be in my life.

Worse part about this, I won’t regret it.


#30

Run Rebirth for reconciliation it helps better than anything in my experience, even Sanguine,
Elixir may make you feel better, but it may also bring up a lot more


#31

I just cut a female friend last week end because she disrespected me. I have this also!

@Azriel think I’ll try out rebirth, I ran a loop this morning and I feel a little bit better. Might be an alternative for Elixir or Sanguine. If I run it every day it should help me results and the healing process :blush:


#32

What is there to regret about valuing your time?


#33

Awesome man, obvbiously find what works best for you but that is my rec.
I’m at the point on Emperor where I feel like I am parenting everyone, people seem
so irrationally and emotionally stunted. I’m continuing to let go of judgement as best I can,
and any anger I have about how incompetent, unreliable people are. (I’m operating like I don’t need to rely on anyone-not out of mistrust-but out of understanding) I’m not completely generalizing because I have a couple friends who still shine as incredible human beings, there honest with themselves, others, and there own flaws and attributes.

It seem people who are not aware of, or deny, there own human nature and/or dark-side are particularly challenging, actually not challenging, but create a disinterest for me. Challenging to keep engaging.


#34

…and welcome to a new level of the alpha’s mindset


#35

just to say a bit more,
I’m aware I am, and can be lazy, manipulative, unethical at times, cut corners, a horndog, and I’m comfortable with all of that…but because I can see and own it, it doesn’t control me. I also make an intention to do right by my word and others, without self comprise or minimal self compromise, no matter how I feel. I see everyone else just immediately acting out whatever they feel, selfish interests, they’ll throw there honor or connections out the window when convenient, scared, or avoidant, its almost comical.

People are also always waiting, waiting for what to believe in, what to be told to do, waiting to be given, waiting for something to change. If your simply someone who doesn’t wait, leads, chooses your own beliefs, and gives, the world will be in the palm of your hand.

Ok philosophical rant over :slight_smile:


Traveling the Paths of Wealth, Imbuing Vital Physicality (Custom Q Journal)
#36

Judging by both my own experience and the philosophy you’ve presented here, Emperor will help one to get to know, embrace and even own their darker nature.

^^So far it seems every version of Emperor I’ve run seeks to instill these qualities within a man in their own way.


#37

Yeah, instiling those quality can become one hell of a ride :joy::wink:


#38

Thank you guys for your kind words, it really makes me happy to see support :slight_smile:

Also, I don’t know why, but tonight I just switched productivity ON and wrote 3 pages for an interview I’ll do with an actor client. I’ve never done this, I could of waited for “the right time”, or having “enough knowledge” before jumpint into it. No, I just did it!

Tomorrow I’ll listen to one loop of my Terminus Custom and one loop of Rebirth Ultima to reduce reconciliation.


#39

Stay strong my friend! This is certainly a result of New Beginnings. I am going through the same as NB sent me into an crisis unable to do anything besides crying and playing video games for two days. Now it faded. Where we go one, we go all! Hope you are better very soon


#40

Thank you! @friday I’ve been running New Beginnings since it came out and had reconciliation with it when I started, but now I think it is more the mix of I AM and Attachment Destroyer that is making me unstable :wink:

I am back at my productive self this morning! It just seems to clicked more, maybe Rebirth is removing the reconciliation and allowing me to perform!

I want to quit my job. I don’t need money right now, I still have 30K in my bank which is enough for the year. My job doesn’t build anything long term and I’ll probably have to quit this winter since I’ll have to meet with client during the week.